‘Live’ with Regis Philbin - the hunkiest husband contest:
Regis: What is your husband’s special quality?
Wife: Well, you know, he has such a big heart. Everytime we find a STRAY animal we have to bring it home, so that our house is now almost like a zoo. Right now we have 4 horses, 4 dogs, 3 cats, and 4 birds.
My congrats to such a wonderful husband! He must be the first to find a STRAY horse (nevermind FOUR of em) AND a fuckin STRAY bird!!! Why, little birdie, did you run away from home? Lemme take you home and feed you in a cage. Why, these people oughta be ashamed of leaving such an innocent bird roaming these dangerous streets!
What you don’t have thousand dollar horses roaming the streets of your neighborhood that could be better taken care of in your empty private stables…oh wait neither do I.
I’m always ending up with stray pythons, otters, and venison. What can you say or do to an animal that is on your porch staring at you with those puppy dog eyes?