T Nation

BIG heart...

‘Live’ with Regis Philbin - the hunkiest husband contest:

Regis: What is your husband’s special quality?
Wife: Well, you know, he has such a big heart. Everytime we find a STRAY animal we have to bring it home, so that our house is now almost like a zoo. Right now we have 4 horses, 4 dogs, 3 cats, and 4 birds.

My congrats to such a wonderful husband! He must be the first to find a STRAY horse (nevermind FOUR of em) AND a fuckin STRAY bird!!! Why, little birdie, did you run away from home? Lemme take you home and feed you in a cage. Why, these people oughta be ashamed of leaving such an innocent bird roaming these dangerous streets!

What you don’t have thousand dollar horses roaming the streets of your neighborhood that could be better taken care of in your empty private stables…oh wait neither do I.

Fucking idiots.

yeah i have stray horses running by my house all the time. i get the ocassional kangaroo as well. i saved one once.


.

A kangaroo? That’s nothing! I have seven stray platypuses living with me. Hey! There’s another one outside my window. Excuse me while I go save it.

Sometimes I see stray little kids walking around by themselves. I snatch em up and put em in my closet.

The real issue is why would any man be watching Regis?

Kelly Rippa has nice hooters.

I’m always ending up with stray pythons, otters, and venison. What can you say or do to an animal that is on your porch staring at you with those puppy dog eyes?