T Nation

big bummer

i think my wife cheated on me.seriously.i have no black and white proof, but i’m pretty sure.she has been acting real wierd for a while,withdrawn and cold,and has become real friendly with another guy(married also)that she works with. also i recieved a letter in the mail(typed with no return address)in the mail from one of her co-workers,suggesting that their relationship at work was innappropriate. she says nothing is wrong, but deep down inside i don’t think i believe her.
waday think i should do?

Hey man I don’t know what to tell you, if at all possible try to confront her, or maybe ask a co-worker of her’s that you might know. It sucks man, I hope for you’re sake that it is ANYTHING but that, thats a lousy way to ruin a realationship you’ve both worked so hard for. I would die for my girl, but on the other hand something like that I couldn’t forgive for a while

I won’t suggest anything directly, but here are some lyrics:

Meet Grady. A 29 year old construction worker. After coming home from a hard day’s work, he walks in the door of his trailer park home to find his wife in bed with another man.

Dre: Alright calm down, relax, start breathin…

Em: Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin’!

While you at work she’s with some dude tryin’ to get off??!

Fuck slittin’ her throat! CUT THIS BITCH’S HEAD OFF!!!

Dre: Wait, what if there’s an explanation for this shit?

Em: What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?

Dre: Alright Shady. Maybe he’s right Grady.


But think about the baby before you get all crazy.

Em: Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her

Grab her by the throat, get the daughter and kidnap her?

That’s what I did, be smart, don’t be a retard

You gonna take advice from somebody that slapped DEE BARNES??!

Dre: What’chu say?

Em: What’s wrong? Didn’t think I’d remember?


Dre: I’m-a kill you motherfucker!


Em: Ah-aahh! Temper temper! Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?


Mr. AK comin’ straight outta Compton ya’ll better make way??!


How in the fuck you gon’ tell this man not to be violent?


Dre: Cuz he don’t need to go the same route that I went


Been there done that…aw fuck it…


What am I sayin’? Shoot 'em both Grady, where’s your gun at?


(BANG! BANG!)

My brother had his wife cheat on him while she was pregnant with his child. The thing he tells people is if things don’t add up, and you think she is cheating, the she probably is…Take a day or two off work and keep an eye on her, or confront her. Either way God bless you man I know the pain that this can cause. Please keep us updated.

I think you have to sit down and discuss the situation with your wife,and listen to what she has to say. Only by talking to her can you sort this situation out.
Forget anonymous letters sent through the post,they only serve to make you more confused.
You may not like what your wife has to say, but at least then you know for sure.

Tell her you think she’s been cheating on you and that you’ve decided to divorce her, unless she comes clean and agrees to go to marital counseling with you.

Don’t discuss it with her! Follow her, hire a detective, etc. but get the goods on her (if she is, in fact, cheating on you) in case you end up getting divorced. The last thing you want is to have to support a cheating ex along with the scum she was sleeping with.

She probably is if you have noticed something. Caught my ex cheating with a coworker. Also married. If she is you can never trust her again no matter what you think. My advice to you Bro is this. She had her fun (probably), he had his fun. You are the one paying the price. Get the guys home phone number or better yet go over and see his wife. She has a right to know. If your sure tell her the entire story. Don’t say a word to your wife or the boyfriend. Let them find out on thier own. He deserves to pay the price too and getting caught by his wife should do it. You’ll get over it and move on to a better place…trust me on that.

First off, you need to realize that you’re jealous and that you’re probably seeing a distorted version of the truth.

I was once the “good friend” of a married woman, and the husband got it into his head that we were having an affair. We weren’t. And I honestly wanted their marriage to work out. BUT, I didn’t back off on the friendship - my female friend was pretty miserable and I wanted to “be there” for her. She might be telling the truth, they might be friends. She might even seem inappropriate to other people, but she thinks it’s innocent. If so, the worst thing you can do is get jealous. If the guy is just a friend and has no intentions, he should be plenty okay with befriending you.

Now, if she is actually cheating, I really don’t think that it is capable of being saved. You’ll just never trust her again. BUT, you can forgive her - if you play the cards right. If you get a divorce, and she stays in your kid’s lives, AND you find another person you’re interested in, you’ll eventually forgive her (if she’s good).

Call the show CHEATERS. They are taping the new series, and need new cases. If you’re gonna catch her, at least humiliate her in the process.

Man that sucks, I’m really sorry to hear that.
Here are a couple of ideas; confront the “letter sender” by thinking back- are there any of your wife’s friends that have recently been cheated on? anyone with a reason to send you the letter? If so confront them.
Also, this is a longshot but maybe your wife sent you the letter, it might be an easy way to confess and uses less courage than telling you straight out. It also could be nothing. Be careful!! Hope this helps.

Hire a PI and find out for sure if she is cheating before coming to any conclusions. That way if you got proof take it to court and she’d be less likely to get half your shit.

If you’re near LA, I’m a PI for hire

actign weird for a while? How long? Does she have a cell phone? If not, is there a place where you could have another phone jack installed with a caller ID unit? If you have a pretty good idea she is cheating, there is a better than zero chance that she is, but not 100%. Is your schedule the same? you go to work at the same time every day, get home at the same time? Change something. Surprise her for lunch one day, take her to lunch. Has she changed her appearance or something, clothes or cologne. good luck. I hope its innocent. There is a semen tester, I forget the name. It only takes a trace.

If she is cheating, does that mean that she is unable to get half of the possesions? Or could someone explain more the laws surrounding this? My Dad got screwed over the same way, he was more concerned with the custody than the money part being that it usually goes to the mother, but that doesn’t matter now. Could you could do anything now that it’s over? or is he stuck?

she works for a builders supply company, and we ordered our siding from there when we resided our house. when my buddy and i went there to pick up our siding, he wasn’t there. i was told that he was all wierded out that day and finnally went to the sales mgr. and said he had a family emergency and had to leave. i’m pretty sure it had something to do with me coming there that day.

also whoever sent that letter, sent one to his wife also.

Lee,

First off do you have kids involved?

Secondly, I like the idea of hiring a PI, I’d say keep this on the down low and then stack all the chips and evidence in your corner before you decide what to do. Also remember that in states like California, (sorry to tell you this) there is NO FAULT divorce, so even if the other party is the one that cheated, it doesn’t matter in court. Now what the hell is wrong with that other person to send a LETTER to your HOUSE? That is plain stupid! Or she is being setup, like you were supposed to find the letter. The letter you found doesn’t make much sense to me.

Lee- your getting good advice. Line up your ducks. Check cell phone records. Set up a caller ID. Also history file of your PC. Use a “keystroke logger” program. Show up at her company and suprise her for lunch. Also try inviting the guy and his wife out with you. See what your wife says. If she gets visibly nervous or evasive ask her why? The guys are right about the splitting of assets. In most states even if a spouse cheats they still get half. (thank you NOW) And if you make a lot more money then her you get to pay her alimony. Strike another victory for the socialist-liberal movement! Good Luck Bro! I hope she’s not cheating but if she is you’ll get past it. Just make sure you jam the other dude up at home with his wife…it will make you feel better and it is the right thing to do in my opinion. (if it is in fact true)

Talk to a good divorce lawyer and get HIS advice. He will tell you how to get the best out of this situation, or at least less screwed. Talk to Brock Strasser, I believe he just went through something like this.

I don’t think the private detective thing is a particularly great idea. Confronting her with what you know and suspect is probably better, an you’ll more than likely get the truth from her. Now, as far as guys being “friends”, especially close friends with married women, I see many problems. First, she has to be insecure. Second, the friend has to be insecure or hard up, and third, if the husband tells you to butt out, then butt out. It’s not very manly, in my opinion, to befriend a married woman when her husband objects to it. But that’s both her fault and the so-called “friend’s” fault.