T Nation

Bettering Yourself

I often hear that if you want to better yourself you should surround yourself with the type of people you want to become.

What I’ve learned about myself recently is that being around the people I want to become can be a bit of a blow to my ego. I see them as already having what I want and it makes me feel jealous and inadequate.

Does anyone experience this? I ask, because I know people like Professor X say you should surround yourself with bigger guys if you want to be big, but I imagine if I did that I’d go through the same emotions. It’s something I need to work on…sadly, I feel like I’ve let certain friendships slip away for this very reason and I surround myself with people that are “more like me”, which doesn’t help me grow as a person.

[quote]Digity wrote:
I often hear that if you want to better yourself you should surround yourself with the type of people you want to become.

What I’ve learned about myself recently is that being around the people I want to become can be a bit of a blow to my ego. I see them as already having what I want and it makes me feel jealous and inadequate.

Does anyone experience this? I ask, because I know people like Professor X say you should surround yourself with bigger guys if you want to be big, but I imagine if I did that I’d go through the same emotions. It’s something I need to work on…sadly, I feel like I’ve let certain friendships slip away for this very reason and I surround myself with people that are “more like me”, which doesn’t help me grow as a person.[/quote]

IMO, for someone to grow in any area of their life they have to shut up, listen and learn. If you had already reached your goal you would already know how to get there. But since you haven’t it is obvious there is more to learn.

Most people think they know it all and are therefore doomed to never grow or learn because they cannot accept anything other than their own current knowledge. So they continue to live within their own perceptions, continue to do the same things, and continue to get the same results.

So we all have to swallow our pride and take the humiliation (mostly in our own minds) to be able to really learn and go to the next level. The trick is to continue to be open to more new knowledge throughout your life so you continue to get better. Lifelong growth to some extent means lifelong humility.

Ps - is that your dog jumping out the window in your avatar? If so, was he ok after that jump?

I think the mere fact that you are aware that you are not where you want to be is an accomplishment. I say that because not everyone is willing or able to recognize their lack of whatever it is, and go in a direction to remedy that.

Being around somebody isn’t going to help you automatically. You need to be in the right mental state or it will be destructive. You may even need to take baby steps and hang out with people that are a little above you but below those that you want to be like in the end.

I don’t like speaking for other people but if I say it or most others, the main point of saying hang around those who are where you want to be is so you can learn what they do and acquire the mind state. If the time is not right for you to be in their presence, you can learn from afar.

You realize who your true friends are when you become successful. You my friend, were not a true friend to those people you lost.

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
You realize who your true friends are when you become successful. You my friend, were not a true friend to those people you lost.[/quote]

Not sure what you mean by “successful”…I’m successful in some aspects of my life and not so successful in other aspects. Life is a mixed bag in that way.

Make a list of what you want to get better at…look at the list…see if surrounding yourself with people that already have achieved what you want to achieve will help you…then define surrounding…

I want to become a better guitar player…I think if I surrounded myself with guitar players…I would get better at getting high and drunk…simply ‘surrounding’ myself with people wouldn’t lead me to bettering myself.

Now…if I found 1 or 2 guys that were superior guitar players and incorporated jamming with them into my existing life…then…I’d probably get better…

I think you want to get bigger…you’ve got thousands of people on this web site that you can talk to and ask for advice without much fear of embarrassment…

[quote]Digity wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
You realize who your true friends are when you become successful. You my friend, were not a true friend to those people you lost.

Not sure what you mean by “successful”…I’m successful in some aspects of my life and not so successful in other aspects. Life is a mixed bag in that way.[/quote]

Sucessful in any way. Jealousy, regardless of what it is about, can ruin friendships. Instead of being jealous that friends are more successful in some aspect of their lives (which you eluded to earlier), you should just be happy for them. When I see a friend with something I want, I’m happy for them. Then I work harder to get where they are.

I see. Yes, you’re right about that. My jealousy is an issue.

What if the successful people with whom you want to surround yourself want to be surrounded by people more successful than themselves?

[quote]etaco wrote:
What if the successful people with whom you want to surround yourself want to be surrounded by people more successful than themselves?[/quote]

Hmmm…that’s a noodle scratcher.

[quote]etaco wrote:
What if the successful people with whom you want to surround yourself want to be surrounded by people more successful than themselves?[/quote]

Truly successful people also like to help others up the ladder.

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
etaco wrote:
What if the successful people with whom you want to surround yourself want to be surrounded by people more successful than themselves?

Truly successful people also like to help others up the ladder.[/quote]

Also, it is damn hard to resist the ego boost that comes from others wanting to hang out with you because of your success. There are not many really successful people who try and find more successful people than they to hang with, because that puts them back down the food chain.

After working hard and achieving success it is very difficult to go back to a place of working to achieve success instead of having achieved success.