T Nation

Best Trip to the Grocery Store EVER


#1

So there I was, at the grocery store on a Friday night. When you're a family man, there's no need to go out on Friday nights. I shop in the evening with my wife and 2 boys, its not as crowded. I cant stand the old people and soccer moms getting in my way.

So here's the good part. You know those scooters that fat people use because they've gotten too fat to walk? Well, there was 2 kids each riding one through the store tonight. They were like 14 or 15. Up and down the aisles they go, side by side in a drag race at times. For some reason they were really, really pissing me off. I was going over in my head what I was going to say to them the next time they came around us.

Well, like the assshats they were, they come towards us. I look at them. "Come over here."
They look at each other then back at me. I havent looked away, I'm still staring them down. They come over to me. While looking them in the eye the whole time I go "Go put those back right now, or I will give you a reason to need them."

I was prepared for a little smart ass comment too. The one started to mouth off about not having to listen to me. I still hadnt looked away from them. "Do I look like I'm kidding?" Stunned silence for a few seconds. Then, one says "sorry, sir." They put them away and I didnt even see them in the store after that.


#2

That's the best trip to the grocery store. Ever? Damn, son, you are old. I thought maybe they were giving away free steak or something.

That happened to me one time. Got three or so nice top sirloins from the counter. They did something wrong. Only cost me .08 cents. Now that's a good trip to the grocery store.


#3

^^Grocery Store hero

Give this man a medal. Would you really have been prepared to do anything if they flipped you the bird and kept racing? Would you chase them around?


#4


/


#5

so fucking what?


#6

Tell us about the time you told those fuckers to get off your lawn.


#7

I was so ready to hear about a huge steak blowout sale for like $1.00 / 10 lbs. So ready...so disappointed...

Gremlin


#8

Funny. I keep hearing the sound of two coconuts knocking together. My buddy, an armed guard at a grocery store, kept yelling "not on my watch!" when I told him this. Still funny though.


#9


#10

And its settled... I'm never getting married...


#11

i was expecting tits!


#12

cool story bro


#13



#14

And then you found $20?


#15

Did you happen to look like this guy?


#16

Ooo oo, tell us 'bout the one time that old lady was driving slow in the fast lane and you followed her home then wraped her with her prosthetic foot. Yeah, show her a lesson or two.

By god.


#17

I went to the grocery store last night to purchase bone-in chicken breasts, because they were on sale for a reasonable price. Not amazingly cheap, but reasonable.

My story is better than yours on almost every level.


#18

Fixed.


#19

This thread is so upsettingly suck-tacular that I've decided to post a picture of a little Japanese beauty named Sora Aoi ("Sky Blue"...adorable), who happens to enjoy participating in hardcore porn and can be found on most free, streaming adult sites (xvideo et al...)

If any of you appreciate Asian women and might perhaps enjoy a nice, vigorous mastrubation session, I highly recommend checking her out.

Now, back to the suck!!


#20

Haha, this thread was too funny.