T Nation

Best Man Speech


#1

I've got to make a best man speech for my brother's wedding at the end of August. Trying to blow them away, while all being classy at the same time. Not trying to be Eddie Murphy Raw, or anything, my grandma is going to be in the crowd after all! Here is the layout.

-Easy intro joke
-Philosophical quote
-Childhood memory of brother and I (family laughs)
-Real substance (keys to marriage success/admiration)
-Shed a reflective tear perhaps?
-Inclusion of the bride
-Wrap up (high hopes of the future/tasteful sex joke)

Duration, about 5-7 minutes.

Input welcome, or if anybody else has anything from their own experience that I could learn from, would love to hear. Or any potential ideas?


#2

Sounds like every single best-man speech I’ve ever heard.


#3

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Sounds like every single best-man speech I’ve ever heard. [/quote]

… which isn’t a bad thing, but…

OP: Are you currently or have you sometime in the past banged the bride?


#4

Now I have to tell this story:

My two favorite speechs actually came from the same side of the family at my buddy’s wedding. The bride’s sister stands up and gives her maid of honor speech which is something along the lines of, “My sister (the bride) used to drag a different guy home from the bars every weekend, but when I met (the groom) I knew he was someone special.”

And the brides mom said something along the lines of, “As a couples therapist I know when two people are made for each other, and I hope the groom doesn’t turn out to be a raging asshole like the bride’s dad.” And then immediately after the speech, she went around from table to table and passed out her business card.


#5

[quote]mwiersma wrote:

-Easy intro joke
-Philosophical quote
-Childhood memory of brother and I (family laughs)
-Real substance (keys to marriage success/admiration)
-Shed a reflective tear perhaps?
-Inclusion of the bride
-Wrap up (high hopes of the future/tasteful sex joke)
[/quote]

I’ve done two of em and I’d recommend skipping philosophy & advice entirely.

But do spend plenty of time on personal & family memories and if you do it chronologically, the bride naturally fits in and provides the transition to your wrap-up.

Above all, have fun with it and everyone else will.


#6

I would recommend you cry over a recent hardship and be completely drunk by the time you get up there. That is how most of the best-man speeches have been in the weddings I have attended.


#7

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Now I have to tell this story:

My two favorite speechs actually came from the same side of the family at my buddy’s wedding. The bride’s sister stands up and gives her maid of honor speech which is something along the lines of, “My sister (the bride) used to drag a different guy home from the bars every weekend, but when I met (the groom) I knew he was someone special.”

And the brides mom said something along the lines of, “As a couples therapist I know when two people are made for each other, and I hope the groom doesn’t turn out to be a raging asshole like the bride’s dad.” And then immediately after the speech, she went around from table to table and passed out her business card. [/quote]

LMAO!


#8

Do a slide show of you growing up.

Never say a word.

Drop the mike and walk out the door.


#9

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Do a slide show of you growing up.

Never say a word.

Drop the mike and walk out the door. [/quote]

With the bridesmaid.


#10

[quote]mwiersma wrote:
I’ve got to make a best man speech for my brother’s wedding at the end of August. Trying to blow them away, while all being classy at the same time. Not trying to be Eddie Murphy Raw, or anything, my grandma is going to be in the crowd after all! Here is the layout.

-Easy intro joke
-Philosophical quote
-Childhood memory of brother and I (family laughs)
-Real substance (keys to marriage success/admiration)
-Shed a reflective tear perhaps?
-Inclusion of the bride
-Wrap up (high hopes of the future/tasteful sex joke)
[/quote]

just give philosophical quotes.

one after another, they don’t even have to be remotely relevant.

then sit down and tip your fedora


#11

None of that soft shit.

Roast his ass.


#12

Best opener I’ve seen is the following:

Best man: “Fornication.”

…lets is simmer for 10 seconds or so…

Best man, after clearing his throat: “Excuse me, for an occasion such as this…”


#13

I have done more than my fair share of these speeches.

If you are not naturally comfortable speaking in front of people or naturally gifted/ practiced at public speaking then I would definitely recommend writing it out and getting a solid plan down.

If you are good at it, wing it he is your brother and you should have enough content to make a solid speech and then wrap it up. I personally prefer to wing it, but I did that all through Moot Court and Mock Trial in law school and it always turned out well (except for one time that won’t be mentioned…).

Anyways, I just basically gave you no advice. Good luck!


#14

I did one for my little brother,

Ladies and gentlemen, Can I have your attention please, I need to steal the spotlight from the bride for a second.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Mike and I’m Joe’s â??Bigâ?? brother. I would just like to confirm, particularly to anyone with us today that may either be blind or have really poor eyesight, that it refers to our age difference, and no physical characteristics at all what so ever.

The last time I spoke in front of so many people dressed this nice, the one in the middle was wearing a black gown and all I could say was, â??not guilty, your honourâ??. This time I am honored. Thereâ??s no greater a privilege than to be asked to be a best man, and no more terrifying a prospect than having to do the Best Manâ??s speech. Itâ??s the speech that no one wants to do. The best man doesnâ??t really know what heâ??s expected to say and yet his speech is supposed to be humorous â?? but it might not be. Itâ??s supposed to be short â?? but it probably wonâ??t be. It should be original â?? but it seldom is. It should not offend â?? but most do. And finally, itâ??s supposed to be sincere and I certainly intend mine to be. In fact, I cannot be more sincere than to say to Joe what an honor you have done me by asking me to be your Best Man today.

Joe is an amazing young man, I watched him grow up to be the person he is today. I remember changing his diapers, and sorry Amy, but it has pretty much been that size from the start.

I remember sitting in coolers filled with water trying to beat the summer heat, and cobbling together old Tonka trucks to play with down on the beach.

I remember walking Joe to school when he was in second grade. I volunteered to help the second graders as part of a high school assignment. Luckily for the both of us I was assigned to Joeâ??s second grade class. I donâ??t think I was as concerned with helping him learn as I was with preventing him from eating paste. I didnâ??t want my brother known as the paste eater in school.

I can recall Joe getting in trouble for tearing apart Dadâ??s tools just to see how they worked, I also remember him getting in even more trouble for leaving Dadâ??s tools scattered around the yard. Which believe it or not just so happens to be one of his pet peeves too, go figure.

Joe has a tendency to tear things apart, and then call me looking for a manual so he can put it back together.

Unfortunately marriage is one of those things that doesnâ??t have a manual, and it defiantly takes work. If you ever feeling like itâ??s in a million pieces and you need help, I myself donâ??t have a manual, but I am here to lend an ear.

Amy, the life you two share together is exceptional. You two have an understanding about one another that seems to flow naturally. I admire your ability to not only juggle the daily tasks of parenting, but being able to put up with Joe at the same time. He is like having another 3 year old, only difference is heâ??s potty trained and can bathe himself,â?¦â?¦ sometimes. You have joined hands in marriage with the hardest working person I have ever met. The only thing bigger than his work ethic is his heart and it shows. Oh, and FYI, When Evan goes to school you might want to hide the pasteâ?¦â?¦…

I wish anyone who thinks that â??bigger is always betterâ?? could be with us right now, because they would surely be amazed at the tremendous amount of happiness and joy that can flow from the right group of well wishers. We are all truly privileged to have been asked to be a part of such a warm and intimate ceremony as Joe and Amyâ??s wedding, I offer my love and appreciation to the bride and groom for inviting me to play a role in such a very personal gathering. Iâ??m sure we all want to congratulate Joe and Amy on their very first day as husband and wife and thank them for giving us a day we will never forget.


#15

Go with one of the classic orators of all time…


#16

My cousins wedding, his best friend/man:

“It has been said that the best mans speech should be no longer than the grooms ability to hold an erection.”

sits down . … …

thats it.


#17

I think apart from the philosophical part everything sounds good! just keep it simple and sweet and try not to be too formal. When I gave my maid of honor speech at my friends wedding, I just included a few funny incidents from our childhood and some of her embarrassing moments that’s it!


#18

LOL!

I was going to say he should start the speech saying “I first met the bride when I was dancing at the Exotic Bear, this really high class strip club…”

One of my good friends, in longstanding Army style, has successfully killed two of his best man speeches. Then again…he didn’t care if he gave the old ladies a heart attack or about his dignity lol.

Its also why I will be personally warning every single person in attendance at my future wedding about his bullshit lol.


#19

That was awesome, my mind has been blown to Mars.

I’m not sure they should put someone on that many drugs on TV infront of kids though.


#20

I thought of this thread yesterday when I was sitting through speeches at my buddy’s wedding. These were the people that spoke immediately before dinner (while the bar was closed):

Father of the Bride
Maid of Honor
Best Man #1
Matron of Honor
Best Man #2
Groom

Total speaking time: 1 hour
Total laughs: 3