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Best friends wife is cheating.

Hi all, first off let me mention that I am very new to the internet and web, let alone bodybuilding. But have been reading the t-mag forum for a few weeks and find that the old think about guys with large muscles have small brains is really so far from the truth.

Any way I have a problem that I am not sure how to deal with, and to be honest it has been eating me up inside for some time now. I found out that my best friends wife is cheating on him.

Maybe you should all know about me and my best friends relationship. This is one person I would go to the end of the earth for. Most people I know have never had a close friend like him. But we have this bond that I can’t describe, and have been best buds since grade school. My buddy comes from very humble begginings and has done very very well for himself. He is kind of the all american kid. I have never heard him say a bad thing about other people and is proably the most positive upbeat person I know. He has helped me through situations in ways I can’t describe, and always laughs when he tells me “Ckick, you would be a lot better off if you did not have a conscience”. After all these years, I am still not sure what he means by that…he has a bigger conscience than I, yet we both laugh whenever he says it. About a year ago I lost a sister to cancer who I was very close to. Many of my friends stopped and gave there condolences and all, but it was my buddy who saw that I was having trouble getting over this, and stopped by the house one night when I was alone and got me to open up to the point where I just sat and cried like a baby. As silly as that may sound to you…I can’t tell you how much better I felt the next day. He has always had that effect on me…knowing what and when I need something and then is always there to help, or give me hell if I need it. I can not say enough about this man.

Okay I remember the first time he met his wife. He was head over heals for her, and stopped by my house the next day and told me he met the girl he was going to marry, and then went on and on for hours about her. He is truly in love with his wife. But several weeks ago I found out the cold facts that she is cheating on him. What do I do? Do I tell him? I'm afraid that if I do, he is going to be devasted, and I think this is the one thing that could break him. I do not want to see him get hurt, but on the other hand, as his best friend I feel that it is my place to tell him if I know this. I talked to a guy at work about this and at first he agreed with me, but then as we talked he said maybe I best say nothing, or go tell his wife that I know what she is up too. I am afraid if I tell him what I know, he will not believe me, and possibly become very angry with me for even bringing it up. My buddy is a very proud man, and has the right to be, I think, but not sure what this will do to his spirit. So all, what do you think, do I tell him what I know, and figure what ever happens happens, or do I tell his wife what I know, and tell her to cool it or I will tell her husband? I was going to talk to my girlfriend about it, but her and my buddies wife are close, and she really has no time for people who cheat, so never brought it up with her either. Any thoughts, help, will be much appreciated. Thanks

Give the scumbag wife a copy of your post and then confront her. Tell her she has this one chance to make things right and be the wife she promised to be or you are going to blow the whistle and that will end her marriage. If she straightens out, do NOT tell your friend. If she continues, tell him. In either case, confront the rat she is seeing, tell him how things are and if he sees her or even talks to her again, he will suffer the consequences. If he ignores you, beat the shit out of him.

I agree with AR. Tell her you know and give her the chance to come clean. I think she should fess up to your buddy though. If she tells him from the standpoint of ‘I made a mistake and I’m sorry’ she may save her marriage, if he finds out from someone else I doubt the results will be the same.

I think your course of action depends on two things – how absolutely sure you are that it is going on, and whether your buddy and his wife have any kids. If they have kids, I would lean toward telling your girlfriend and having her confront your buddy’s wife, while you follow Avoids’ advice and confront the guy. She doesn’t deserve another chance, but if there are kids involved they at least deserve a chance to not have their world torn asunder. If you’re completely certain she is cheating and if there aren’t any kids, tell your buddy so he can cleanse himself of that human cancer he married. It will be horribly painful for him, but he’s better off making an informed decision for himself as to what to do about a wife who violated sacred marriage vows. He was there for you when cancer took your sister, and that was no one’s fault – be there for him now that his wife, whom he loves, has purposefully, knowingly and maliciously taken a course of action that will kill him on the inside. As a guy, I think it would kill me to know something like that, but it would be even worse to not know, especially if other people know what’s going on. As I said though, make absolutely 100% certain that his wife is cheating before you take any action. You sound like a good friend – your buddy is lucky to have a friend like you. Good luck.

I agree with AR and michelle – confront the wife and give her the chance to come clean. If she refuses, or doesn’t comply, tell your friend. A true friend is willing to risk the friendship for the greater good. There is a very real risk to your friend that his wife is putting him under, without his knowledge. Not something to mess around with. Act now.

Hell Yeah!

If you and your friend are close, and you have real proof that she’s cheating, then you should let him know. Yes, he will be devastated, and how he handles the situation is up to him. But he should at least know what is going on. At least give him hints that you think she is not being faithful.

I don’t accept any form of cheating. And if someone cheated on me, I would end the relationship in a heartbeat and get revenge.

Chances are he will find out about her sooner or later anyway. If he finds out that you knew and did not tell him he will feel betrayed by you, even though you are trying to do the right thing and be a good friend. I think you should tell him, even though it will be painfull for both of you. He may confront her and they may work things out, or he may get rid of this whore, either way, I think it should be his call. I think the damage is being done by her cheating, not you telling! Like I said, he will likely find out if he does not already suspect anything.

Ending the relationship may be good advice, but that leaves no room for forgiveness. Everyone screws up now and then and the basis for a healthy relationship, besides trust, is the ability to forgive–something that is very alien for us humans. However, what good is revenge? Will it really make you feel better, or will that be just temporary? In the end you will probably feel just as shitty as the person made you feel and then it leaves even less room for any possible reconciliation. Revenge is a natural emotion because we think it will make us feel better, but in the end I think it just makes you feel worse, even though you are probably reluctant to really admit that.

Your friend MUST know. How would you feel if it was your wife cheating on you like a little tramp AND no one told you? Think. Your buddy…he comes home from work early one day to find his “loving” wife fucking some other guy? Can you say “rage”? Tell him…tell him everything.

You’d better tell him…The sooner the better. And don’t give her any warning. She is already dishonest, if she is prepared to defend herself then it could come back to haunt you. She’ll say your a liar and you’ve been trying to nail her and you are getting her back or some shit like that. Better she doesn’t know who told him.

I agree with Kayrob, tell him. If you don’t say anything and he finds out that she’s cheating, that you knew and never told him he will be let down by both his wife and best friend. What eventually happens between them is for them to decide but he should know whats going on.

You’re right, revenge is not the key to being happy. And by revenge, I don’t mean sinking to the level of the person that cheated on you. It can be done tactfully (if revenge can be called tactful), and on a whole different level than you may think. Also, it would depend on the situation. I wouldn’t automatically seek revenge. It would depend on many other factors.

As for trust, that is sacred. Once you break the trust, I don’t think it’s easy to ever trust the person again. As a society, we are too trusting (yes, believe it or not, we do trust people about many things that we should be more careful with - social security number, e-mail, etc.). And sure, forgiveness may be in order, but I personally couldn’t be with someone that cheated on me. I would not trust them, and I may or may not forgive them depending on the situation. I have no tolerance for cheating. I have strong beliefs about a few things. Obviously, cheating is one of them. People make mistakes, and sure, forgiveness may happen over time, but some circumstances warrant that the relationship be ended immediately. Trust and honesty are highly valued by me. Break them, and you suffer the consequences of your actions.

I’m married, and I’d want to know. Despite what Sunflower says, fucking someone is not a mistake. It is not an accident. It is a betrayal of the worst kind. When you tell your friend, make sure you have already handled the other guy. If he didn’t know she was married, tell him, threaten him and leave it at that. If he did, beat his ass. That will make it easier for your friend to take the news from you. He will know you are looking out for him. It sucks. You may lose his friendship, because he may be embarrassed to be around someone who knows his wife cheated on him. I guarantee he’ll be there for you if you ever really need him, though.

Maybe I missed it, but I scanned the other posts and didn’t see this addressed. If you don’t tell him, will he find out when he gets the first canker sore? Of his T-cells drop? Cheating ain’t just fuckin around anymore. She is putting his health at risk. If you are SURE – as in you have seen it yourself – tell him. If you are not 100% sure, you could wreck his marriage for nothing. Better make it your business to have proof before you do anything, but once you have it, act immediately.

Okay, by forgiveness I didn’t mean that every act of cheating should be forgiven. In this particular case I think I would find it very difficult to forgive my husband if he cheated on me. And yes, trust and honesty are the most important ingredients to a healthy relationship. All I meant, was that we do need to leave room in our decisions for possible reconciliation with the person who hurt us. If it becomes impossible, well then at least you know you tried. Sometimes these sorts of things out in the open make a relationship stronger in the end (in that, yes, we did survive this huge upheaval). Other times it ends them. Only this couple can decide which way they want to go and the other side of revenge is reconciliation.