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Best friends cheating wife.....I'm confronting her.

Hey all, Thanks so much for all the advice. You guys are better than Oprah, or a therapist. ha ha I guess I knew I would have to tell him…but wanted to save him the embarrasement. He is a very proud man. Okay to also let you know, I know for a FACT that she is cheating, I just didn’t have a camera at the time. I kind of stumbled upon this situation and was in shock for a few days aafter. Only she does not know for sure that I saw what I saw. And yes they have 3 kids, 3 wonderful kids. I am almost sure my buddy will try and make things work…but that will be up to him. But I know he is taking the kids to grandma’s for the weekend as they have a wedding to attend out of town. When my buddy runs the kids up to Grandma’s in the morning I am going to pop in and confront her. I’m going to tell her to call this loser, yes in front of me and tell him it’s over. Then I am going to demand that she come clean with her husband, before the end of the weekend, or I will tell him what I know. If she says no…then I wait for him to get home and well…we will see how good of friends we are. Any way that’s the game plan, again thanks for all your help. This has eaten at me for long enough.

I really enjoy reading this forum. So many different views, some I agree with, some I don’t and a few well…??? My best to all of you.

Well, this should be interesting although I do not see what good telling your bud will do except to crush him. It certainly is going to ruin her day. Good luck! I wish I had more friends like you are to your buddy.

I read your last post also, I think you are doing the right thing. If I were in this situation and I was your friend I would want you to tell me. If your friend found out that you knew about his wife and didn’t tell him he may be pissed off at you! It may hurt him to tell him but it would be the right thing to do if you have to! Good luck! Keep us posted.

Well, regarding forgiveness and all that, remember that if 2 people are initially trusting and loyal to each other and one person cheats, you have to ask yourself what changed for the other person to cheat. According to a friend I know who is a therapist, the culpability for one of the two breaking the bond is shared. Usually one person changes and the other person responds to this change by looking for affection outside the relationship.

Man, that stuff sounds good on Oprah or in some philosophical discussion on moral relativism, but it’s just a bunch of sophistry designed to somehow make the person who decides to cheat seem less morally culpable for his or her own actions. I am so fed up with this therapist cum Oprah cum daytime TV cum estrogen-fest culture that refuses to assign blame to anyone for any reason. We all have temptations, and pressures, and people who are not treating us well, and imperfect relationships with our parents, siblings, significant others, rejection from peers, etc., and yet not all of us succumb and lie, steal, cheat on sacred marriage vows and do irreparable damage to trust or shoot up a Post Office. While it may be true that this guy’s friend and his wife had issues to work out in their marriage, that DOES NOT justify her decision to cheat. If she really and truly had all sorts of issues, she should have talked to him about them, tried to go to counseling, whatever. And if they were really irreconcilable differences, she could have gotten a divorce before she decided to move on to infidelity. Perhaps she did not want to divorce his friend and go through the pain associated, and the financial loss – that just makes her not want to face the consequences of decisions she made. It DOES NOT justify cheating. She should get no sympathy or empathy for choosing what was apparently the path of least resistance. Actions have consequences, as the unfaithful wife will soon discover – she may find herself divorced, in a custody fight, or just with a permanently scarred relationship with her husband, but consequences will follow. Please do not assault me with hypotheticals about the bad things the guy could have done – I am going to believe what the poster said about his friend for the purposes of this discussion: that he is a good guy and is in love with his wife and treats her well. From what we were told, this guy was a good man who did not deserve this. Yet he does deserve to know, and the poster is a good man and a good friend – I’m thankful for the friends I have in my life that are like him, and wish I had a few more. 'Nuff said.

What if you confront her and she refuses your kind offer to stop seeing this guy, and then she see’s her husband and says “oh my god, came to see me today and asked me to sleep with him, he said if I refuse he would tell you I was cheating, I’m sorry I had to tell you, I know he is a good friend blah blah blah”
What then? You go up to your friend and tell him she is cheating, which verifies her story and…Just a thought. Personally, I would tell my friend first to avoid such a situation…Good luck, Jimmy

Don’t confront her first. She’s already proven she’s evil. Don’t give her a chance to flank you. Confront the other guy first. Then talk to your friend.

What’s happening Bro? Did you confront the cheating Bimbo? AR

Noooo! Not her ding-dong tell HIM…He is the victim here. If you confront her you are putting your self in the middle , which is a BAD place to be. Tell him and let him confront her. You never know how people are going to react to such things and if your in the middle your in the line of fire…TELL HIM, fuck her…

Never said it justified it… just that if the 2 of them are going to work it out, there are most likely more problems than what is initially visable (i.e. her cheating).

Hey Joe, the ONLY reason I can think of for someone to ‘justify’ cheating is if the other person won’t agree to a divorce. (actually, can that happen???) Anyway, no matter what the other person does there is NO excuse. If life is terrible with them then end the relationship. Sure, I agree there must be something that made her decide to go that route, but that’s still bullshit. Besides that, she obviously did not put the needs of her children ahead of her own physical pleasure which makes her lower than dirt.

Michelle: do you enjoy picking fights or do you not read or do you not comprehend. If you READ my posts, it was a response to something that 3L-T said in response to something I said regarding the couple going to counseling. But how does “NEVER SAID IT JUSTIFIES IT” transform into “she was justified” ???

Tell him. Isn’t that what you’d want someone to do for you? Let him decide if he wants your help.

hey hey hey… Joe, sorry man, your second post was NOT up when I made my post. (please note the post times are about a minute apart) Chill. Your FIRST post did not clarify the ‘justification’ issue. And no, I do not enjoy picking fights but will speak up when someone says something way out there. Sorry for the misunderstanding.