Drink whisky while laying down on the coach and watching tv until I go to sleep
When I’m sick, I will:
Get my own pills to make me feel better
Get my own food. I most likely won’t worry too much about what I eat or whether it tastes good. If I’m hungry when I’m sick, I’ll eat whatever is easy
Take care of my kids and She Say only to the level that they need to ensure their survival
Make do with whatever I have in the house for maintaining my comfort
Bang She Say to the best of my ability should she want or need banging
Now…when She Say is sick she does not go to sleep and she does not want to drink whisky.
What she does do is:
Want me to prepare a ‘sick-bed’ for her. This involves pillows and blankets properly situated on a coach near a tv remote control should she deign to watch tv. Tissues at arm’s reach and reading material. I’m also supposed to ensure it’s quiet with a 9, 12 and 14 year old sons in the house so she can have peace in her sick bed.
Ask me to deliver her pills to her with a fresh glass of water even though she doesn’t have any idea where her pills are, but she’s usually pretty sure she’s left her pills wherever she last saw her glasses, which she’d also like me to bring to her.
Tell me that she’s getting a little bit hungry. This is woman-speak for, “I’m hungry, can you get me something to eat?” Dry toast isn’t good enough. Whatever I prepare and deliver to her sick-bed (see Item 1) always needs a little more salt, or pepper, or isn’t hot enough, or cold enough. Inevitably, she eats half of whatever it is.
Decide the kids are spending too much time watching tv and that they should sign up for art or science or music classes that exact moment and then go to the class and become the world’s best artist, scientist or cellist and that if I can’t make that happen then she’ll get up out of her sick-bed (See item #1) and make it happen herself…and that the kids eating habits have gotten bad again and if all I have to offer them to eat is frozen pizza then she is going to get up and run to the health food store so that the poor, little fellahs can get back on the right track.
Decide only diet Canada Dry ginger ale will ease her pain and maintain her comfort…only we don’t have any diet Canada Dry ginger ale in the house and she doesn’t want regular schweppes ginger ale, or plain seltzer water and if she really did make as big of a deposit in my emotional bank account as I claim she did when she modelled her red, white and blue thongs the night before and let me see how she looked in them walking away from me, towards me and while I was fucking her from behind in all 3 colors then I should certainly be willing to make a deposit in her emotional bank account by running out for some diet Canada Dry ginger ale in between taking Sen Say Jr. to his new cubist art class I just signed him up for and picking up Sen the Third from his oboe lesson.
Not bang me to the best of her ability even if she hasn’t thrown up in more than 15 minutes or is beginning to not see bright lights every time she opens her eyes due to the pain in her head.
Why I’m telling you all this is I’m curious if this is indicative of how all males and females relate when they are living together and one of them becomes sick.
One other thing she does is when she asks you to get her something, then you go get it, and when you deliver it she has another thing for you to get that she forgot she needed. You ask her if there is anything else while you are getting her things because your friends are waiting for you in matchmaking on halo 3.
She says no, you go get the other item and lo and behold when you start walking away, she goes, Oh wait I just remembered what else I wanted. And when you turn around with red eyes she bitches that you are not being sensitive to her needs while she feels like shit.
My boyfriend and I both had this awesome allergy/sinus infection thing going on last week. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was dirtying my dishes, or lifting. When I wasn’t working, I was lifting, or cleaning his dirty dishes. Not much different from a normal day.
Not all women turn into needy little girls when they’re sick. The only time I remember wanting others to do things for me was when I was so sick that sitting up was enough to make me vomit again.
When I’m sick I know I’m sick and I’ve been sick before and that sooner or later I’m going to be well again.
When She Say is sick, it’s most definitely a new strain of swine flu she has developed, or a new bubonic plague and she’s pretty sure she’s going to die, but she doesn’t want to go to the doctor.
