T Nation

Being Married and Still Lifting?


#1

Okay T Nation,

Here's my thing, I'm 22 years old, power lifting for 3 years. Senior in college about to get a degree in physics. So here's the main question then I will give my story:
Is it still possible to keep lifting and training, doing what makes you happy even when you are married?

So story:
Met this girl 5 (soon to be 6) years ago when I was in the UK. Hit it off, stayed in contact emailed every day (one or more times). We get back on the same continent, meet up and we get engaged. I am happy about it, she's a great girl, supports me, builds me up ,and I do the same for her.

To fast forward a bit, the engagement was in Aug, it's now about to be Nov. She's back in the EU studying. We skype a lot, email a lot. I'm going over for New Years.
ANyways long story shot, I'm getting the whole, "You can't be married, and still workout." Something I don't believe. I want to continue lifting, and yes I know both sides have to make sacrifices but to what end?
Any thoughts here are greatly appreciated


#2

what the fuck


#3

Shut up and go and lift you bastard.

But seriously, if your fiancee can't understand your needs to lift, you should dump her now.


#4

Why the hell would any grown man with ballz marry some girl who forced him to quit what he loved to do?

Mind you, I do see this very often. I know guys who ride (motorcycle) seriously who suddenly give it up because their girl told them too. I see that as a loss of your fucking manhood.

I would never marry someone who made me stop doing something I enjoyed that much just to be with them. Hell, what is she giving up that she loves to do everyday?

You are setting yourself up for some real problems with that marriage if you lose yourself just to be with someone else.

We all know some compromises need to be made, but anyone truly ceasing to be who they were before marriage likely won't be married that long.

Yeah, most guys probably do quit lifting when they get married. That is why most married guys gain upwards of 20lbs of pure fat and lose any muscle they had within the first two years of marriage.

Let her run your life in the beginning and you will end that life with her still in the driver's seat.

But I guess some guys like that.


#5

She wants you to look like shit so she doesnt feel bad about the 30 pounds she plans on gaining as soon as you say "I do".


#6

Well as a twenty-two year old male, I suppose you lack some of the communication skills involved in being in a relationship with another human being. I offer you these steps:

  1. Skype your woman.
  2. Ask (this involves talking, in case you weren't sure) your woman if she likes that your hobby is power lifting.
  3. Talk to your woman about your hobby.
  4. If she shows enthusiasm about your interests, awesome!
  5. ?????
  6. Profit.

If your woman cannot handle your attention being somewhere else, there is serious emotional maturity/intelligence issues that she may need to deal with. I am not talking about your attention being on other* women. I am talking about a job, hobby, business, children, friends, &c. If your only attention is her, you'll end up being the most uninteresting person because she'll won't be happy until you focus on her. This will tire you out and you'll give in. She likely thinks that is a great idea (that you solely focus on her), but she'll slowly turn away from you as the relationship goes stale from neither of you growing.

*Your sexual attention should be towards your woman. She should be one of the top things in your life that gets your attention. Not the only thing.


#7

this is a stupid thread

but i'm here for a reason

you lifting while married should not be a problem, time-wise, unless you do like 5 hour workouts

if you have kids, lifting will have to take a backseat most likely. even then, you can lift a lot, just on less sleep.

i can't believe i honestly answered this


#8

That is very very well said


#9

You never answered my question, does the doctor have a fiance?


#10

Exactly.

I'm sure something like that would come up in the courting stage. I highly doubt any human being can "hide" their hobby. It's a part of them.

"This is who I am, it's a hobby, it's what I enjoy, it's the activity I enjoy when I'm not with you. If you'd like to do it with me, I'll be even happier, but there is no obligation to do so. But please don't tell me I can't do what I enjoy".

And besides we're talking about something productive like weight training (or whatever you call it) not gambling, addictive online gaming or a host of other unproductive activities.


#11

This aint gonna work, you know that.
You'll be eating healthy and she will order takeouts.. You'll start arguing about you not eating together, stop having sex because you're both fed up ( and she's getting fat ) so why go on with all of that, right?


#12

Who the hell is telling you you can't be married and lift?

If she can't understand your need to hit the gym for an hour or two out of the day, I don't think she's the right one for you.

Don't rush things from this point on. You have been doing a long distance thing, and that's great. But when she's in your pocket 24/7, you will start to realize all the little shit she does that drives you crazy. Stay engaged and live with her for a year, if you still are lifting as much as you want, and are genuinely happy, go on with it. If not, hit the strip club.


#13

Like a couple of others have said, just talk to her. In reality, a good relationship won't require that you quit doing what you love. A good marriage won't ask either of you to quit doing what you love to do.

Example, my wife does not understand my want to compete. Makes no sense to her. However, she is supportive. When friends try to make plans with us, she will ask if it can be X day because the original day is deadlift day. She will look at me when I don't want to finish my food and say, "What would Dave Tate say?" When we were looking at houses the first question she would ask was, "Can we fit your squat rack in here?"

Now, on the flip side, I will wake up early so that I can lift before work so that we can leave a couple of hours earlier to travel to her parents. If her favorite ballet comes to town (Side note: I really hate the ballet, but it is better than opera.) I will squat on Thursday instead of Wednesday and take her to the ballet.

Marriage is give and take. Always talk with each other, and no one gives up anything.


#14

By the powers vested in me by the auspices of T-Nation, I hereby strip you of your membership and posting privileges here at T-Nation, effective immediately.

Clean out your locker and get the fuck out. Don't forget your balls.


#15

It's ok, he didn't bring them. His fiancee has them.


#16

I'm married and have a kid and I hit the gym at least 5 days a week. I really can't think of any reason why being married would hinder that. The only time I've taken off was a few months after we had the baby, and that was just long enough to establish some sort of routine.

Maybe try hitting her?


#17

Wait until she says, "You can't be married and still have sex."


#18

Honestly, if you have to ask this question, you(as an individual) are probably not mature enough to be getting married yet. You might want to take some time to figure out exactly what it means.


#19

Fine fine fine, I get it. I'm going to reclaim my balls now!


#20

I don't understand all the animosity. OP, this was a very important question to ask. It shows that you are thinking about making sacrifices in a marriage, which is something that you definitely have to do. However, you should address your concerns to your fiance. What is her situation? Does she do any lifting? Does she like to stay active? If lifting is so important to you, your fiance should be able to mesh with your goals (and of course you with her's)