So this is a pretty “Ballsy” move I’m doing here but interesting at the same time.
Recently in my life there have been some events that changed life as I know it. To start with the backstory.
I have had an issue I have been dealing with since about age 3, I can vividly remember the feelings I used to have. Since then I have been dealing with the issue on and off with varying degrees of success. Two fridays ago it finally reached a peak (again I tried previously when I was 14) and I wrote a suicide not to my brother and took off in the car.
Later on the cops caught me coming out of a truckstop on the 401 (highway) with a rope and they found the other note I wrote for my parents and my fiancee in the car. I was taken to Mental Health Assessment at the hospital and had to see a psychiatrist. My parents also got there and well since I was close to rock bottom I told them about the issue along with everyone else.
The reason why I tried to kill myself is because I am transgendered. As I am sure most people can understand why a person would want to kill themselves, you are always judged and discriminated against, you are viewed as sub human and a lot of times beat up. being transgendered has a 41% suicide rate and that is only those who report it.
I know a lot of people view this as being a freak and some view it as a choice. Why would someone willingly subject themselves to a life of hardships? the answer is because the alternative is worse. I did try everything to “cure” it or make it go away. I tried not caring and just ate myself intro oblivion.
I tried drinking, drinking 2 bottles of whiskey for a year while I lived in england. I tried being ubermasculine bulking up to 275 lbs with 19" arms and some very decent lift numbers. None of it worked, it just came back all the same which led me to wanting to end my life.
Having to come out has by far been the hardest thing i’ve done in my life. Telling my fiancee almost crushed me. It requires a certain amount of balls (pun intended). I have chosen to continue with transition otherwise I will find myself where I was that Friday night or worse. It will be a very hard time in my life but I have faith that things will get better.
I come from a family where growing up was hard. They have been accepting and as long as I stay in this world they can deal with the rest. So in short yeh, if anyone has ever wondered about it and had questions now is a good time to ask. Also no jokes are off limits, I still have a freaking sense of humour.