Heya T-folk, welcome to my self-imposed weekly column “Behind the Vines”. In primate news, Eric’s ass is recovering nicely. The ass doctor said that I can weight train as long as a don’t strain myself. He suggested doing lower weight and high reps and I applauded myself on not laughing in his face (I held it in). Hey, c’mon, he’s an ass doctor. My toe healed in about two days, so my short reign as royal gimp was happily short lived.
So, before you click off this post to read something that has a lucid point, I wanted to ask if anyone has any experience with Impact Sport’s doorway chin-up bar. I can’t fit a drill-in chin-up bar in my doorway because a) I live in an apartment and b) my walls are made of plaster layered as thin as phyla dough. So, this alternative boasts a handle that fits snugly into the doorway. Now while a modern day Nostradomus I do not claim to be, I can, indeed invison myself at the top half of my third rep when the thing gives way and I’m tasting my first four vertebre while simeltaneously being rained upon with plaster chunks, like some new biblical pestulance sent to teach me not to “Put a friction-based chin-up bar in thy doorway.” So I can take my chance(s), I doubt I’ll get more than one with the bar, afterall it is only $20. Still, that could quickly evolve into $20 spent towards a $2,000 medical bill. I can see myself in the hospital, screaming for Grow! to be added to my IV, drooling as the candystriper vixen bends over and accidentally gets my cathater stuck on the hem of her little mini dress. Do I need this in my life right now…I’ll wait a couple paychecks. I’ll be at the Charles Staley seminar in a couple weeks, looks cool. I’m looking forward to seeing some of my T-bretheren there. I wonder if I’ll have any trouble convincing people that I’m the actual “Monkeyboy” from the forum. Who the hell else would admit to that? Should be fun.
The fine people from Musclemag in Carle Place, NY inform me that they shall be having an expo soon, complete with an appearence by Lee Priest. I’m going to bring some ground chicken, and see if I can cook it on his blood-pressurized, overheated forehead. I swear my weights are sending me subliminal messages since I haven’t touched them in over a week. I’m just waiting to wake up in the middle of the night with my Powerblocks looking down at me and blinking. Finally, I’d just like to stress how proud I am of my bud Brian, who recently dropped ten pounds that he gained living dorm life at Syracuse U. He now runs five days a week and has begun a weight training program, which I get to formulate for him. We’re still working out his diet, and I had him buy a bottle of T-2 and gave him a complimentary packet of Grow! (I felt like such a pusher, the first one is free…heh heh) So Brain, if you’re reading this, and you better damn well be as I’ve taken the trouble to mark it on your favorite places, kickass work bro. That’s it for this week, hope you enjoyed this first (hopefully not last) installment. I am in such workout withdrawal right now…Lata.
"MB Eric: Before he's done you're havin' fun since 2001."