T Nation

Behind the Vines Vol. 1 6/06/01

Heya T-folk, welcome to my self-imposed weekly column “Behind the Vines”. In primate news, Eric’s ass is recovering nicely. The ass doctor said that I can weight train as long as a don’t strain myself. He suggested doing lower weight and high reps and I applauded myself on not laughing in his face (I held it in). Hey, c’mon, he’s an ass doctor. My toe healed in about two days, so my short reign as royal gimp was happily short lived.

So, before you click off this post to read something that has a lucid point, I wanted to ask if anyone has any experience with Impact Sport’s doorway chin-up bar. I can’t fit a drill-in chin-up bar in my doorway because a) I live in an apartment and b) my walls are made of plaster layered as thin as phyla dough. So, this alternative boasts a handle that fits snugly into the doorway. Now while a modern day Nostradomus I do not claim to be, I can, indeed invison myself at the top half of my third rep when the thing gives way and I’m tasting my first four vertebre while simeltaneously being rained upon with plaster chunks, like some new biblical pestulance sent to teach me not to “Put a friction-based chin-up bar in thy doorway.” So I can take my chance(s), I doubt I’ll get more than one with the bar, afterall it is only $20. Still, that could quickly evolve into $20 spent towards a $2,000 medical bill. I can see myself in the hospital, screaming for Grow! to be added to my IV, drooling as the candystriper vixen bends over and accidentally gets my cathater stuck on the hem of her little mini dress. Do I need this in my life right now…I’ll wait a couple paychecks. I’ll be at the Charles Staley seminar in a couple weeks, looks cool. I’m looking forward to seeing some of my T-bretheren there. I wonder if I’ll have any trouble convincing people that I’m the actual “Monkeyboy” from the forum. Who the hell else would admit to that? Should be fun.

The fine people from Musclemag in Carle Place, NY inform me that they shall be having an expo soon, complete with an appearence by Lee Priest. I’m going to bring some ground chicken, and see if I can cook it on his blood-pressurized, overheated forehead. I swear my weights are sending me subliminal messages since I haven’t touched them in over a week. I’m just waiting to wake up in the middle of the night with my Powerblocks looking down at me and blinking. Finally, I’d just like to stress how proud I am of my bud Brian, who recently dropped ten pounds that he gained living dorm life at Syracuse U. He now runs five days a week and has begun a weight training program, which I get to formulate for him. We’re still working out his diet, and I had him buy a bottle of T-2 and gave him a complimentary packet of Grow! (I felt like such a pusher, the first one is free…heh heh) So Brain, if you’re reading this, and you better damn well be as I’ve taken the trouble to mark it on your favorite places, kickass work bro. That’s it for this week, hope you enjoyed this first (hopefully not last) installment. I am in such workout withdrawal right now…Lata.

"MB Eric: Before he's done you're havin' fun since 2001."


No…no experience with that bar. Hope that helped.

My verbally incontinent friend, I have not tried the friction-type chin bars, having a screw in type myself, but I believe the ends of the bars you’re talking about are made of rubber. I think they will work well. I don’t know if this will convice you, but Gary Larson drew a Far Side cartoon based on his personal experience with one of those things. The guy in the cartoon was knocked cold on the floor from hitting his head on the top of the door jamb, but the bar was still affixed to the doorway. I believe those bars have a screwing out action that allowed the bar to be wedged very tightly in the doorway. It’s not just spring loaded like a curtain rod. Give it a try and let us know from your hospital bed how it worked for you (heh heh, just kidding).

MonkeyBoy, I have a bar from Champs Sports that cost $30. It is removable, and latches on nicely to any door. It says it can hold up to 300lbs, I just hope my door jam can handle it. I’ve had mine for two years. I love it. It has a variety of grips and is convenient to use. I’ve even taken it with me on vacation before. So I highly suggest looking into one. I don’t know if it’s a “friction” type bar. It just has a place to lodge into the door jam and stays steady. Get one!

MB, I remember T-Mag mentioning a chin bar in a previous issue- “Things we like” I think. Sorry, don’t remember the name of the bar. Try a search.

I watched my roomate do exactly what you are concerned about.I was sitting in the living room with my girlfriend when I roomate walked in. while comming throught the doorway he thought he’d do a chin. Well to make it short he pulled it right out of the door fram and fell on his ass with a tremendeous thump. The bar followed him down and hit him in the head. No doubt in retribution for dislodging it from its perch.
Take home message? friction chin bar=bad.

If it doesn’t work, you can always do dumbbell pullovers and undergrip rows. You can superset them too. By the way, has anyone used Poliquin’s gymnast back routine? I did it for four weeks and my lats got huge.

Eric, if you were a writer in one of my magazines, I’d sure as hell be paying you by the assignment, rather than by the word!

Be cautious with any doorway chin bar that uses friction or even screws to attach itself; they just don’t hold up. Would your landlord allow you to bust a hole in your plaster or drywall ceiling and use lag bolts to attach it to the floor beams for the upper floor? That works well; one can also hang a pully and make a nice lat pulldown that way. Don’t laugh; a buddy of mine did both of these things in his apartment just after he graduated from college, and there was no gym in the first town he got a job in. You gotta do what you gotta do; the damage deposit he lost was far less than the cost of a gym membership!

And about feeding Lee Priest; he begins his diet for the Olympia July 1, so if you see him before that I practically guarantee he’ll eat whatever you bring him, but chicken breasts aren’t the thing. Try french fries or Crispy Creme donuts. Two weeks ago when we were at dinner together at a show, people were ordering french fries and having them sent to our table for him! He’s a good sense of humour about it all, and having watched him eat three desserts after a big meal, I know he’ll take it in. But only this month, then he diets as stricly as anyone in the sport.

MB – Yes, I’ve used one a looooong time ago. Something to keep in mind is how most door jams are constructed – a pre-hung door with a gap all the way around to the framing and shims between in a few places. What happened to me is (1) I started cracking the door frame putting the bar up the first time, and (2) even after I set it up on the shim locations, I had to keep tightening up the bar as the pressure eventually pushed out the wall studs and widened the door jam entirely. I did have a couple of “ass kissing carpet” reps, but I kept my grip on the bar, so there was no head damage (or maybe the damage happened long before that). I only weighed 140-150 at the time. I’d advise either a lifting cage or one of those combined dip/chin contraptions (if you have the space).

Not to go off on a tangent, but since Nate Dogg is a stickler for spelling :wink: jamb, Etymology: Middle English jambe, from Middle French, literally, leg, from Late Latin gamba – more at GAMBIT Date: 14th century 1 : an upright piece or surface forming the side of an opening (as for a door, window, or fireplace) 2 : a projecting columnar part or mass. Probably the slang word for legs, gams, come from the same origins. Take care.

Hyok, you busted me again! I’ll have to be more careful in my posts to get certain words correct! LOL! I know, I know, I tend to slack on spelling when I post. But not too bad. Sometimes I just “zonk” out and don’t even realize I spell certain words wrong! But you got me! I’m going to hunt you down and eat your flesh for busting me! LMAO!!!

Hey Nate, eat Mike Mahler first:) He’s a vegan. English is kinda fucked up with all the inconsistent spellings and grammar, when you think about it. I’ve read somewhere that dyslexia is higher among English speaking countries when compared to other coutries that speak a more homogeneous language like Italian, French or Japanese.

Hey M-Boy E. I don’t know if you’ve already ruled this out and I don’t know about your space, but if you’re worried about the safety of a door chin bar, go to Modell’s or The Sport’s Authority (which I think there is one on 59th street and 3rd) and check out one of those chin and push-up stations. They’re pretty solid. Should cost about $99, so I don’t know if that’s the other reason you wanted to get a door chin.