T Nation

Beautiful Older Woman

OK, here is my situation. I’m 23 years old and have been “seeing” an older woman for the last year. We officially started dating about 2 months ago. There are a lot of differences, i’m 23, she’s 35, i’m white, she’s black, i’m still in school and have much to experience, she is working and said she would be ready for marriage if I were ready. We have a great time together, its not only about the sex (although it is the best), but we just have a great time. I have a lot of issues though, I get jealous easily, and don’t trust anyone. This causes me problems b/c she still likes to go out to clubs and bars all the time. I’m so lucky b/c she’s absolutely beautiful, I mean head turning. Every time she goes out she gets cards from recruits/agencies to be a model. She’s always asked or told she should be a victorias secret model, by men and women. Women comment to her all the time, say she’s beautiful, and of course so do guys that always hit on her. I’ve been getting increasingly jealous asking questions left and right about what people are saying to her, I mean she cant’ go anywhere without being hit on or getting approached, a comment, etc. I don’t know if I can handle someone so attractive anymore, its just too stressful. She swears she loves me, and only thinks about me, and tells everyone about me, but still, there are gonna be better, more attractive, wealthier, funnier guys and if EVERYONE is after her eventually she may take bait. She swears no, and that she can only think about me, but its just hard for me to believe that more isn’t going on w/ all her attention.


She tells me i’m the only guy she ever wanted, and all other guys wanted her and she wasnt happy. She says I should be a model, etc, and I do get approached by girls most nights I go out, and told I should model, but I worry more about her attention and of course a guy will never get the attention a girl will. Anyway, its not about who gets more attention, its just hard to deal with as I feel there’s always so much competition, and some of the clubs she goes to have a lot of attractive guys. I always had a jealousy issue, but it wasn’t as bad b/c her attention is to the extreme. To top it off, she has a perfect body (5’9", 110 lbs) NO fat, large breasts (real) and she wears short little half tops showing her stomach, which I feel makes her just begging for more attention. Even though she tells me she ignores it, but indirectly tells me she gets the attention by saying things like (my friends laugh/are jealous, etc , at the attention I get when I enter a room) Anyway, what do u guys/girls think?

forget about it. you have nothing to lose, if she fucks around… oh well find someone else. as for the jealousy, leave that for the females.

She may be beautiful, but you’ve backed yourself into a corner by allowing yourself to care enough to get jealous. Forget about her “i love yous.” There’s a saying, “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” In this case, she’s playing you. She finds you physically attractive and a good lay, but she’s so much older than you that she knows she can control you. Believe me, a beautiful 35 year old woman knows the difference between lust and love, and also knows alot more about how to play the romance game than your average 23 year old male. I know that might sound harsh, but better you hear the truth now than later…

You have been dating for 2 months and talking about marriage? Slow down Hoss. Marriage should not be in your near future. Something doesn’t smell right here and you obviously feel it too. I’d run in the other direction if I were you but, since you probably won’t, the next best thing is to take a wait and see attitude and don’t get forced into anything.

here is my judgement of you, I hope this helps… you are feeling insecure, you said it yourself in here… you think that some other wealthier, funnier, etc etc guy will come along and scoop her up. DOOD! WAKE UP! IF YOU CONTINUE THIS YOU WILL BLOW IT! You think this beautifull woman wants a boy? grow up. Be a freakin man. When you walk into the room say: no man is my equal. When you look at the other guys say to yourself that you are the man. Guess what? you are the man! you got this hot chick with you and she continually choses to be with you. You are the reason for this stress YOU! not her, not these doods who are looking at a hot chick and asking her out or whatever. Its like this… whoever is more jealous in a relationship has the least power. Final piece of advice… STOP IT! STOP BEING JEALOUS! good luck

find yourself another woman, or two. Keep fucking them all for a while and then see how you still feel about her.

This is the most superficial, screwed up post. Screwed up in terms, that it seems what everyone else thinks matters most. I’ve got no answer for you.

Freebie has summed up your situation and given you some good advice. Grow up brother, your jealousy will scare her off before long. There is nothing more pathetic than a jealous boyfriend. It reeks of insecurity and low self esteem. She’s with you so why be jealous? Take the attitude that whaterver happens, happens. Live in the moment and enjoy your time with her. If it becomes a long term relationship; bonus. If you keep acting the way you’ve come across in your thread, around her, she will kick your ass to the curb. Good luck

Women are a lot better than men at ignoring and/or deflecting attention. YOU need to deal with your own issues and insecurity. Enjoy the relationship, work on yourself.

Dude you say you get approached by women all the time…nothing happens w/ these women…Your older hotter skirt don’t need to know that…start playing her…make her jealous…make connections w/ these women…and don’t take noo shit from thess other guys…especially when you are talking to them…the more uninterested in her you act the more she will suspect…send yourself some flowers and get a female friend to sign the card…have them deliverd when your both home…sit back and watch the mood change…then do the same to her…send her some flowers w/ a friend of yours signature and be at her work when she receives them…make sure some of her co workers are around…turn the table on herand make her want you…

You have no problem, unless you create one. This will not last, so enjoy it while you can. And BTW, whoever cares the least has the power. Think about it.

It doesn’t sound like she is the problem here. Because of your own apparent insecurity, you are starting to doubt your ability to be “good enough” for her. Don’t expect her to believe in you, or anyone to, for that matter until you turn the tables around and say to yourself, Damn I’m so lucky… this hot and really good girl is with me but could be with anyone else! That in itself should pump you up. Don’t let yourself show what you don’t think you can do, show what you know you have goin onk, and from the sounds of it, you better work extra hard to prove to yourself that you are worth it. No one else counts.

dats true man…dat join about the power…it’s mad true.

Hey man, take a deep breath, and reeeeelaaaxx! You are being way tooo hard on yourself and taking things way too seriously. Look, you are too young to be getting all hung up on an older woman. I have dated older women before, and they are awesome, because they are more mature and experienced, but don’t get too emotionally attached because they are also more experienced at playing games. Just enjoy it while it lasts but keep your options open, do not dismiss other women when they approach you, you could be shooting yourself in the foot. As far as marriage goes, the national age average for a guy to get married is around 27 so you have a few yaers to go. Not to mention it is totally normal for young guys to have alot of issues. You have a lot of energy when you are young, it’s easy for pent up energy to turn sour if you aren’t carefull. Don’t let yourself think about her cheating on you, look at the bigger picture, and I am going to sound shallow when I say this, but she isn’t going to be drop dead gorgeous forever, at 35 she has probably peaked, you need to enjoy it while you can. Just keep trying really hard to keep things in perspective. Never let yourself feel pressured by time, keep working on yourself, stay emotionally unattached from women until you feel like you are ready to start a family. All of your relationships are just practice until you are ready to settle on one specific woman, and make damn sure she wants the same things you want. You are ultimately the one that decides how you are going to feel, vent your anger in your workouts, and focus on staying cool the rest of the time. In my experience, relationships with older women don’t workout in the long run, just have fun, you’ll have some great memories, and get some good experience from her. But remember it’s your life, ultimately it’s about you, make sure you are enjoying life, nothing is worth getting your balls in a knot unless it is a matter of life or death.

I don’t understand. Is she good looking or not?

Guys, Thanx a lot for the feedback. I thought I’d get flamed for a post like this but u all had some really good insight, and I’m gonna use what you all said b/c I agree with much of it. Sometimes its just better to get an unbiased opinion, and I thank u all for it.

Dr. John will not be able to help without more information. You need to post some nude photos of this woman and give me the sight. I need them from all angles (you didn’t describe the ass so I will require several poses there) and then I will be more able to assess your concerns and options. I am here to help.