T Nation

Beautiful Girls

Are guys “afraid” of beautiful, talented, and intelligent girls? If the answer is yes, then why? If the answer is no, then why is it that these women often remain single and are often less “popular” than their less attractive counterparts?

There’s two things at work here, in my opinion:
(1) There’s an impression that the beautiful are “stuck up”, shallow, etc. Yes, there are those, but it’s not the majority.
(2) Low self-image/self esteem. The guy doesn’t feel “worthy” of such a beautiful girl.

I’m only afraid of women with red skin, horns, tails and lowerbodies of goats… aka devil women… all other women don’t scare me cept if I were tied up and some crazed militant feminist lesbians wanted to make me into an eunch. But to answer your question seriously when I see a really hot women I think she must be attached to some milliounaire model/race car driver so I’d best just move on there’s nothing to see here.

Yes, no and no. Some guys may be somewhat intimidated by certain girls because they may feel that a very beautiful woman is out of their league and will have a fear of being embarrassed by her. Not always, but sometimes. On the other hand, if a girl happens to be very attractive and knows it, she’s going to carry herself like an arrogant and stuck-up bitch and most guys wouldn’t want to talk to someone like that. Girls like that shoot themselves in their own feet.

I am slowly allowing my self to not succumb to the pressures of approaching a beautiful woman. I first keep the conversation to a light “how-ya-doin” and see if there is any room to squeeze anything else in there judging by her answer. if she seems possibly into it, i go on with the plan and find something she is interested in, which i have to pause 8 seconds just to think of something.
any tips for thinking of something right off the bat gentleman/ladies??

Maybe it is just me, but beautiful, talented (for what?) and especially intelligent people are hard to come across, women even more so. I am trying to remember a single woman that I know personally, and that could fit this description, and I am very unsuccessful doing so. Therefore, I cannot give a reasonable answer to your question. Another thing - where does this notion that beautiful, talented and intelligents girls often remain single and are less “popular” than less attractive/intelligent/talented ones? I don’t know about talent or intelligence (they say intelligence is the most abundant thing in the Universe), but attractive women are pretty much all in a relationship where I live. Of course, there is a set of things that is important to everybody - for example, you have established intelligence, appearance and talent as a criteria for female virtue - my personal choices include intelligence in the first place (they usually fail on the first exam…), moral integrity, character, lack of personal emotional baggage and finally something in her looks that I am attracted to - it does not have to be a “cover page beauty” ideal. If a possibility of complex event is a multiplication of separate event possibilities and some of the criteria I have mentioned come close to 0, it explains why I am single right now. :frowning: Please, disregard the spelling and grammar part, I am in a hurry and have to go to work, so I don’t have the time to check it right now…

I think guys can get afraid of approaching very attractive women because she seems like a bigger prize, more of a catch if you get, therefore the situation seems more important. And just like when you go to speak on stage, you get more nervous the more important it seems, even though you may have easily recited the speech while alone. When we see a pretty face we don’t want to mess it up so we tense up. But remember, the only power a woman has over you is that which you give her. So it’s all in your head, that means you can change it…But first, think about this: Think of a hottie you saw back during X-mas, now think of who you wanted to be your Valentine, remember that blonde during Spring Break, and the Daddy’s girl in church during Easter who you were really praying for? The point is that there will always be another girl, always. Remember this next time you talk to a new girl. Also, tell yourself that this new girl is no more important than any other girl out there.

So, if you guys are scared to approach beautiful women, what is the woman to do to make herself appear more approachable? She obviously can’t change her appearance. What if she is shy to make the first move? Should she anyways? Do guys like it when girls make the first move?
And Axy, there are a lot of very beautiful, intelligent women out there, and not all of them are attached. As a matter of fact, when I was growing up, most of the “hotties” I grew up with ended up staying single or in really bad relationships. I could never quite understand it.

Well I’ll admit it, I am scared to go up and ask a very attractive girl for her phone number. For her to make herself seem more available, either say hello, or if that is still too scary for her, look at the dude and smile and show off the pearly whites. Then I wouldn’t be as scared. Sorry guys, but I don’t have balls like that.

Yes, approach the guy if you are interested. Men will very rarely blow off or be rude to a woman that comes up to talk to them because it almost never happens. As a male, if a girl came up to me to talk but I had no interest in her, I’d still be nice and try to maintain a conversation with her. If she gave me her number, I’d accept it but I simply wouldn’t call her (I wouldn’t want to embarrass her). The point is, you’ll almost never have anything to lose, so go ahead and do it. Confidence and out-going personalities are a two-way attraction; most guys like these qualities in girls also.

I think its because at least in part, most men feel a power disparity with girls, females automatically have a power advantage, the dummier they are the more they fall for psych (lines) games, are easier to manipulate (conn out of their panties), and don’t demand as much, less work for more certain gain, and easier to keep, less worried about someone ‘stealing them’ away.

And don't beautiful, talented, and intelligent girls want beautiful, talented, and intelligent boys? there's not a lot of those around either.

I have no problems with, and actually prefer, beautiful talented and intelligent girls, but because they are beautiful talented and intelligent, they are out of my league, wont give me the time of day.

Nathan, those truly are words to live by. I just got turned down earlier today by a beautiful, intelligent, and talented girl, and you just made it all better :slight_smile: thanks

a lot of times beautiful girls are stereotyped as being bitches and snobs, and guys wont hit on them with the assumption that they will turn them down in a snooty way. i think its hard to go up and talk to a girl when she’s with her friends, but when she’s alone, i set my radar lock and fire the missle every time. (although many times the missle doesnt hit the target.)

I know this is a “sausage fest” thread - but I’ll chime in. Most “beautiful, intelligent and talented” women don’t think they’re “beautiful, intelligent and talented” - it’s not like they get up in the morning and wink at themselves in the mirror while saying “HOT damn, I’m sure beautiful, intelligent and talented.” Geez, if they’re successful (which I’m assuming that many "BIT"s’ are), then they’re too busy trying to achieve their goals to even think this way.

I know, I know there are very superficial folks out there (both female and male) who think this way. BUT the majority don't. I'd say if you see someone who is a "BIT" then, by all means, approach. Watcha gonna lose? And if she says "not interested", you can always come back here into the forum to vent ;-)

I partly agree with Axy and Patricia. It is conceited wannabes who usually think they are
“beautiful, talented, and intelligent girls”. And no, I am not talking about conceited BEAUTIFUL women but about conceited AVERAGE women both physically and mentally!
Seriously, all the truly intelligent beautiful chicks I have known have not stayed single for more than…two months maybe. Granted some times they may date somenone who is not equally attractive(to the opposite sex) as them, but they rarely “remain single” and are "less “popular”. As for women who think they are “beautiful, talented, and intelligent”, yeap they do remain single, at least in the two places where I have lived (in 2 different continents btw), and it sure is funny when they make the first and more or less desperate move.
So really, “beautiful, talented, and intelligent” is HIGHLY subjective, just be friendly.
BTW, what the fuck is “talented” anyway???

What about those girls who go on the Jenny Jones show thinking they’re too intelligent & beautiful to get a guy? I see them get quizzed on things like ‘how many letters in the alphabet?’ & ‘how many inches in a foot?’ etc etc. It’s obvious that they’re just conceited bitches with no modesty (which is why they’re never covered up also) & that’s why they can’t get a guy. Then some guy will say he’d never go near a girl like one of them & of course she says he’d never have a chance anyway & just pisses people off more. It’s good for a girl to think that she looks good, but too good to get a date? If there’s a particular guy she can’t get a date with, that’s pretty normal, but if NO GUY will want to go out with her, wouldn’t you say that something’s wrong with her attitude? I’m only afraid of talking to a girl when she’s with one of her friends. Then I’ve got to get two girls to like me. If one doesn’t, she won’t let her friend either. Bill Maher put it best when he said that girls who are model material never have guys approach them because they know they’ll get SHOT DOWN & they’re just saving themselves the trouble of going through the procedure. Some day I’ll never have to put up with that because I’ll be a mathematician AND a firefighter. :slight_smile:

Agree that any woman who’s (a) single and (b) has something going for her should make the first move. I also would always at least engage the woman in some conversation, even if I didn’t find her attractive, just for the purpose of reinforcing positive behavior if nothing else.


But I get the feeling from the thread that people are thinking about the bar scene more than anything else, and that’s probably a mistake. May, if you want to find a date here’s my Plan for Success: 1. Find a club or organization that does something you’re interested in. Chess, backpacking, baking, whatever. 2. Join the club(s). 3. Scope out the guys, finding one you like the looks of. 4. Approach. 5. Well, you probably won’t have to worry about #5, because he’ll take it from there if he’s interested.


If you don’t find what you’re looking for on the first try, you can always quit the club and join another one. Or else try the supermarket, library, gym… God, it would be great to be hit on by a woman in a gym… Excuse me, I have to, um, go take care of something now…

I, like axy, am also at a loss of where these girls are, because I would be VERY interested in one. But the combination of beautiful and intelligent doesn’t seem to happen all too often, at least from what I’ve found. I think in my years I’ve known one that can fit that description.

I was hoping that you could read between my lines how intelligent and beautiful women probably do exist; it is just that I did not meet any so far. Hell, I met perhaps a few women that are intelligent and a few that look good, but I have never been able to found both in one person; if you add my other priorities like character and moral integrity, I guess the count is even lower. The answer to your question is: yes, I would be thrilled to meet a woman that makes the first move. I met some women who did just that and we hit it off immediately, but they were not the keeper material. Finally, I did not speak here at all about fear of approaching beautiful women, so I will try to make up for that. I have no fear from them at all - I just have to find internal drive to approach a total stranger - it has nothing to do with fear but lack of personal motivation and perhaps “approval signals” from the other side.

I have a friend, and he always says that a chick is out of his league and that he knows his limits. I can’t stand that. You also have to look at it like this: If you approach her and she says no, then you didn’t lose anything because you didn’t have it to begin with and that is better than no approach because you took the chance. Now, say you approach and you have your game with you, and she says yes, then you are the man and that could be your future mrs., and she can pop out a few trophy’s that you can sport to prove that you are the man. I personally use to not approach the hotties, I figure I might as well give it a shot. Plus you may never see any of them again so if you fail miserably then you won’t get heckled in the future. The mental block with me a lot of the time also was the boyfriend factor.