Beating the Weakassness Out of Me: TGF

September of 2020, I woke up one morning and was absolutely disgusted with myself.

My investors liquidated all US assets, perceiving COVID to be a permanent issue, and I lost my business. Five years of grueling research, product development, launch, and absolute slaving to become profitable - up in smoke. As I went through personal and professional bankruptcy, I stuffed my face with any and everything to cope.

I weighed 300lbs (6’4" 40% BF). Disgusting.

I couldn’t keep up with my kids (I’m 35 now).

I have a smoking hot wife and I hated to even make eye contact with her because I was so disgusted with myself.

I even tried to justify it as, “well at least I’m not drinking and doing drugs” - but the reality was, I was fast pacing myself to death’s grip simply by being a disgusting sack of shit.

So as I came to terms that I was going to have to start all over again and build a new business, I found it fitting to build a new me. I owed it to my kids and more importantly I owed it to my wife. Losing the business put her through hell. She doesn’t deserve to also have to endure some fat sack of disgusting shit scrambling to rebuild stability. I don’t want my kids to see me as a giant meat ball and think that’s an acceptable self-image to put forth to the world.

I haven’t trained since I got married 11 years ago. I worked hard in a very niche industry that required a lot of manual labor and that kept me in good shape, but when I became self employed, I took more of a hands off position and my lifestyle became sedentary. Though I had/have an intense level of self-disgust, I didn’t really know what to do. My dad had lost a bunch of weight on a ketogenic diet. So with the advent of 2021, I opted to start with that diet.

The weight fell off quickly at first and then I plateaued somewhere around -55lbs. To be fair, I looked significantly better at 245lbs, but It was apparent I had lost so much muscle mass. In lieu of immediately jumping into moving heavy weights, I started running. No real plan, just put some fucking shoes on and run.

I had forgotten about my chronic achilles tendonitis from my basketball days. It hurt, still hurts.

I had forgotten about my hip flexor issue. It hurt, still hurts.

But fuck it, just run.

I’d run for a minute, walk a minute, then two minutes, then three minutes.

It fucking hurt (still hurts), but there’s more at stake here than a little pain.

Shit got weird the further and longer I started running. I was no longer losing weight, my recovery time from a one mile run was 48-72 hours, but I was losing body fat - albeit slowly. I tried playing with my diet, adding some carbs back to aide in recovery. I felt better but I was not shedding fat as quickly as I was. This went on for two months, with my run distance getting longer, my cardio improving, but my weight stagnant. I did manage to develop some decent leg musculature. But I never could find the right diet to meld harmony between recovery, continued accelerated weight loss, and energy for harder and farther runs.

I have a fairly large online presence because of the niche industry I’m in and my business, and as part of that, I had someone approach me about TRT. I had never considered it before, but the symptom sheet read like a page from my biography. I took two sets of bloods and was a bit stunned at what I saw for my age. TT 300-313, FT 8-8.2 – Fasted, rested, first thing in AM. In lieu of “trusting the docs” and jumping right in, I decided to delay jumping on the TRT train until I tried a few other supplements (Vit D, Mg, Zn). Took another blood test a month later and there was no movement. Is that long enough to see any movement? Probably not, but it was convincing enough for me to pull the trigger.

I have a generalized distrust of most doctors so I started reading about blood level stability, esters, and realized what I was prescribed (1 pin/wk, arimidex ed), was likely not going to work out well for me. Against medical advice, I’m on a low dose (lower than what was prescribed) TC pinned EOD with no AI. Today is the end of my second week. I feel fucking amazing. Focused. Hard. Tough. Empathetic. Emotionally available. I’m taking another blood test after the first of the year to see what changes have taken place.

So here I am, at 35, still hovering around 245lbs, still 6’4", DEXA scan at 26% BF (significantly lower than when I hit my weight loss plateau), still running(10mi/week), and now adding weight training.

My knowledge of weight training I would equate to the Dunning-Kreuger effect. Instead of trying to replicate the shit I did in college, I opted to start with the Athlean-X Push/Pull/Legs system.

Is it a valid system? I don’t know. But I’m not interested in being a body builder, I just want to look good, feel good, and hump my wife with pride.

I keep playing with my diet. A few things to note: Carbs always bloat me. Whether I eat 100g or 500g, I feel like a swollen tomato. On TRT, I recover faster than I ever have in my life. Eating carbs amplifies that recovery. Even lifting to failure, adding 100g carbs in to the diet, I feel like I could complete another lift by the time I’m going to bed. I’m struggling to find that balance. I’d appreciate any advice.

Right now I’m eating 2300 calories a day. I have no real macro plan, but I try to limit carb intake with no real reason. No sugar. Coke zero is my cheat. I just started adding whey protein, 40g, on training days immediately after lifting. I don’t know why, it just seems like what I’m supposed to do.

As time goes on, I’ll backlog my last ten workouts. For now, I feel like I’m in a 12 step program admitting I hit rock bottom and only opted to come to a meeting after 10 months of sobriety.

I need help dialing in a diet or even exercise regimen or anything anyone with more experience than me see’s. I know only enough to be dangerous and that’s a problem.

GOALS:

My goal is to get to ~15-18% body fat.

I’m not trying to be a body builder. At 6’4", I’m thinking 225-230ish at 15-18% body fat would be an ideal aesthetic.

I want to continue improving my overall strength. I’ve always been a relatively strong dude, but I want to be stronger.

I want to continue running because I do some of my best thinking (work wise) after about 10 minutes into it.

I want to figure out how to heal my achilles and my hip flexor. Had a doctor tell me I needed a new hip. Had an alternate doctor tell me to stretch. Stretching helps until I run and then its right back to the pain game. (Hip flexor issue started after I tore my ACL and opted against surgery - walked with a limp for a long time)

And I want to hump my wife all the damn time.

Again, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I’m malleable, coachable, and not risk adverse.

Glad to be here.

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Same! :crazy_face:

Looking forward to following along man

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So your ACL is still torn? I’d imagine addressing this would clear up a lot of your lower body problems. I’ve had my left one done twice; it’s certainly worth repairing.

It is, yessir. I tore it 12 years ago.

I honestly should go get it looked at but it hasn’t hurt in over a decade, including through my current run schedule.

I’m not shitting when I say I have a weird thing with doctors. Dentists too. It’s a psychosomatic thing I ought to address as well.

But 100% the change in gait post injury is the primary factor in the hip flexor weirdness. I have done some stupid ass therapies to correct my gait and it’s - for the most part - back to normal. By stupid ass, I can’t remember what it’s called, but I’m referring to this bizarre meld of chiropracty, massage, and “shakra” (I made the last word up, but there was incense and meditative music playing). It was like a 12 visit cycle that was supposed to be a near permanent fix. As crazy as it sounds, I think it psychologically helped me remain conscious about my posture.

The achilles injury has been around since highschool.

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The ACL could be a factor in why it’s so hard for to recover from a run. You likely don’t feel the pain anymore because you’re accustomed to it, but your body is still having to deal with an injury.

Good job so far, by the way

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Hot damn you got my wheels turning. I never considered that.

Logging workouts now.

I’ve been practicing form with lower weights the last two weeks. Warming my tendons/ligaments up as well because holy shit were they sore after day 1. I’ve been steadily increasing weight and it seems like every other workout I feel good increasing weight. Again, I’ll eventually back log my earlier lifts.

Chest supported lateral rows
90lbs 1 x 12
160lbs 3x8

Lat pulls
90lbs 1x20
160lbs 2x8
160lbs 1x5 fail

Non supported iso db rows (no knee up)
35lbs 2x8 slow
35lbs 1x10 slow

Close underhand grip lat pulls (feeling this in my biceps)
130lbs 1x8
120lbs 1x8
120lbs 1x6

Facepulls
42.5 1x12 slow
47.5 1x10 slow
52.5 1x10
42.5 1x10 slow

Delt flys
55 1x12
70 1x12
85 1x8
85 1x5.5 fail

Bb close grip curls
60 1x12
70 1x10
70 1x7 fail

Incline bench curl
22.5 1x12
25 1x8
25 1x8

Drinking a protein shake (50g) in the parking lot having just finished.

I’m going to run 2.5 miles on an outdoor trail/track up the road. decent hills, pretty scenery. Goal is to beat 11min/mi pace (hitting this regularly now).

I’m using a new pre-workout, pre-kaged. I dont get the beta alanine tingles quite like I did on the previous C4 I was using. No fucking clue if that means anything.

I got very little sleep this week. Averaged 5.25hrs a night. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights I was at 4, 4.5, and 4.25. I went to bed early last night and feel a shit load better.

The beauty of being self employed: you can go as hard as you fucking want

The shitty thing about being self employed: you uncontrollably go as hard as you fucking can

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My run didn’t go as well as I had planned. The further I got I to it, the better my conditioning felt, which was weird. But I got it done none the less.

I went heavier in the gym today. Is that why?

Also I normally run fasted. I had cramps the first two miles, I assume from the protein drink. I did 2x20gram scoops and 1x10g scoop of a 10g protein w/collagen peptides. No logic applied why I add the collagen shit aside from it tastes great, low carb, high protein. 390 calories, 50g protein

Will likely fast until dinner.

Will eat flat iron steak in a low carb wrap with 6 eggs, spinach, whole avocado, jalapenos, cheese, and enough tobasco sauce to sweat so hard I’ll need a second shower. Will be somewhere around 1100 calories, I think.

My college football team plays tonight (Fuck the NFL. Go SEC.) Will probably snack on some salami and cheddar cheese and another protein shake. No alcohol.

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I probably would have pooped.

Go with what works for you. Processed meats make it very difficult for me to lose weight, but you may do well on them.

Sounds great!

Good on you! Especially if this is a trigger

Ya know, you inspired me to keep it out.

My wife fucked up my dinner plans.

She wanted lobster.

I got a 12oz prime rib and broccoli.

She got a filet. No lobster.

I’m realizing how hard it is to reach my body weight in grams of protein. By my count, I’m somewhere around 100g today. I’ll do another 50g shake. That’s 150g for a 245lb person. Is that even remotely close to sufficient?

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love to drink (bourbon or Irish whisky), but this early on TRT I’m a bit scared to introduce too many substances.

I have a unique history with my liver. I found out at 32 I had hepatitis C, likely from birth, as both my mom and sister had it. Mom and sister had transfusion in the 70s (bad birth). Somehow my brother was good, dad was good, but I had it. I’ve never been one to use needles or share coke straws, so the only thing we can deduce is from child birth. Rare.

Oddly, thanks to modern chemistry, we have all been cured. And, with 3d scans and liver function testing, I was miraculously found to have a perfectly healthy, functioning liver, with no scarring.

My football team is kicking the shit out of a team they should kick the shit out of and I can’t get enough of it.

Maybe I can get my kids to bed early and smooth talk my wife into procreation practice, idk idk. What a Saturday.

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Man I hate to even ask - are you an Alabama fan?

I don’t watch football. I usually say I like who ever the girl I’m with at the time likes. Brownie points and all :tipping_hand_man:

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I don’t know. Probably? I’ve been coming to the theory that there is an absolute amount of protein requirement vs relative.

In any case, overly chasing protein targets tends to lead me to justify too many calories.

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Smart fucking man.

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Some math here,and may be theoretical numbers.

250lb dude @ 25% body fat is 60ish lbs of fat.

So 190lbs for muscle bones and skin. Let’s say 80%(.8g/1lb weight) of that is required, so that would be 152g.

Slinging shit at the wall here

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I’m in the camp that protein is more important when cutting vs building. I mean it’s still important both ways but I’d keep it higher for cutting. Plus higher protein means more food and less hunger.

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Wife is a foreigner whose culture highly regards drinking (Japanese). At her friends’ houses, the husbands are always coaxing me with booze. These fuckers don’t understand I’ve got to get up early and train.

I’m happy to take that grenade for you

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Db press
40s 1x20
60s 4x6
60s 1x2 fail (right shoulder being weird, lack stability)

Standing overhead press
115 1x3
85 3x8

1.5 iso adduction db rows
20 3x10 - right rotator cuff significantly weaker than left

Db skull crushers
20s 4x12
Left a lot in the tank on this one but right shoulder not able to keep up. Feel like I could go at least 15lbs heavier on left side

Db floor flys - felt great
50s 1x15
65s 1x12
75s 1x10

1.5 lateral raises - machine
120 1x5
110 1x8
100 2x8 fail - on right side

Incline db bench
45s 2x8
45s 1x4.25 fail on right side

Iso cable tricep extension
25 3x8 right arm failure

Rope cable tricep ext
65 3x8

Rotator cuff exercise, internal& external rotation w band

Weird workout. Right rotator cuff struggling. Will keep eye on it. May back down weight and do slow, high volume work on it. Don’t know best protocol, but got two days of no arms coming up so will give it some time to recover.

Now time to get a run in.

5 min jog
1min sprint followed by 1min walk x10
5 min jog

Couple of notes for myself:

Saturday AM eqpt avail til 1030 AM

Sunday AM eqpt avail til 11 AM.

Found myself rushing between set recovery. This was 46min from the time I got there until I left. Felt rushed bc everyone standing around waiting

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Meal time

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I haven’t lifted since Tuesday, leg day, because I’ve been out of town for Thanksgiving.

I’ve eaten in a major calorie deficit since, aside from Thanksgiving day where I probably consumed 4000 calories. The day before and after turkey day, I’ve been around 1500calories a day for whatever reason. I’m just not hungry to be honest. Another note, eating in a stronger deficit, I feel like I’m holding less water. Up to this point 2000 calories has made me feel bloated. Eating in a deficit feels better.

I ran 2.5mi on Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and today.

I drank for the first time since being on TRT yesterday. Nothing crazy, maybe 4 trulys. Couldn’t tell a difference and had no hangover. My hesitancy has partly been, aside from liver, fear of increased aggression. I definitely did not experience that. I’m not going to start drinking half a fifth of whiskey, but I feel more comfortable having a few drinks on Saturday night. My wife and I are very much drinking buddies in addition to being each other’s spouse.

My sleep is way up but seasonal allergies are contributing to slightly less sleep quality. My snore time over the last few weeks has been around 30 minutes a night. Being unseasonably cold in my area of the south, the heater has run more than normal and it always dries the shit out of my sinuses. Thus, my nose starts draining. Over the last week, my snore time has been around 1hr a night.

Screenshot_20211128-150619_Sleep

I’m ready to get back into a routine.

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