T Nation

Banned From GNC


#1

Well, I'm not exactly banned...

...but they will probably try to tackle me the next time I walk in there.

Brief rant:

I walk into my local GNC to get a few things (creatine monohydrate and salmon oil capsules), when I notice two weightlifters from my own gym standing at the counter. Now, I'm only on a first name basis with these guys (or should I say stick-figures), so I went up to say "Hi", when I noticed what they were purchasing the "David-Barr-headache inducing-supplement", NO2.

I didn't want to make a scene and be outright disrespectful, but I also didn't want to see these guys blow 250 dollars on two bottles of this shit, either.

I asked the clerk for a pen and a pad of paper, and gave them some information that would most defintely serve them better.

I wrote:

www.t-nation.com
Beginner Forum
"Are you a beginner?" thread.

Search: David Barr. "Biggest supplement scam in history, NO2."

Thankfully these guys respect me and heeded my advice. They picked up the placebo-effect inducing white pills, opened it, grabbed the protective cotton and shoved it into the clerks mouth. They then proceeded to pelt her with indivdual pills and yell: "You're a phony! A big, fat phhoonneeyy."

Luckily for her, she seeked refuge behind a cardboard cutout of Ronnie Coleman.

Ok. Actually, they just put it back in the locked case (why the hell do they lock these things up?)and bought some creatine.

The clerk lost some commision pay and possibly a little dignity.

So, next time I waltz into GNC, I'm going to be on the lookout for a big bitch with a scowl and a bloodthirsty smile...

-Nate


#2

They should thank you whole-heartedly after they check out this site!

You should have directed the lady to this site too, maybe she'd quit working there.

I think they lock up certain supplements for the "shock and awe" effect. It makes them look like so many people want them and they're worth their weight in gold.


#3

HaHA! I liked your invented version better than the real ending. lol!

Way cool for those guys!


#4

Man that's great!

Just to give a quick tip on story telling; adding ninjas shows creativity and adds spice for the reader.


#5

... but adding Ninja llamas is just plain weird.


#6

You mean they didn't really do all that stuff with the cotton or throw any pills?!

Hey everybody! Hey this guy's a phoney! A big . . . fat . . . PHONEY!


#7

...With grace comparable to that of a praying mantis, and quickness ranking only second to that of my sexual lasting power, I 540-ninja-hook kicked Ronnie's head off and sent his decapitated, veiny, gap-toothed-smilin' noggin flying into the hands of an adolescent who proceeded to make an origami swan, complete with matching pond.

Better?

-Nate


#8

hey everybody! that guy!^^^ right there!^^^^ the guy who wrote that is a........Big........Fat.........PHONEY!!!

sorry, but it happened thrice in the episode.


#9

That is funny. The best one I've ever heard at GNC was that chelated silver will prevent sars.


#10

Nate, you are wise to come to me for advice.

Although your story is much improved, there is little mention of ninja llamas, inverse tacheon beams, or kittens wearing funny hats.

I think you know what you must do.


#11

Use the force?


#12

Good work Nate, you philanthropist you. I'm liking the ninjas too, perhaps we could throw in some talking animals?


#13

Talking Ninja llamas? That would be bad-ass! Especially if they said "bad-ass" a lot. And "dude". Don't forget "dude".


#14

Talking ninja llamas? That would be BAMF!

Bad Ass, Mother Fucker!

BAMF!

I just listened to the new Dane Cook album...

-Nate


#15

It's spelled tachyon...sheesh, some Star Trek geek you are...

...well, my friend told me it's spelled that way......I've never really watched the show...or the movies...or anything like that...ummm...yeah...


#16

You know, I work at GNC and I discourage people from buying products all the time. My loyalty isn't to supplement companies; it's to the customers, and to GNC itself.

If I push products that don't work, people stop trusting me, stop buying from me, I don't make good commission, and GNC profits go down.

I've never encouraged NO2 sales. Now I have some great specific studies to relate to customers.

Oh, and next time, tell that chick at the desk to read a magazine, and you'll take care of things for her.


#17

Your Daily Recaps will drop some on your BLY and PM's on Phylex3 NO2 (about $5 now right?) can go right up Ed Byrd's ass.

We had a P.O.P behind our counter for all that nonsence and our RSD got on my ass for not pushing the sales...

Our RSD is a serious asshole too, to PM's or no PM's people dont buy the shit anyway.

I hate employees who promotes crap that dont work.


#18

I have a hard time beleiving this story. Why would someone just go off like that based on a note you pass? Why would you not just tell them what you know right there in the store?

That behavior makes no sense. Did they do this AFTER purchase? That would be stupid.....but maybe they are stupid and would take your note for gospel AND semi-assult the employee.

Did they pay for the bottle they opened?
Something does not make sense here.

Those kids deserve a Gja-Gja bitch slap if this actually happened.


#19

Hahah Funny story! How old were these guys who were about to purchase NO2? I am assuming they are in the the 20s? Out of curiosity, which GNC in which city?


#20

....Yeah, and I have a feeling the adolescent kid DIDNT complete a matching pond!