Hard disagree
This one never fails 
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OG C1W2D4
Pullups 5x7
Press
35x5
45x5
50x3
55x11
60x5
75x5 push press
45x17
Standing ab wheel progression 4x8
4x20 band pull aparts
Front and lateral raises
So yesterday my best friend asked me to show her a recent video of me deadlifting. She knows that I lift but doesn’t know much about this hobby. For example, she’s quite petite and would think that deadlifting 85 pounds is a lot. But at least she knows what a deadlift is.
While I don’t think I pulled much weight, her comment still made me so happy that I had to share. I know I brush off a lot of positivity here, but sometimes I feel like people who don’t lift know exactly what to say. I reckon this is how some people here feel when their partner comments on their training. My best friend means the world to me, and I barely get to see her in person. Usually a once per year thing – this year the number is zero.
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Of course! Don’t feel weird about asking. I don’t mind if you post here or in your log, or you can email me if that makes you feel more comfortable. I don’t know how helpful I’d be, but I’m happy to at least “listen” to whatever you’re facing. It might be a couple days until I can respond meaningfully though.
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I have nothing to offer of value, but have you sought professional help for her from a therapist?
Thanks. We may go that route soon. Other issues along the way have resolved just as we get close to entering therapy. If we can’t make progress on this issue soon we’ll put her in public school which should provide access to the appropriate therapy and other positives; at the moment she’s in a private K three days/wk.
Well then at least someone can get through to you. You’re a badass.
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I can’t comment about the other stuff, but I can relate to this:
It got me into trouble many times. People thought I was being manipulative.
I wasn’t. I was trying to “put on a face” and “act calm”
It was a “skill” learned from mum. She could go from screaming at my brother, me or dad to perfectly sweet and/or calm when a phone call came in or guests arrived.
Perhaps she also saw a lot of this type of behaviour??
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2 mile run 14:58
I probably haven’t broken 15 minutes on this since my cross country and long distance running phase. The cooler temps definitely help.
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First, I’m so glad to hear that your relationship with your daughter has improved. Being able to connect with her at such a young age will make such a difference into the future.
I want to preface by saying that I am not qualified to diagnose anything, and of course you know your own family much better than I do.
I can at least say that the behavior you describe
suggests attachment issues. A lot of kids who have undergone trauma can flip like switches. It seems spontaneous to the rest of the family, but to them it is comforting because they know they can get attention this way. Manipulation and control go hand-in-hand. Withdrawal, destruction, and outbursts are common tactics.
I think this is sort of like if a kid equates hugging with reward rather than as a way to strengthen their bond with you. I’m not saying to not offer treats for finishing homework but rather that this is how the mind can operate. You also mentioned control.
Again, it sounds like you and your wife are giving it your all and have been able to bond with her over time. But given her history, it is not unlikely that she doesn’t feel she can 100% trust you and or belong. That’s not to say that it can’t be achieved.
This is concerning. Parenting is a lot of work and even more so when a child has experienced trauma, but these episodes can become more than an annoyance for your other children. You do not want them to live in fear. So, it’s not just about your daughter and you and your wife but rather your family as a whole.
All in all, maybe this is not an attachment issue. It never hurts to be open to other causes, especially when an Internet stranger like me chimes in on your family! So you can take everything I said with a grain of salt.
If there is anything I can offer, it would be that trying therapy can’t hurt, especially with someone who has worked with young adoptees. The sooner you can address the root problem, the better. I’d think about collecting all information on your daughter’s history pre-adoption, maybe even reaching out to relevant people if you think some of the puzzle pieces are still missing, and including a synopsis of her time with you guys as well. That information is essential. You can always stop going to therapy if it isn’t for you, or find another professional who is a better fit for your family.
I’m glad you’re so thoughtful about your daughter and family’s well-being. I hope I don’t seem too dogmatic or dramatic. I’ll also be very honest with you: your daughter has probably been through more than I have, and I never acted out in these ways (as far as I know), but I can say that for many years (and still today) I often struggle to attach to people. So, even I’d probably benefit from some of my suggestions. It’s unfortunately a common theme.
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Thanks for that! I’ll read it again a time or two.
We’re definitely ok with therapy… in our area it won’t be super easy to get therapy unless we put her in public school, where they should have resources. I’ll update you in 6 months or a year on how things are.
I really appreciate you being open about such a difficult subject.
I’m not familiar with the logistics of accessing therapy for a child or family. Sounds like switching from private to public could be a dramatic change. I hope whatever you decide to do works out.
I’ve never addressed issues like this with my parents, so I’m glad you receive the openness well!
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Thanks.
My wife and I are so dramatically different from our parents… it is amazing we turned out so well LOL considering. We approach parenting so intentionally and proactively compared to them. And speak so transparently with our kids, for better or worse.
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I think being upfront with your kids that talking about these things and trying to work through them is okay is a good move. Always being open to that option and their awareness of it, yet not prying, will make a difference. Feeling judged is a good way to shut down communication entirely in my experience (not that I think that applies to your parenting style).
Hopefully not being too invasive, but that would also apply to your daughter’s connection with her heritage. So many adoptive parents neglect it entirely as if taboo, and a smaller fraction force it because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do, when in reality it’s probably for the best to simply put forth the effort to leave options open if the child becomes interested.
I’ve never parented, but I think my younger self would have responded well to that kind of approach.
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OG C1W3D1
3x3 jumps
Deadlift
125x4
155x5
175x3
200x14 PR
SA KB Press 12kgx10,9,9
Belt squat +45x14, +40x14,10
SA BB Row +50x24(PR),11
Today was a big day, knowing I had to pull 200 for reps. I was so anxious – who needs pre-workout when PR sets achieve the same effect? It turned out to be another day where I had to check if I misloaded the bar. I crushed my previous PR of 200x7 from about a year ago; even though I’m wearing a belt now and using mixed grip, I still think the difference is huge
Last December I said
and it seems I’m much closer to that than I thought I would be.
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Nice job!
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Love it!
Congratulations on the PR—that’s some awesome pulling today!
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Had a great session at the track.
2x400m 1:23, 1:24
3x200m :40, :36, :37
400m cooldown
Totally changed my mind about this
because I probably could have done it today if I really tested myself. I think the weather plays a bigger role than I expected, and all the previous running in abysmal heat is paying off.
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What drugs are you on and where can I get them.
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