T Nation

Bad Vibes

Any of you folks have a ‘friend’ with who you just can’t shake the feeling that they’re always trying to spite you?

The obvious answer to this is to just cut off contact but it’s not that simple - we run in the same circle, others have a decent opinion of them (others don’t) and from time to time they can be reasonable.

I’ve tried calling them out on it, but they vehemently deny any malice. They go back to being cordial for a while before subtly fucking me over, usually via a psychological attempt i.e. sowing seeds of doubt, conveniently flaking on deals etc.

I can’t chalk it up to insecurity, because no one else has this effect on me.

Any thoughts?

[quote]Jakon wrote:
Any of you folks have a ‘friend’ with who you just can’t shake the feeling that they’re always trying to spite you?

The obvious answer to this is to just cut off contact but it’s not that simple - we run in the same circle, others have a decent opinion of them (others don’t) and from time to time they can be reasonable.

I’ve tried calling them out on it, but they vehemently deny any malice. They go back to being cordial for a while before subtly fucking me over, usually via a psychological attempt i.e. sowing seeds of doubt, conveniently flaking on deals etc.

I can’t chalk it up to insecurity, because no one else has this effect on me.

Any thoughts?[/quote]
is he insecure? I’ve had “friends” like that and was always extra-nice to them in the hopes that things would improve. I just chalk it up to that person being a shitty human, they spent half their time liking me, half their time hating me, and always try to fuck me over in the end. I would say just put your guard up and treat them as an acquaintance. It’s not like you have anything to lose

Is it when you are with other friends, or just between the two of you? I have known people that are total dicks to someone in a friend group as a way of “climbing up the ladder” so to speak.

It’s hard to describe - I’m trying not to sound paranoid. I do keep my guard up most of the time, but things slip through if I’m not careful.

I’d say he was very insecure, always trying to curry favor. He’ll introduce me to people who are cool guys/have something to offer and then once he’s shown you what they can do he’ll manipulate them against you. It’s almost like he’s always orchestrating something or stirring the pot. What really gets me is most other people can’t see what he’s up to and end up getting fucked over.

[quote]Ripsaw3689 wrote:
Is it when you are with other friends, or just between the two of you? I have known people that are total dicks to someone in a friend group as a way of “climbing up the ladder” so to speak. [/quote]

It’s never anything as obvious as that - he knows if push came to shove I could kick his head in, he has to get at me in ways that are subtle.

I have great stories about a “friend” like this. I’ll type them up later.

I maintain contact with him for comedic value…I mean these friends are the kind that basically disagree with you about everything, on even mndane things (“The sky is blue” you say and he responds “Not at night it isn’t”) so you can fuck with them by saying stuff like “Hitler was an asshole” and he will be compelled no matter what to defend Hitler and then get himself in trouble with pretty much everyone else.

So how or what do these friends do for, with, or to each other that makes any of the stuff being complained about important?

Like, what are these deals that this guy conveniently blows?

[quote]Nards wrote:
I have great stories about a “friend” like this. I’ll type them up later.

I maintain contact with him for comedic value…I mean these friends are the kind that basically disagree with you about everything, on even mndane things (“The sky is blue” you say and he responds “Not at night it isn’t”) so you can fuck with them by saying stuff like “Hitler was an asshole” and he will be compelled no matter what to defend Hitler and then get himself in trouble with pretty much everyone else.[/quote]

Haha will need to try the Hitler one

No. I don’t have any friends.

Yeah I’ve had friends like this.

Basically once I figured out they were two faced cunts, I either called them out on it or cut off contact. Either way there is no “pleasant” solution.

Situations like you are describing is probably stemming from insecurity - but on your part. A post above mentioned “climbing the ladder” so to speak and thats exactly what I think it is. He’s trying to put you down to prop himself up and those people are the fucking worst because its passive aggressive behavior which is cowardly.

Read the book “The Sociopath Next Door”

PIIHP

[quote]rds63799 wrote:
PIIHP[/quote]

Best post.

[quote]Ripsaw3689 wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:
PIIHP[/quote]

Best post.[/quote]

I had to google it to see what it meant. bwwhhhaaaaaaaa!!!

Ive had a few ‘friends’ like that. I can be pretty abrasive so i would usally make public controntations about it. Didnt really make things better. Just ignore him and be better at life knowing your good fortune will make them hurt.

they’re toxic best to drop them in the end you’ll be better off. I’ve dealt with enough insecure jealous “friends” it’s just better for all parties to avoid them

[quote]Jakon wrote:
Any of you folks have a ‘friend’ with who you just can’t shake the feeling that they’re always trying to spite you?

The obvious answer to this is to just cut off contact but it’s not that simple - we run in the same circle, others have a decent opinion of them (others don’t) and from time to time they can be reasonable.

I’ve tried calling them out on it, but they vehemently deny any malice. They go back to being cordial for a while before subtly fucking me over, usually via a psychological attempt i.e. sowing seeds of doubt, conveniently flaking on deals etc.

I can’t chalk it up to insecurity, because no one else has this effect on me.

Any thoughts?[/quote]

Lots of people are like this. My stepdad and sister are like this, and I’ve known plenty of people like this especially at places I worked. All I have to add is its not a stable situation, so just grit your teeth through it. They will either escalate to the point where they screw you over more drastically and then its easy to call out, or their attempts will become more subtle, but also more pitiful, ineffectual, and laughable

[quote]Nards wrote:
I have great stories about a “friend” like this. I’ll type them up later.

I maintain contact with him for comedic value…I mean these friends are the kind that basically disagree with you about everything, on even mndane things (“The sky is blue” you say and he responds “Not at night it isn’t”) so you can fuck with them by saying stuff like “Hitler was an asshole” and he will be compelled no matter what to defend Hitler and then get himself in trouble with pretty much everyone else.[/quote]

Did this conversation really happen? I mean, you actually got a guy to defend Hitler?

[quote]IFlashBack wrote:

[quote]Nards wrote:
I have great stories about a “friend” like this. I’ll type them up later.

I maintain contact with him for comedic value…I mean these friends are the kind that basically disagree with you about everything, on even mndane things (“The sky is blue” you say and he responds “Not at night it isn’t”) so you can fuck with them by saying stuff like “Hitler was an asshole” and he will be compelled no matter what to defend Hitler and then get himself in trouble with pretty much everyone else.[/quote]

Did this conversation really happen? I mean, you actually got a guy to defend Hitler? [/quote]

I mean…he was a great leader right?

[quote]Rico Suave wrote:

[quote]IFlashBack wrote:

[quote]Nards wrote:
I have great stories about a “friend” like this. I’ll type them up later.

I maintain contact with him for comedic value…I mean these friends are the kind that basically disagree with you about everything, on even mndane things (“The sky is blue” you say and he responds “Not at night it isn’t”) so you can fuck with them by saying stuff like “Hitler was an asshole” and he will be compelled no matter what to defend Hitler and then get himself in trouble with pretty much everyone else.[/quote]

Did this conversation really happen? I mean, you actually got a guy to defend Hitler? [/quote]

I mean…he was a great leader right?[/quote]

His paintings were actually pretty good. No Van Gogh, but pretty good…for a Hitler type guy, that is.