I don’t think so. I have a bit of a problem, and I really enjoy hitting and being hit. It doesn’t seem like a sustainable hobby when treated that way. Like when I spar with bigger and/or better opponents and they land something solid, I stare right into their eyes and smile. I love that feeling of overcoming something so definable and tangible. Basically any competitive advantage I have ever had in terms of athletics has come from will rather than ability, consistency, or talent.
I worry about being too stupid and stubborn to save my brain from being turned to mush. Or, maybe it’s some ego preserving tactic to never have to test myself fully. I feel like toeing the water and testing things out a bit is the only way to find out.
I’m young, and I still don’t fully know what I want in life. I have a basic scaffolding and plans to achieve it, but hesitancy is still quite present. I’m exploring martial arts and combat sport as a hobby because I always wanted to do it as a child. I am enjoying just about every second of it.
After a few life changing and paradigm shifting encounters and experiences over the last 5 years or so, I’m trying to be much more open to possibilities and variances in life. I seem to thrive on schedule and patterns, but I feel that I need to test said patterns to see if they’re truly optimal.
After a couple years of training, I may consider a fight or competition. Whether that’s mma, kickboxing, grappling, I’m not sure. I want to respect the disciplines enough to have a basic understanding of technique before doing much more than train.
Even sparring above 20% is almost a spiritual experience for me. Elation, focus, primal feelings, it feels incredible. I can hardly imagine what pre fight and in fight emotions are like. I’ve been in scuffles before, but was neither prepared nor training for it specifically. That high degree of focus on a singular goal of conquering an opponent surely adds a whole new level of experience to it all.