Matthew Levy’s post got me thinking about this and gave me grave concerns.
A while back I was with a girl I had been involved with for a few months. We were at my place one night, lying on the bed and into some heavy petting and dry humping (both of us being fully clothed). I didn’t realize it at the time but she wanted to stop. She implied as much in a small voice but making no move to leave. The reason I didn’t stop right then (only slowed down) was because I had specifically asked her, at a previous date, if she ever “played the game” of saying no and meaning yes. Her response was, “Sometimes I might need a little convincing.” So when this normally opinionated and aggressive girl was acting fairly docile I thought she was “playing the game”. At this point I slowed down but didn’t altogether stop as I was playing the “convincing” role.
In retrospect I realize that you’ve got to act on whatever is said or implied and forget the mood, just stop. I see,though,how she (who now hates me for other reasons) could say that I tried to rape her.
So here’s the question. How can you be sure beforehand that you don’t end up in that situation? Asking her directly didn’t seem to work very well, and I sure as hell don’t want some girl thinking that I am going to hurt her in ANY way.
I cannot believe anyone has to ask this. If there is absolutely any question, just freakin’ stop. It is that simple. If she wants to continue, she’ll let you know. You should have been following these rules to begin with. It’s about respect. It should not take some media-hyped case in CA to get you to starting behaving properly. **Nothing contained in anything I have written in here is intended to be a legal opinion or legal advice.
I’ve been with girls that do the whole “No, no, we shouldn’t be doing this, uhhhnn uhnnn oh gawd” thing. Sometimes it gets hairy. I know a woman that likes it if her boyfriend gets so overcome by passion that he takes her despite her protestations. As long as she’s in the mood. The only way I know to get around this kind of thing is to say, in a low and husky voice, almost a whisper, “really no?” while biting her neck. If she says “really no,” then stop immediately.
“Her response was, “Sometimes I might need a little convincing.”” HEELLOOOO!!! McFly!! This is your cue to get the hell out of there. If you are so concerned about this little bitch changing her mind midstroke, get the fuck out! How hard is that? Have some dignity and refuse to be played like a fiddle.
It seems to me that if you guys didn’t allow girls to pull their stupid shit about “no” meaning “yes” (unless it was very clearly discussed ahead of time and was a role play type of scenario) then sooner or later the damn chicks would get the idea that they can’t do this anymore. Guys are so desparate to get laid, they’ll jump through hoops of fire and give the girl the impression that she makes all the rules. Baaad idea.