Regardless of which of these tactics you decide to take, expect some fallout. Unless you just let it go, then be prepared to watch her continue to gain. Not to be totally passive-aggressive, but if you know of a pair of jeans/shorts/skirt that she used to fit into that she probably doesn’t now, try and talk her into wearing it for a date. When she doesn’t want to wear it because it’s too tight, act surprised and try to help her figure out why it doesn’t fit - hopefully that will morph into a conversation about how to fix it, or at least allow the two of you to address the elephant in the room (no pun intended).
I would draw attention to her new curves by being silly and playful about it. Something along the lines of ‘‘come here my beautiful fat love’’, play with the fat rolls or whatever.
She’ll start losing weight if you break up with her.
Try checking your own diet when you’re around her. Possibly hanging out with you and eating what you do is the problem. A year into my relationship with Hockey I’d gained ten pounds and he’d lost it due to the differences in our diets. He was eating more lean protein, veggies, and steamed rice and I was eating appetizers and desserts at restaurants. Last night I split a chocolate volcano thing he brought home from the grocery store. Mostly he doesn’t bring that stuff home because I’ve pushed so hard for him to stop, but he still sometimes does it.
I’ve gotten half of my ten pounds back off, he’s still ten down and at his lowest weight in years.
Have pictures of you and her taken together (that is if you can stand the embarrassment of being seen with such a fat whale of a person) and post them on your social media accounts. She’ll see herself and either 1. Not give a shit how fat she looks or 2. Decide to take action. Or 3. Complain about how fat she looks then eat a pint of Ben n Jerry’s to make herself feel better.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
I would like to tell her but i’m afraid her feelings would get hurt.
What do you guys think?[/quote]
You think you’re trying to spare her feelings, but you’re not. Instead, you’re trying to spare yourself the fallout of her hurt feelings.
Be honest and tell her you’re not as attracted to her as you’d like to be and her recent weight gain is the reason.
She’s your girlfriend, not your wife. You’re under no obligation to stay with her if you’re no longer attracted to her.
[/quote]
This is dead on. Last year I kinda went off the rails for a while due to some personal things going on. I started putting on weight but was hoping that my bf either didn’t notice or didn’t mind the slight increase.
He waited for things to die down in my life and then straight up told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone he didn’t find sexually attractive.
Needless to say, I cried that night. But, I got back in the gym on Monday and lost all of the weight in a couple of months.
It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to hear. He let me know that he had expectations and I was free to meet them or start looking for a new guy. It sounds harsh, but it is a ton better than him slowly resenting me while our sex life dwindled and we eventually broke up because we had started to hate each other.
If you don’t ask for something you want in the relationship, you can’t be pissed when you don’t get it. And if the other person doesn’t want to do something that is important to you, then you should probably rethink your relationship. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is only 80% of what you want.
[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
You could start grocery shopping and cooking.
Your workouts will suffer if you try partner up with her now. Do your own stuff, then do “extra” sessions with her. Just like beginner dudes want arms and pecs, beginner girls want to work their glutes, legs and abs. Get her hooked with lunges and step ups and stiff legged/Romanian deadlifts. [/quote]
This^^
Mostly the beginning. If she’s not into working out, its not going to happen. But if you take over the duty of grocery shopping and cooking you can atleast help her eat right and that by itself can do wonders for helping her figure without her realizing what your trying to accomplish. This is the sensible option, just be ready to say something like “I just think I need to be eating healthier” or something similar if she starts to think something is suspicious.
Or theres always option 2.
Tell her things like “Your sister would never eat that” or " We’re going to spend alot of money this year replacing jeans if you keep this up" or the classic " Are you sure you have enough time to graze in the field this afternoon".
Chicks love rude sarcasm and honesty, trust me i’ve been in a committed relationship for 6 days now.
I would also like to cosign with Dr. Pangloss.
This kind of thing really backs guys into a corner because of social norms that quite frankly are bullshit in my opinion. I don’t feel it’s healthy to hold back and hope it blows over. You have to look out for your own happiness before anyone else does because it’s your life. I also don’t feel it’s healthy to try to manipulate her and “suggest” or “urge” her into what you want. If you’re truly partners, then you should both be able to be open and honest with each other, especially over something that is putting a damper on the relationship for one or both of you.
I think your best bet is to be straight up, but in a nice, supportive way. Ideally she will agree and reveal some sort of root to her problem or at least be willing to have you involved on steering her back down the right path in some capacity. Even if it’s just moral support. It could really turn around your relationship and make it stronger than it was before. Worst case scenario, you’re free again to find something better (some would argue that that is an ideal situation, so you could easily look at this is a win win situation if you have a certain perspective, how’s that for glass-half full, huh?)
Really when you think about it, this issue could be a good way to gauge how the 2 of you as a couple handle issues down the road and could be a real sign as to whether or not you truly want to be with her. In other words, something like this is good and SHOULD happen in some way, shape, or form.
A relationship being all peaches and cream the whole time can be really misleading. To a certain extent, drama is good and even necessary. It helps the 2 of you figure out how the other will react and how you’ll both react as a couple. If it wasn’t her gaining weight, it would have been something else sooner or later. This kind of stuff helps you figure out whether this is truly a good investment for you.
[quote]jasmincar wrote:
‘‘come here my beautiful fat love’’, play with the fat rolls or whatever.[/quote]
[quote]kb4391 wrote:
" We’re going to spend alot of money this year replacing jeans if you keep this up" or the classic " Are you sure you have enough time to graze in the field this afternoon".
Chicks love rude sarcasm and honesty, trust me i’ve been in a committed relationship for 6 days now. [/quote]
you guys are hilarious
Either embrace it, warmth in the winter and shade in the summer, or tactfully have a conversation about it. If that can’t be discussed then not much future for the relationship.
Good luck
The biggest question: how fat is she?
I spoke to her today. I decided to indirectly talk to her about it. I asked her lets play the truth game. We both have to tell each other our insecurities. Not surprisingly she said her weight is one of her biggest insecurities. I obviously said, " I think you look perfectly fine." She then denied it and I went on to ask her if she’d like a workout plan. She said that would be nice but I doubt she’ll follow thru with it. btw for the ones asking she’s not a whale (just yet). She’s about 5’6 135lbs. I think her ideal weight is 120lbs.
[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
I spoke to her today. I decided to indirectly talk to her about it. I asked her lets play the truth game. We both have to tell each other our insecurities. Not surprisingly she said her weight is one of her biggest insecurities. I obviously said, " I think you look perfectly fine." [/quote]
Fuck, you’re a colossal pussy. You’re worse than an 13 year old girl.
Why don’t you just make her a goddamn cootie catcher?
[quote]Aero51 wrote:
The biggest question: how fat is she?[/quote]
OP’s girlfriend.
Get a thin mistress, and get caught in bed together. It’s the only passive approach that’s gonna get the job done. Otherwise, tell her she’s fat, and you don’t like it.
Also, have you tried hitting her, and make sure to put it in her pooper.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
I spoke to her today. I decided to indirectly talk to her about it. I asked her lets play the truth game. We both have to tell each other our insecurities. Not surprisingly she said her weight is one of her biggest insecurities. I obviously said, " I think you look perfectly fine." [/quote]
Fuck, you’re a colossal pussy. You’re worse than an 13 year old girl.
Why don’t you just make her a goddamn cootie catcher?
[/quote]
When faced with fear and doubt, ask yourself:
What would Al Bundy do?
[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
Also, have you tried hitting her, and make sure to put it in her pooper.[/quote]
Simultaneously.
[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
I spoke to her today. I decided to indirectly talk to her about it. I asked her lets play the truth game. We both have to tell each other our insecurities. Not surprisingly she said her weight is one of her biggest insecurities. I obviously said, " I think you look perfectly fine." She then denied it and I went on to ask her if she’d like a workout plan. She said that would be nice but I doubt she’ll follow thru with it. btw for the ones asking she’s not a whale (just yet). She’s about 5’6 135lbs. I think her ideal weight is 120lbs. [/quote]
The ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ dichotomy gets a fun amount of flack on this board, but we do have a straightfwd example right here:
beta: acquiescent/supportive to a fault; asking questions
alpha: this isn’t the same person I fell for, get with the program; declarative statements
[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
It’s the only passive approach that’s gonna get the job done. [/quote]
Heh, well said.