Article on Sex and Bonding

[quote]RampantBadger wrote:
Haha. Wife’s response to keeping a written record and drawing a chart of when they had sex… ‘his memory is highly subjective’[/quote]

I thought that was funny too.

No one knows the future, But I defy anyone to suggest a better ‘Crystal Ball’ in determining what a Lady will
be like in the future than to see what her Mother is like first.
Of course if you’re Married you’re too late for that…lol.

Wow, a story about a couple of virgins who couldn’t do the deed before they got married…and they ended up having sexual issues…and then they fixed them.

Just absolutely groundbreaking work here!

Okay everyone, you can all go home now, we have solved all relationship and gender issues.

What is this CNN? Shame on you WSJ.

I am only 21 so this article doesn’t mean much to me but I felt like for most of it near the beginning the author was attacking the male by saying he needed the sex to feel good about himself and whatever. Rarely said anything about the female. That is just me though.

have u guys been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

now is the time when men get shamed for being men and women get praised for being bad people

then they get a bunch of women with “doctorates” in clown subjects like psychology and sociology to analyze the poor men who are beat down by our ridiculously assbackwards society

“now is the time when men get shamed for being men and women get praised for being bad people.”

Welllll, that’s almost accurate, that’s been goin’ on and ‘accepted’ by most men for the last 40 years or so.
They’ve been incrementally emasculating men in American Culture/Movies for awhile now.
A great psychology lesson to get into Women’s crazy heads is just to watch “Cheaters” on occasion…It’s fascinating
most times when the GIRL is caught cheating, she almost always blames the boyfriend for having her followed and exposing
her dirty deeds, I love how they try to turn that shit around.

Guys that get caught cheating just get that Deer in the headlights look and talk shit too, but the GIRLS
turn the story around and blame the Man almost all the time.

[quote]mgbyrnc wrote:
have u guys been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

now is the time when men get shamed for being men and women get praised for being bad people

then they get a bunch of women with “doctorates” in clown subjects like psychology and sociology to analyze the poor men who are beat down by our ridiculously assbackwards society[/quote]

LMAO

No i haven’t noticed it because I’m not a whiny little bitch who blames his problems on other people. Rationalize it however you like - the fact is society is still dominated by men.

Really unless you’re one of those whiny cunts who spend all their time on “red pill” manosphere blogs, you’d clearly see how advantageous society right now, is to you as a man. Especially if you’re a man who wants to sleep around a lot.

Let me guess, you got manipulated and burnt by a woman once, so now all women are evil and society is just a bunch of sheeples and you’re the only one who can see through the matrix for what it is. Fucking please.

Inb4 you start regurgitating tired “examples” of how society beats down men, most of which are, guess what? Perpetuated by traditional masculine ideals…

The one thing that stands out to me not just in this article but in everyday life is peoples incorrect perception of other peoples actions towards them. We all have a tendency to react to someone elses behaviors as if they are directly aimed at us. Most people are not sociopaths, they do not go out of there to hurt others peoples feelings for the sake of doing it. They unknowingly do it.

They do things out of their own insecurities, they do not know how to communicate they are feeling so they act out like a child. The next time you are upset with someone stop for a second and think about why they might be doing the thing that is upsetting you and let that guide your response to them. We all spend entirely to much time thinking about ourselves and not enough thinking about the people around us. You get more if you give more.

[quote]on edge wrote:
…people can simply choose to love. In any relationship there will be hard times and feelings will wane. Some people LET the pitfalls of life be a wedge in their relationships and they grow apart until they have no love. Other people CHOOSE to love anyway and those pitfalls simply amount to little bumps in the road.

It’s far less about compatibility than it is attitude.[/quote]

Wisdom!

[quote]Aussie Davo wrote:

[quote]mgbyrnc wrote:
have u guys been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

now is the time when men get shamed for being men and women get praised for being bad people

then they get a bunch of women with “doctorates” in clown subjects like psychology and sociology to analyze the poor men who are beat down by our ridiculously assbackwards society[/quote]

LMAO

No i haven’t noticed it because I’m not a whiny little bitch who blames his problems on other people. Rationalize it however you like - the fact is society is still dominated by men.

Really unless you’re one of those whiny cunts who spend all their time on “red pill” manosphere blogs, you’d clearly see how advantageous society right now, is to you as a man. Especially if you’re a man who wants to sleep around a lot.

Let me guess, you got manipulated and burnt by a woman once, so now all women are evil and society is just a bunch of sheeples and you’re the only one who can see through the matrix for what it is. Fucking please.

Inb4 you start regurgitating tired “examples” of how society beats down men, most of which are, guess what? Perpetuated by traditional masculine ideals…
[/quote]

Beat me to it…thanks for taking out the garbage.

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
The one thing that stands out to me not just in this article but in everyday life is peoples incorrect perception of other peoples actions towards them. We all have a tendency to react to someone elses behaviors as if they are directly aimed at us. Most people are not sociopaths, they do not go out of there to hurt others peoples feelings for the sake of doing it. They unknowingly do it.

They do things out of their own insecurities, they do not know how to communicate they are feeling so they act out like a child. The next time you are upset with someone stop for a second and think about why they might be doing the thing that is upsetting you and let that guide your response to them. We all spend entirely to much time thinking about ourselves and not enough thinking about the people around us. You get more if you give more.[/quote]

This is a good post, and I would venture to guess it is this type of thing, and the resentment that follows that breaks up many a’ relationship.

[quote]BlueCollarTr8n wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:
…people can simply choose to love. In any relationship there will be hard times and feelings will wane. Some people LET the pitfalls of life be a wedge in their relationships and they grow apart until they have no love. Other people CHOOSE to love anyway and those pitfalls simply amount to little bumps in the road.

It’s far less about compatibility than it is attitude.[/quote]

Wisdom![/quote]

So true. There is always a choice. For example, the article mentioned that she had a miscarriage. Bump in the road, but she seemed to attribute some of her low desire to that experience where it became a wedge, at least in her mind. I kept thinking how different that would have been for them as a couple if there were more open communication, and a willingness to seek out intimacy as a comfort.

As in we are feeling bad so we need to bond together even more and comfort each other. I assume she was focused on sex as a physical need, as in it can be explained away with a simple “he’s a horn dog”, instead of seeing all the layers in terms of pair bonding, emotional intimacy, communication, etc…


@ Push - Thanks for mentioning the video link. I didn’t notice the clip until you mentioned it. Yeah, that was excellent. It points out how difficult it is for some people to have some really open and honest communication. She talked about how reading the book “opened her eyes” and helped her get over some of her discomfort, and also question her own perceptions about herself as a “low desire partner.” She had sort of defined what sex was, and who she was, fortunately she stopped to rethink that before it wrecked her marriage. The psychologist in me loves a good life changing epiphany. :slight_smile:


@ JCMPG - Excellent, and I think that is what Lucertola was getting at when he talked about how people are usually not that introspective. We often don’t stop to try to figure out what our own motivations are, much less what other people need.


Outing him here - Lucertola is my handsome husband being supportive of my thread. :slight_smile:

I was expecting some of you to be offended at the analogy of lack of physical intimacy being like a little boy standing in his crib waiting to be picked up. I thought that might offend some people, but I think it’s something a lot of women would instantly GET. Most women wouldn’t think of depriving their child of that emotional bond, so it’s a pretty powerful image, at least for me as a mom of three.

Here’s that part from the article -

"…No wonder they miss sex when it disappears. It’s a way for them to be aggressive and manly but also tender and vulnerable. “For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy,” says Justin Lehmiller, a Harvard University social psychologist who studies sexuality. Taking away sex “takes away their primary emotional outlet.”

It is overly simple to assume male sexuality is primarily biological and that men are constantly looking for a physical outlet, says Esther Perel, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City and author of “Mating in Captivity.” Men, much more than women, relate to a partner through sex, she says, as evidenced by their fear of rejection, concerns about performance and desire to please. “When a man gets depressed because he’s not being touched, it’s just like the little boy who stands in his crib and cries to be picked up,” she says. “He is experiencing emotional deprivation.”

When a man gets depressed because he’s not being touched, it’s just like the little boy who stands in his crib and cries to be picked up," she says. “He is experiencing emotional deprivation.”

I guess read it more as in a child, which we can all act like when we dont get what we want.

Orion is married to Lucertola?

I’m so confused…

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I was expecting some of you to be offended at the analogy of lack of physical intimacy being like a little boy standing in his crib waiting to be picked up. I thought that might offend some people, but I think it’s something a lot of women would instantly GET. Most women wouldn’t think of depriving their child of that emotional bond, so it’s a pretty powerful image, at least for me as a mom of three.
[/quote]

I did have a moment of initial anger at the analogy ("did she just call me a baby?!?!?!). I brushed it off as just a bad analogy; I didn’t really look at it the way you did but now I can see that it may have really connected with the female readers even if putting off the male ones.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I was expecting some of you to be offended at the analogy of lack of physical intimacy being like a little boy standing in his crib waiting to be picked up. I thought that might offend some people, but I think it’s something a lot of women would instantly GET. Most women wouldn’t think of depriving their child of that emotional bond, so it’s a pretty powerful image, at least for me as a mom of three.

[/quote]

Eh, most fathers should get that analogy and not be pissy about it. I actually laughted to myself when I read it because I was thinking “I know the times my daughter is just complaining she isn’t getting her way, and the times she is honestly upset and needs a hug. I’m not sure I want my wife looking at me like that when it comes to sexytime.”

In other news, your hair is perfectly straight in the back…

[quote]JCMPG wrote:
The one thing that stands out to me not just in this article but in everyday life is peoples incorrect perception of other peoples actions towards them. We all have a tendency to react to someone elses behaviors as if they are directly aimed at us. Most people are not sociopaths, they do not go out of there to hurt others peoples feelings for the sake of doing it. They unknowingly do it.

They do things out of their own insecurities, they do not know how to communicate they are feeling so they act out like a child. The next time you are upset with someone stop for a second and think about why they might be doing the thing that is upsetting you and let that guide your response to them. We all spend entirely to much time thinking about ourselves and not enough thinking about the people around us. You get more if you give more.[/quote]

The problem with sociopaths, is that they don’t know they are sociopaths.

These people have a reset button to where they feel like they never did anything wrong, and a pathological resistance to admitting they have faults to begin with.

I agree that people may have problems expressing themselves and falling prey to their insecurities, but if they never have a “light bulb moment” and figure it out, it’s time to go.

Keep in mind, that people rarely change, and that is even if they are trying to change. Especially when we get older, we become more set in our ways. If people are really FUBAR by their mid 30’s, GTFO with a quickness.