T Nation

Arizona State... GO DEVILS

Someone once asked my “What is your affinity for Arizona State”? My UN-EDITED response:

Internalization is a big word for a guy with Keith Richards as his #1 friend. Be that as it may, I will humor you. My internalization with Arizona State University has many roots; let me sumarize:

#1. Since I was a young whipper-snapper, I have claimed Arizona as my home. Many reasons for this claim need not be justified here, but the few points which ARE relevant: my father has lived there since I can remember… when you grow up in Minnesota, the mere facade of affiliation with a place that does not see temperatures in the -30 range implies a chic coolness. Last point being, I have had quite an affection for the southwest states, namely Arizona, for as long as I can remember. Just feels like home to me.

#2. My junior year in high-school, my swimming coach told me perhaps I should look into applying for a swimming scholarship, as my times were fairly respectable for a 17 year old asshole-in-training. Unlike most of my team-mates, who were interested in local Minnesota schools such as The U (university of Minnesota), Concordia, St. Scholastica, Gustavas Adolphus, or Moorhead State (even the College made famous in “The Golden Girls” St. Olaf). I had no desire to remain anywhere north of the Mason Dixon line. However, my grades held the same opinion.

Long story short, ASU (and some other schools I applied for) stated my swimming times were fine for atleast a partial ride, however my academics bordered on expulsion from the contigious 48. ASU was the school that showed the most interest in my budding swimming potential. We see now how that turned out.

#3. Everyone needs a college team. I hate bandwagoners. Being from Minnesota, Michigan, Ohio State, even Universities of Iowa and Wisconsin were all viable options for me to claim as my own. I failed to mention that I loathe the BIG-10 conference about as much as getting caught fucking an ugly girl. NO WAY. I had no real affiliations with the east coast so those teams were out. Later I was to marry a Virginia Tech Alumnus, elevating me to the status of SPOKIE (spouse of a Hokie), so I came by VT honestly. Arizona was the only place I felt connected to enough to support a major organization.

Can you say HELL HOGS? As I mentioned earlier, I loather bandwagoners, and ASU is not a ‘cool college’ when it comes to D-1 athletics. I could have been like every other fuckstick I know and pick some faggoty team like the Trojans or the Buckeyes who have been in the top 10 for the last few decades. I never have abided by the " I will cheer for whoever looks good this season" attitude. Im certain this isnt tough to buy into, as we know being a supporter of the Minnesota Vikings isnt a very fruitful undertaking.

But I proudly wear my horns and blonde pig-tails, all the while subjecting myself to endless ridicule.

#4. The real clincher: my father often receives season tickets through business associates. My dad cant tell college football from his left clavicle. He knew his son had love for college football at the age of 4, always took the opprotunity to bring me to a Devils game when I was in town. He did it for the Arizona Cardinals as well, but it never stuck (Go figure). I was well versed with Frank Kush Field at Sun Devil Stadium in the heart of Tempe, AZ from early on.

#5. Later on, after I joined the Navy and was subsequently stationed in San Diego, would visit Arizona close to every weekend, granted the whoremaster ship we were assigned to saw a US pier. Moving into a different stage in my life, where alcohol consumption and fornication were my #1 and #2 goals, not exactly in that order, I began running around in Tempe when my father was asleep, golfing or the like.

I met many ASU students in my travels. This paved the way for me being invited to a few parties on/off campus, mostly attending students and alumni. If you know much about campus life, you almost certainly have heard of ASU… Largest student body for a public or private school in the nation. Also noted for the high percentage of hot ass ladies who attend. What I am getting at here: ASU has perfect climate (at least in the eyes of a hillbilly from MN), the campus is beautiful, and even guys like Greg Anderson could get pussy there. (Not Cabral, though… he would have to go to U of A for that).

I hope I have spelled out to your satisfaction why I belive Arizona State University and their Athletic program is the nipple on Deborah Messing’s Tit.

Happy trails. Go DEVILS!

i’m not into football at all, but when I used to live in Mesa, I would go over to ASU periodically to catch some of the wrestling matches. don’t know how they’re doing lately, but ASU usually has some good wrestling teams. One time I saw them up against Iowa.

they got their asses handed to them on that one, but it was cool, the Brands Bros. were there coaching, and Gable was off to the side in the lower bleachers, crutches and all, catching the action.