That questionnaire is tricky. I could easily have multiple characteristics on just about all of them.
Making only one selection per resulted in-
King 37%
Lover 31%
Warrior 18%
Magician 12%
Some kind of weighing from least likely to most likely from 1-4 would probably give a more accurate distribution.
Ya, it is a bit odd. I think you can select multiple answers, but I don’t know how the scoring works (half a point for 2 choices maybe…?).
Re: the book and assessment results you mentioned. The categories are based on a theory. It might be helpful to you. It might appeal to you, or make sense to you. But it’s still just a theory. It’s not necessarily the facts, or the way things really are, or the ONLY way to look at your character traits.
Re: Male mentors and the loss of your dad when you were young. I’m sorry that happened to you, but it’s never too late to look for role models, mentors, people who you can learn from. None of us have perfect parents. I want to emulate some of my mom’s character traits, but not ALL of them. I’ve learned things, seen character traits in other people that I really admire and want to develop. This is a lifelong process. Look for people who have the traits you admire. Regardless of their age, develop relationships with quality people you can look up to and learn from. This is not being “fake” or “trying to be someone you’re not.” It’s being humble enough to realize that you can improve and being smart enough to find people who can help you, who you can learn from. It may be different people for different areas of your life. That’s all good.
We’d all like to think that we have our own internal compass for success. That we are intrinsically motivated, and aren’t being swayed by what other people are doing. We’re not entirely capable of doing that, but in many ways it’s a great goal. It’s something to strive for.
BUT it’s not a negative thing to really care about…
what your 3 best friends think of you…
what your business partner thinks of you…
what your coach or mentor thinks of you…
what your future significant other thinks about you…
what your future children will think of you…
I’m talking about the people who really matter in your life, who’s opinions you value. And not about hollow or superficial crap like material things or appearances. The stuff that matters. You’d want those people to say. That guy has integrity. He’s a good person. He will make sacrifices for what’s important. His word means something. I have respect for him. He’s a good guy. That kind of thing. If the people who you really care about would say those things, then that’s a life well lived.
4.The only way we learn some of these character traits is through our connections to other people. It’s been said, but you’re a young unattached student now. Most of us only really develop some balance because we’re force to do it, have the blessings and responsibilities that come with work, family, kids, maintaining a few meaningful friendships. I’m sure a lot of men here would say that learning to put a wife and kids first has MADE them a better man. And you see people who fail at those things because they don’t have balance, or are too self-centered. Give too much time to only one aspect of the - physical, intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual spectrum. Even with your lifting, you have to balance that with school or you’d fail. Hopefully your life becomes richer as you add more things that give it meaning, and that often comes from maintaining connections with other people.
Have you ever considered joining the military?
Benanything,
Just out of curiosity, you were primarily raised by your mom, at least in your late childhood/ teen years? Are you an only child?
BTW, I took the 16 question quiz just to look and see what it’s about. I wouldn’t put a lot of importance on this kind of thing and I’m obviously female so…
FWIW, 50% Lover, 25% Warrior, 12% Magician, 12% King. I’d imagine that means I put a high value on connectedness with people, care giving kinds of roles, empathy, the warm/ soft people skills. At least that interpretation makes sense to me.
Well damn, I get my butt on a plane for a day or so and all the replies come flying in. Now that I’ve read quite a bit of it, I think I’ll just give individual replies since y’all are generally very detailed, which I really appreciate by the way.
It very much appears so, not gonna argue with you on that.
Well, I would say that there comes a point where by one kinda figures out they’re the problem. I’d like to think I would be intelligent enough to seek help, kinda like what I’m doing right now, I would say.[quote=“anon50325502, post:14, topic:221249”]
Why? Honestly, why is this your value system? Is a veteran sitting in a wheelchair useful to you? Are they useful to anyone? Do they not have worth?
Same goes for power, what if I cheated my way to the top stabbing everyone in the back and burning every possible bridge to get there. Is that worthy of respect?
[/quote]
Well, honestly, I’ve no idea. This is just a thought I’ve had in my head as far back as I can remember As for the veteran in the wheelchair, keep in mind that I’m not American and to most Singaporeans, the thought of it would be very extract. That being said, no. He deserves every ounce of my respect for he was out there fighting for my (hypothetical) country. Someone who is willing to put his life on the line for something he believes in, deserves at least some form of acknowledgement. Regarding the back stabbing getting to the top. I’d say it’s worthy to take note but whether or not I decide it’s right would depend on my morality and the situation at hand.
I was thinking along the lines of worth = potential and what they’ve already accomplished.
I’d say ignorance and lack of concern/thoughts for the less fortunate. It’s really hard to be sympathetic when they’re generally talking about “me me me and my first world problems” when you’re literally better off than 99% of the population, you’ve a roof over your head and warm food to eat. Now that I’m typing this out, I do realize how contradictory I am.
I didn’t mean people failing. That’s normal. I mean’t people being unreliable, at least, the people I’ve met. Hell, even family means nothing. Or maybe I was unfortunate enough to be in a shitty enough situation where my mom was sued by my relatives over money (which was being used for dad’s treatment). If I can’t even trust my own kin, why should I place more faith in regular people?
Well, here I am, sounding contradictory again. I know I’m not special. I could die tomorrow and no one would give a shit. [quote=“anon50325502, post:14, topic:221249”]
You’re young and everyone thinks they’re the shit at 19. I did. Most people do.
My advice (since you asked) you need to think about and understand how truly insignificant you are.
You know very little about life. You are not an expert on anything. You are not the strongest or smartest guy in the room (if you are then you’re in the wrong room).
If you can get over the above (if you truly grasp the above it will be a huge hit to your ego and thus your self-worth) you can begin to truly grow as a person.
Everyone can teach you something if you’re open to it.
[/quote]
Advice read and taken in. Will look into getting the book too.[quote=“anon50325502, post:24, topic:221249”]
Have you ever considered joining the military?
[/quote]
Well, in Singapore, every male has to serve 2 years of compulsory military service. That being said, I am seriously considering signing on as a regular.
Well, I just had to. I recall reading about you being somewhat of a trainwreck (no offense) in your youth and I figured since you made it (you own chickens), your input would be really helpful.
Read everything else you wrote, will keep that in mind and reflect.
@anon71262119 read everything you wrote and I’ll keep it in mind,
Yes, I’m an only child and I was pretty much raised by just my mom from the age of 11 onwards. So it was mom looking after me/dad while I did what I could to help out. Man, changing diapers ain’t fun, more so when it’s your old man.
That sounds about right.
As for everyone else, I’m pretty sure I’ve replied and I really appreciate the advice given. Well, hopefully, I’ll do more than just appreciate the advice and actually use them.
You could try volunteering a day or two a week.
Ha, ya, I get it. People complaining about 1st world problems are annoying. It’s all about perspective, though.
The next time a natural disaster occurs watch what the local population does. Strangers will band together to help each other out. There will always be people willing to sacrifice to help others.
People can be unreliable. I’m no denying that, but people can also be very reliable. The trick is to find people you can place your trust in, which is easier said than done.
It’s a shame your family fought over money and their situations isn’t abnormal, but it is just one end of the spectrum.
It’s not that people don’t care that you’re here. What I really meant was that, in the grand scheme of things, you likely don’t bring something to the table that someone else doesn’t also bring. Do that make sense?
Analogy:
You’re told to bring a dish to a dinner party. So you make a sweet potato casserole. You show up and 5 other guests bring the same thing. Point being, you didn’t bring anything special to the party. A number of other people brought the exact same thing, but who’s is the best? Who put in the extra effort to make the casserole perfect vs. who hastily threw the ingredients together and hoped for the best.
Understand you’re not the only one that can make a casserole, but work your ass off to make the best damn casserole you can possibly make.
Make sense?
It’s where I was able to find some pretty incredible mentors and guidance.
That’s pretty heartbreaking. And to imagine going through that and having your relatives sue you over family finances/ a family business. Well, it’s hard to imagine. On a positive note, if there is one, you’ve already had to cope with some heavy things and lifting heavy things tends to build strength if you can see it in a positive way.
I suspected you were an only child, although I know that’s culturally very common in much of Asia and the West too really. It’s not ideal in that siblings help you see that you aren’t the center of the universe, and in a healthy family they’ll love you but they’ll also call you on your crap. “People naturally give in to me,” is less likely to happen when you have siblings. Most of your friends are probably in the same boat, particularly if they came from affluence. I see this all the time in my students.
I was going to add, worrying about your character and thinking that you might be an ass is a pretty good indication that your on the right track. Most of us should be more introspective about the selfish stuff we do, or be mindful about what we can do to improve.
In your lifting, you have a tremendous work ethic and a willingness to help people. That’s something that may come easier to you because it’s something you love and are passionate about. Forcing yourself to stretch in some of the other areas of your life is all good. FWIW, my son has found a lot of mentors at church. It’s NOT a good place to find perfect people, but you may find people who are at least trying. To quote Radiohead, “I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” If lifting is a metaphor for life that makes sense to you, it’s all about incrementally challenging yourself to do hard things over time. Those efforts tend to add up to strength. I have a long way to go.
I couldn’t agree more regarding this statement. My mother always said that siblings socialize you; no one else will treat you quite as badly 
@Benanything fwiw, there is something quite liberating about not being special. In my opinion, actual ‘specialness’ implies an obligation to society as a whole. Being average, as most of us are, gives us anonymity and freedom to live our lives.
As for not caring what others think, I wouldn’t take that too far. We all live within a social construct that operates best when everyone acts and speaks with general harmony in mind. It benefits us all as a group, and, therefore, individually. That doesn’t mean you should bury yourself in hive mind group think but does mean that you should do your best to resist the urge to point out others flaws under the guise of helping them. You should resist the urge to be abrasive when you can. Try not to appear superior or smarter. People don’t like that.
It took me years to learn the above and understand operating in harmony.
DO NOT do this unless you are aiming and qualified to be a Commissioned Officer. The militaries in developed nations in Asia/S.E Asia are not like those in Western countries. Lower ranking regulars are far from exemplary characters. Nobody respects the military here. If you decide to make the switch to the private sector after a few years, your work experience will count for nothing. I am telling you this as an ex-army _________ and an employer.
Go and get a higher education, meet more people and broaden your perspectives. If you really want to join and excel in the civil service, you need that piece of paper(very fucking important) AND possess the ability to deal with people diplomatically. You can be an idiot and still excel as long as you possess these two things.
Applies globally. Unfortunate, but there you go.
That’s the key though: being able to deal with people diplomatically. Manage that and everything gets easier.
[quote=“Benanything, post:4, topic:221249, full:true”]
That is true, very much so. That being said, I’m not universally hated. I just find it hard to relate to/empathize with most people, not all people. I would say its 90-10. I’m very much capable of going out of my way to get people to like me but that just comes off as wrong and immoral to me.[/quote]
Back from vacation and read through everything again. Can’t say I’ve much more input to add in other than the fact that I’ve been reading this thread every so often and uh… I think about it.
Has anyone on here found their golden ball?
OP, do you think your father is a TRULY great man?
You indeed are arrogant, judging from your post. And for a nineteen year old, you sure think who the hell you are. However, if I recall correctly I have only had positive interactions with you on this forum and no other post I’ve read would make me think this of you. From other posts I’ve found you lkeable, but from this post, I exclaim the saying, “slow your roll!” and you likely aren’t the whole damn ball of wax you proclaim to be, at least not now!
I respect your ambition and other good qualities though.
I’ll get back to this thread.
