T Nation

Apology to USA frrom Canada

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven’t been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I’m sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn’t nice of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that he’s a moron shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it’s not like you actually elected him.

I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn’t give us the right to sell you lumber that’s cheaper and better than your own.

I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I’m sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you’ve rebuilt it! It’s very nice.

I’m sorry about your beer. I know we have nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

Finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset over this. We’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

Courtesy of Rick Mercer
from “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” CBC Television

yeah but we could kick all your asses!

T-Forum deja vu.

What’s “Canada”?

Not this AGAIN. Lordy, Lordy, eh.

Bangs, “Canada” is more commonly known as “Northern Mexico” Hope that helps.

Pho: you signed up on the T-mag forum 4 days ago just to post this. It’s been done to death and it was’nt all that funny the first time.

As an American I am actually afraid of Canadians. I’ve always felt that generally the Canucks are like the “uncool” kids in high school. The outcasts and the ones that don’t really fit in. This isn’t all bad though. Cananda has produced some great individuals BUT I’m don’t want some Canuck that feels left behind or mad or upset to go and start Columbining the US. I’m truly afraid that one day the shy, socailly awkward Canadians will freak out and start bombing things. This is why I try to be nice to Canadians, especially ones I see wearing trench coats and playing Doom.

when i was younger my parents sent my and my brother to hockey camp in canada every august and it was hell. the people i met were dicks (my goalie coach was nicknamed elk fucker ed) and the places we went sucked and just made me miss the good ol’ u s of a even more and i don’t think i’ve ever fully healed. the only thing thats redeemed canada in my mind is the fact that a lot of the forumites here are in fact canadian and offer good advice.

I go to Canada, but not real Canada because it’s BC, at least once a year. Sometimes at horse shows I’ve camped among Candians, but not real Canadians because most of them are from BC and the rest are from Alberta.

I like the Canadians I’ve met. They are far more laid back and fun loving than the average tight assed American. Of course I don’t socialize with people like that much so my friends here in America are pretty laid back and fun loving too.

I’ve had their beer. I’ve had beer in Japan, Australia, Germany, and all over the south Pacific too. Canadian beer is not that good compared to just about anywhere else I’ve been. It does beat Red Stripe from Jamaica and San Miguel from either the Phillipines or the Kowloon brewery, but not by much. I guess if you compare it to Bud or some other canned swill it’s on par. So I think as far as mass produced mega brewery beer goes they should apologize. Whistler Black Tusk lager is a damn fine beer that’s almost as good as some of our real beer.

I don’t care if the Canadians wanted to help in Iraq or not. The guys they sent to Afghanistan did a fine job. Their snipers were incredible and when we tried to give them awards for saving our men’s lives the Canadian government wouldn’t allow it because “Canadians don’t kill people”. I guess they should disband their military because it’s not a news flash that causing death to the enemy is the primary reason to have one.

Hey, who showed up in Iran after the earthquake to render aid? The US, like we always do. I’m sure a few Canadians went along too, you know the ones that aren’t too high on nearly legal dope.

I hope this mostly tongue in cheek diatribe didn’t really offend anyone. At least I didn’t bring up the flock of Canadian geese and a canoe as an example of air and sea power from our neighbors to the north.

Didn’t a Canadian sniper set a new record for the greatest distance for a confirmed kill in combat?

…not that this has anything to do with this childish thread…

A note to all Canadians: Can we please go back to making fun of Quebecois and Newfies and leave the poor Americans for the French to make fun of??

Rick Mercer is a funny man. But that doesn’t mean he knows how to enforce a 12-year-old armistice with a gangster-dictator who murdered his own citizens while contributing to a status quo in a region that propelled many of its most militant citizens to North America for education, social services and homocidal schemes. When Rick figures out an alternative to back up the armistice the '91 Coalition supposedly one, he can tell us. Until then, he can hope Ivan Reitman imports him to Hollywood for a part in a movie.

Exactly the reason I go out of my way to help Canadians.

Where’s Sully to defend American beer?

One time a Candian was trying to argue that their beer was stronger than ours. The beer with the highest alcohol content is made in the US!

This is old but good. I like my Rick Mercer.

M Quebec, are you under the misimpression that Mr. Mercer would not find you to be a lunatic asshole just because you were both against the war? Get a clue. Heck, get a mind while you’re at it.

Pho you are a dumb one.

kiernan and pho,

I. United States: 4. Canada: 3.
II. USA: Gold, Canada: Silver.
This was the result of the final game in the Junior Hockey World Championships played in Helsinki two days ago.

Poor Canada. 0.01% of our athletes play hockey. 0.02% of our people care about hockey.

US=BG you’re a fucking loser. If americans don’t care about hockey and you’re the ultimate american then why do you need to talk about it?

US=GG. Maybe my statistics are wrong, but the first time the US wins the top rung in 25 years of competition is not something to brag about, IMHO.