Jesus Christ wearing a strapon
[quote]therajraj wrote:
Jesus Christ wearing a strapon[/quote]
And a t-shirt that says Fuck The Pope
Lawn chairs and milk crates.
Disclaimer: This post was written as if you live in Texas
Fuck all this knick knack shit. The more bullshit you have laying around the sooner it gets dusty/messy.
Get an overstuffed super comfortable couch
Get an overstuffed super comfortable chair w/ ottoman THAT MATCHES YOUR COUCH
Get a wooden fucking coffee table that looks like it came from the great hall in Valhalla, atop it sits your laptop and available coasters made of cork and leather.
Get three portraits to put on opposing walls:
- Chuck Yeager
- Muhammad Ali
- Earl Campbell
If a chick can make a connection back to her Dad/Grandpa through seeing nostalgic pics of American Hero’s on your wall, you’re that much closer to her being comfortable in your house, thus that much closer to seeing what color her panties are.
On your couch should be two throw pillows and a blanket. I recommend John Deere, Bass Pro, Real Tree, or a pattern that looks like it was carved off the back of Bevo himself.
There should be an end table at the end of your couch that houses the remotes and X-box controllers.
Oh and your flatscreen shouldn’t have the fucking chords strewn all over the place.
Your Bedroom shouldn’t have that much going on. It’s where you sleep, or so you want her to believe. There should be color on the walls and a maybe a couple pictures, but they should be sailboats or mountains. Spend the money on quality sheets and a comforter too.
[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
Disclaimer: This post was written as if you live in Texas
Fuck all this knick knack shit. The more bullshit you have laying around the sooner it gets dusty/messy.
Get an overstuffed super comfortable couch
Get an overstuffed super comfortable chair w/ ottoman THAT MATCHES YOUR COUCH
Get a wooden fucking coffee table that looks like it came from the great hall in Valhalla, atop it sits your laptop and available coasters made of cork and leather.
Get three portraits to put on opposing walls:
- Chuck Yeager
- Muhammad Ali
- Earl Campbell
If a chick can make a connection back to her Dad/Grandpa through seeing nostalgic pics of American Hero’s on your wall, you’re that much closer to her being comfortable in your house, thus that much closer to seeing what color her panties are.
On your couch should be two throw pillows and a blanket. I recommend John Deere, Bass Pro, Real Tree, or a pattern that looks like it was carved off the back of Bevo himself.
There should be an end table at the end of your couch that houses the remotes and X-box controllers.
Oh and your flatscreen shouldn’t have the fucking chords strewn all over the place.
Your Bedroom shouldn’t have that much going on. It’s where you sleep, or so you want her to believe. There should be color on the walls and a maybe a couple pictures, but they should be sailboats or mountains. Spend the money on quality sheets and a comforter too.
[/quote]
You spoke with such confidence and conviction!!! Kinda had me debating half way thru reading it on whether or not I should redecorate my house…
[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
Disclaimer: This post was written as if you live in Texas
Fuck all this knick knack shit. The more bullshit you have laying around the sooner it gets dusty/messy.
Get an overstuffed super comfortable couch
Get an overstuffed super comfortable chair w/ ottoman THAT MATCHES YOUR COUCH
Get a wooden fucking coffee table that looks like it came from the great hall in Valhalla, atop it sits your laptop and available coasters made of cork and leather.
Get three portraits to put on opposing walls:
- Chuck Yeager
- Muhammad Ali
- Earl Campbell
If a chick can make a connection back to her Dad/Grandpa through seeing nostalgic pics of American Hero’s on your wall, you’re that much closer to her being comfortable in your house, thus that much closer to seeing what color her panties are.
On your couch should be two throw pillows and a blanket. I recommend John Deere, Bass Pro, Real Tree, or a pattern that looks like it was carved off the back of Bevo himself.
There should be an end table at the end of your couch that houses the remotes and X-box controllers.
Oh and your flatscreen shouldn’t have the fucking chords strewn all over the place.
Your Bedroom shouldn’t have that much going on. It’s where you sleep, or so you want her to believe. There should be color on the walls and a maybe a couple pictures, but they should be sailboats or mountains. Spend the money on quality sheets and a comforter too.
[/quote]
You sound like Patrick Bateman.
Not once did I mention Phil Collins or hair gel…
[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
Not once did I mention Phil Collins or hair gel…[/quote]
If you had mentioned the price of everything you listed above, I would have accused you of plagiarizing Bret Easton Ellis.
Find Pictures of Serial Killers male & Female. Buy Nice frames for them and hang them all over your house when people ask just say they are family memeber. Brother Charlie, Uncle Ted and Aunt Wuornos.
Get a blender.
Get a goldfish, some of those little rocks, and a tiny aquatic plant(no tiny castle for shrapnel reasons).
Put fish in blender with rocks/plant.
Attach post-it to blender, reading: Blendy ‘Danger’ Fish.
Write next to ‘on’ switch ‘–KILL BLENDY’.
Plug in blender.
Leave in conspicuous area.
Wait.
???
profit!
Men will want to kill Blendy. Girls will want to save him.
If a girl accidentally kills Blendy, she will fuck you.
If a man kills Blendy on purpose, he will respect you.
You cannot lose.
Haha, this one is a can’t miss!
Miracle of life…
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Kid Stomper.[/quote]
Is he holding one kid by his dick?
HARD. CORE.
[quote]Vicomte wrote:
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Kid Stomper.[/quote]
Is he holding one kid by his dick?
HARD. CORE.[/quote]
Literally LOL!
Decorate your place like the houses in A Clockwork Orange
.