Anyone Here Ever Deal With Borderline Personality Disorder?

Yeah I never saw that girl again, fortunately.

I think most paraphilias are unexplainable.

@ActivitiesGuy I now remember why you smartly don’t venture outside of training logs much anymore.

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I’m… VERY hesitant to offer advice on this.

But I’ll start by asking @roscoe88. Aside from this current standing in your relationship, may I ask how your relationship was over the course of the 3 years you guys had been with eachother? Any patterns you noticed? Any times she’s expressed help from you? Any times you can pinpoint where both you and her could’ve done better In helping one another in the relationship?

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13 posts were split to a new topic: Happy Marriages/Relationships

Hijack re-routed: Happy Marriages/Relationships

OP’s question and the original topic of discussion should continue uninterrupted.

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Her horrid, red flag filled background: (remember, I live an HOUR away from her)
-3 kids, 2 different dads. One being someone who has be jailed many times for beating her (yes I’ve seen reports, etc).
-history of lying and cheating
-very poor woman. Lives paycheck to paycheck. On food stamps.
-has been with at least 100 men. Use to be a full on lesbian.
-very uninhibited in bed.
-all kids are very very poorly behaved. Youngest (4) diagnosed autistic.
–her mother was diagnosed schizophrenic and overdosed years ago.
-GF grew up living with different households, often on mattresses on the floor. Very nomadic upbringing due to her mother.
-History of being beaten up by last bf. He is LEGIT crazy.

She meets me. I have a well paying job, single, attractive, and no kids. At first I wanted just sexual stuff, but it continued, and she basically idolized me, as I was very much out of her league in many ways (hope that doesn’t sound ego driven)

For the first 1.5 years, things are great. She’s extremely loving and nurturing. Treated me better than anyone. And I reciprocated in what I thoughts and believe was enough. However, she started distancing at one point, thinking I didn’t love her as I wasn’t doing enough for her (she states). However, the money, time, and emotion/support I’ve given this person would astound you. None of the is recounted by her for some reason. Anyway, at one point she breaks up with me, and in the short time we’re away, she gets back with crazy ex for about a week.

THAT relationship needs a little background: she claims to have never loved him, which I believe. He’s an abusive maniac. But she’d stay with him for support with kids and frankly, she was nuts when she left. She hated sex with him and TOLD me often times she’d exchange sex with him for money or things like a new purse or money for her nails. This startled me. HUGE red flag.

Anyway, we break up but end up getting back together. She is still in counseling trying to understand WHY she’d go back with someone abusive.

For the next year or so things slowwwwly deteriorated. She began to press for her moving to my town, ME buying a bigger house for her and her kids. Of course I didn’t want to. I suggest her moving to me, but renting first and see how things go. THEN perhaps take the next step. This all wasn’t good enough.

At one point I break up with her, about 6 months ago. I just can’t take the situation, the traveling constantly to see her, her crazy kids, the fact she is just, well, intellectually very dumb. Her reaction to the break up is beyond crazy. Calls my mom hysterical for an hour. Can’t function at work. Almost checks into mental hospital. Not the first time. She pleads and begs to get back, and I’m firm. After about a month she is dating someone new. I get upset, beg and plead to get back together, but she’s got a wall up. I make some promises about moving in together (which at the time I was desperate). We get back together.

This brings us up to the past few months. She’s increasing being critical of me, insulting me, twisting words and just not acting nice anymore. One night, after movie/dinner, I was just way too tired for sex. This is LITERALLY the first time this has happened. Her response was INCREDIBLE. Kicked my out of her house. That’s the last I’ve seen her.
Since then, we’ve communicated over via text and phone calls.

It seems like I’m totally blackballed at this point. Her actions and who she seems to be right now are SOOO pervasively different that who I knew her to be for the past few years. Like a mask has dropped.

There were other red flags that would take too long to post, but in the end, I’ve been beyond supportive of her and her kids. Moreso than anyone she’s known… and she’s told me this.

Writing this all has helped actually. My MIND says “dude, look at the RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE”. This person isn’t sound minded, nor has good character. But my heart is hooked. And I KNOW its basically because of how good the sex was.

SO, if any of you have been in a relationship with an ADMITTED borderline, please let me know your thoughts. It’s very hard to just “RUN”. If you’ve never been in one with a borderline, you’d understand.

Ghost her. Change cell phone numbers and addresses if you have to. She wants out of your life and you want out of hers. This is your chance.

giphy (7)

giphy (8)

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You need to run away like your ass is on fire!! The odds of her ever getting better are slim to none. She will continue to spiral downhill until her kids are taken away from her and she is in jail.

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It’s not your heart that’s hooked, man. Walk away, if for no other reason than her three kids don’t need another layer of confusion and chaos in their lives. They’re already full and it’s going to be hard enough for them after you being around for years.

Wait, what? You were “firm” in the break-up, but as soon as she moves on, you return? That’s messed up. You were out and could’ve been done with it all.

It’s beside the point, but I’d argue that these are not “red flags”.

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I’d have to disagree with you Chris. This type of upbringing and behavior can lead to long term negative effects in future relationships.

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Totally agree.

Part of borderline is changing of one’s own identity. Going from lesbian to straight is indicative.

That many partners, at 33, is startling to me also.

She also had a history of basically scissoring other girls her age, at 7. This SCREAMS bizarre.

She really needs medical attention coupled with therapy and anti-depressants.

And, brother, the fact that you kept going back just because she was good in bed speaks something about you too. You probably wanted to “rescue her” but some people cant be rescued.

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She’s been in counseling for trauma for years. And she’s on 2 antipsychotic meds.

I need to figure out what the draw for me is. I know I cannot fix her.

You prefer the chaos you know vs the chaos of the unknown.

There is something to your comment.

I do find myself thinking who she’s with, or how she’s feeling. That’s kind of common after a break up though I believe.

You have been thinking those things for a while now. It’s a habit. Habits don’t break overnight.

Definitely.

I wish I had the answer of how to break obsessive thoughts.

Time.

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You need to delete her number from your phone, delete all texts and pictures and block her number. Then get on Tinder or Bumble or something to see other women

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