They’re not. You’re emotionally and mentally defective, and have found a temporary partner who has the same defects as you. Just the fact that she’s your voluntarily current gf and you describe her this way speaks volumes.
My childhood friend, who was battling an impressive array of mental health issues, back in the day at a party met this very attractive girl who was a giant, walking red flag.
I was his wingman for the occasion (do kids these days still do that?) and diplomatically tried to raise the issue that maybe, just maybe, a girl who in the first two minutes of a conversation causally mentions that after an argument she threw a plugged in hairdryer into a bathtub with her then boyfriend in it (apparently he wasn’t electrocuted) isn’t relationship material.
He responded with the following sentence “She’s very intriguing, I like a woman with an attitude”
Needless to say, they ended up in a relationship and six months later I had to drive him to the ER after she slashed his forearm wide open with a kitchen knife during their routine daily fight.
He proposed to her after being discharged from the hospital.
A few laps back, I had a whirlwind romance with someone that I met at a conference. Lasted a few months. Over time, things kept…not really adding up, and I was fairly certain that she was at minimum struggling with several personal issues related to her past (some of which she had confided to me directly; others where it was unclear whether she had been fully truthful or not, but it was exhausting to try to figure out what was real and what may have been exaggerated).
I struggled because I thought she was a really good person battling some demons that made it very hard to be open and honest with someone that she had only met recently, and it was hard to tell just how long I’d have to stick around to find out. I decided to walk away from this as a romantic relationship (we still talk very occasionally, in a friendly capacity only). It was painful in the moment, but I simply did not feel properly equipped to handle this relationship. In a bit of a weird mindfuck, I couldn’t figure out whether it was selfish of me to end it (“she’s a nice person that just needs some stability!”) or to continue it (“shame on you for thinking you are capable of helping someone navigate this level of past trauma”). I expect that OP feels that way right now, though if they’ve been together for 3 years there’s probably an awful lot more to this than my experience.
Why is this person still allowed to post here?
Correct answer. It’s astonishing to me that there are men who earnestly believe that collectively men are more emotionally stable than women, yet here we are.
Maybe…you’re part of the problem? If the girl is actually difficult to deal with, have you considered finding one that is less “difficult to deal with” for you? A girlfriend (fiance/wife) shouldn’t be “difficult to deal with” you know. If you constantly find yourself complaining about the partners available to you, maybe the problem is how you’re identifying and pursuing these partners?
Better said than I could.
I think we’re gonna need an update to that story, @loppar…
This is the absolute crux of it for me. From some (very) limited personal experience and observation of friends/colleagues, this almost never ends well. In every case I know of, it’s a painful, unhelpful situation for both parties. Don’t do it.
I will second the notion that you just missed a huge bullet. Count yourself lucky. Pretty guaranteed you that if you stay with her, things will degrade to the point you will have to separate and God forbid you have a house, assets, and children to contend over.
Short story - she said yes, and three months later married some other dude out of the blue. Called my friend from her honeymoon bawling her eyes out calling him her “soulmate”. They immediately started an affair (continued their relationship?) until her husband caught them in the act. One fistfight (my friend vs. the husband) and fake suicide attempt later (she claimed to have swallowed some pills) she divorced her husband and moved in with my friend.
What followed was roughly fifteen years of public fights, affairs, police interventions, epic drug/alcohol binges and varying degrees of manic and/or depressive episodes by both parties. Oh yeah and one child who fortunately ended up living with his sister without seeing much of either mummy or daddy.
Now they are both broke 40-somethings moving from one shitty job to the other and she still dresses and behaves like a beautiful 20 year old that she once was and not a crazy cat lady verging on homelessness.
The problem is that some people believe that their dick (or vagina) has magical healing properties and that by fucking their significant other they’ll somehow manage to cure their underlying mental issues.
No they won’t. And if untreated, which is often the case, it will only end up worse. Much worse. There are no good options here.
See, here’s the funny thing about guys who say stuff like “why are all women emotionally and mentally defective?” and then “lol at you white knights”
I have a very attractive wife who makes a very good living while also maintaining her fitness, sharing the household chores and child-rearing (we play to our strengths), and just being an interesting and fun person to be around. Neither of us ever really complains about the other because we don’t have anything to complain about. The biggest complaint I have about our relationship is, like, that she loads the dishwasher funny sometimes?
You’re complaining on the internet that your current girlfriend is difficult to deal with because she makes Jack Torrance look reasonable and mellow.
Which of us do you think has a better understanding of a healthy relationship?
There are plenty of women out there that aren’t “emotionally and mentally defective” and if you’ve been thus far unable to find one, I suggest you consider why that might be. It’s a self-fulfilling problem - men that think all women are broken invariably can’t attract or retain a decent one in a relationship (if my wife met someone like you when she was single, she’d most likely have left before the entrees arrived), and then post their frustrations on the Interwebz, where they meet other similarly-frustrated men who also vent to one another that all women are broken creatures, and it just feeds itself.
Celebrity relationships aside (which are a whole other bizarre dynamic), the quality of partner that you attract is pretty much directly proportional to how well you treat your partners. Know why? Because attractive, smart people have options and ultimately don’t have to deal with a shitty relationship. They’ll leave and find someone better. If you treat and speak about women like they’re all disposable commodities that are just walking sacks of baggage, you’ll end up with what you deserve, it’s no real mystery.
If you want a better relationship, consider being a better person. But the truth is, that really isn’t what most people who say shit like this want - you want to be exactly the same and complain on the Internet to strangers about all women being crazy & unworthy of you. If that makes you happy, cool, I guess, but don’t bother asking “WTF is going on anymore?” because I’ve just explained it to you.
One final point for the OP: it’s gonna require some really long and hard thinking on your part here. As several of us have said, the “easy” option and in all probability the one that leads to a healthier, happier long-term existence for you is to end the relationship, which may be highly painful in the short term. WITH THAT SAID, you may weigh everything and decide that you do not wish to end the relationship. In that case, I wish you good luck, and recuse myself from offering any formal advice other than to try to find a therapist for yourself that may be able to help you process everything. From what little I know, when one partner has a serious mental health problem, an effective prophylactic step for the other partner is to get a therapist or some mental health professional who can provide a neutral, sane ear for them to talk to, because this is very very challenging to manage and your partner (if they indeed have mental health issues that require treatment) will likely be incapable of serving as the sounding board that you need.