I’m not a mother (duh) but I used to be pretty damn fat so I’ll give you the same advice I’d give anyone. Hopefully it’ll help. For the record, until I was about 25 I was overweight and pretty sedentary. I weighed around 220 lbs at 6’, with my bodyfat around 25-30%. I’m now 31 and around 220 at around 17%.
The bottom line is that until getting in shape (whatever they happens to mean for you) is important enough for you, you won’t do it. You might try, but you’ll keep sliding and never quite get there. Once it is important enough you’ll simply do what it takes and it’ll happen because you will do everything that you need to do to achieve it.
I’m not saying this to be a jerk. I’m also not in the slightest saying this to disparage the efforts you’ve already made. I’m saying it because it is true. For what it’s worth, I came across that idea in a piece written by Charles Poliquin and it just happened to reflect my own experience.
The good news is that it is 100% not too late. It also isn’t as hard or complicated as you might think. Keep your training simple and get strong. Unless pure physique is your goal, strength solves 90% of anything. Be consistent above all else. You’re better of knocking out three solid sessions a week month in, month out than five session a week for two months and then dropping off. You’ll have times when you think you need more work, but you’ll do better sticking to the plan.
Same with eating. Keep it simple, and keep it realistic. This one is going to piss people off, because ‘no thank you’ will become a very common response. Don’t bother explaining or justifying yourself. Just say no, and move on. Accept that sometimes you’ll eat stuff you’re not super happy about, but as long as it isn’t a regular occurrence it will have minimal impact. Other than that, it isn’t hard to have a pretty set diet but it helps if you accept that you’ll be generally bored with what you eat. It’s just easier that way, because you don’t have to think about what to prepare.
The last bit is probably a bit of an odd one, but you mentioned your body type: in shape for one body is going to look different to another. A body might want to be muscular rather than lean, or might naturally be lanky. Likewise some bodies have great endurance while others gas out early but are plenty strong. You’ll get your best results when you train the way your body works best.
That last one took me around three years to figure out. I plugged away at kettlebell sport wondering why I wasn’t getting leaner. Within three months of switching to powerlifting I’d started to lean out. It just clicked. The beauty of this is that once you figure out what your body is best at, it starts using food much better.
With that last bit in mind, I’d recommend training differently in 12 week blocks, each with a set program. That usually is enough time to figure out if something is working or not. Train for pure strength for 12 weeks, for aesthetics for 12 weeks, etc. If you’re lucky, you’ll hit on something that clicks right away. Even if it takes a few goes, you’ll never waste time or effort because you will learn a ton. I’m biased, but I’d say start with strength. Whatever else it does, it’ll help you do whatever (if anything) else you choose to do better.