Body dysmorphic disorder is where someone obsesses over an imagined bodily flaw
How can i have body dysmorphic disorder when other people have told me the same thing about how I look?
Also, I am depressed because I am losing hope that I will ever get out of this living hell. The thought of having to take mind altering medications for the rest of my life to treat anxiety makes me even more depressed.
It is definitely not just depression. I literally feel like I am overstimulated all the time, like I have drank a pot of coffee every day. Just the slightest exercise sends my heart rate up to 180 bpm without me even thinking about it. Every night, I wake up at 2:00 am with a feeling of horror and panic out of nowhere along with horrible nausea.
If I did start taking antidepressants, I know that the racing, over-stimulated feeling will not go away. There are times that I am happy but I still feel like I am going to jump out of my socks because I feel so wired all the time.
The real issue you have to deal with is your anxiety, and I think that’s feeding your other concerns regarding body image (trust me, you don’t look as bad as you think) and depression.
You need to get a proper diagnosis of what your issues are, and then work out a treatment plan accordingly. It is going to take a certain amount of effort to manage your condition.
The most effective treatment for what you’re suffering from is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I don’t know where you live, or what access you have to health care, but this should be your starting point.
Have you ever taken an antidepressant? They’re not a magic bullet, and they can improve things by taking the edge off your anxiety. (I know, I have anxiety issues myself, though not at your level.)
I’m not saying that you should sign up for a course of them, and the side effects can be worse than the problem, but if you’re struggling as badly as you make out then I’d consider them as an option.
As for body image, trust me, people don’t notice as much as you think they do.
I heard a story about a male-to-female transsexual who was working as a dockworker whilst undergoing hormone treatment. Her colleagues didn’t notice the breasts that she was growing at the time despite the uniform being a very tight shirt.