TL;DR version: Awesome girl who’s too scared to get physical, what do I do?
Since this seems to be relationship advice week, I’ll ask my own question. I’m a little stumped on this one.
I met a girl a few weeks ago, chemistry is good, personality match is good, really like her and so on. We text throughout the day, talk on the phone, and we’ve had a few lunch/coffee dates that have lasted several hours.
However, things aren’t going anywhere physically. I’m in no real rush, but I’m a bit clueless. I’m getting extremely mixed signals from her, since everything says “go for it”, and as soon as I start, she puts up her defenses immediately. Even if I just try to put my arm around her or hold her hand.
She’s had a few bad relationships, and just generally doesn’t trust guys. And I recently got out of a LTR and my ex is still trying to force herself back in my life. So she’s cautious right now, and I understand that.
I think she’s saying: “I want this to go somewhere, but I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me, so if I keep things platonic, maybe I can pretend I can’t be hurt”. Which I take as meaning if she can learn to trust me, she’ll be ok with things going somewhere.
Is there any hope? And how should I go about doing it? How do I build trust in a platonic relationship, without losing the chemistry/attraction? Is that even the right approach?
Important fact: she turns 20 in a month, and has the maturity and experience of, well, a 20yo. I usually date older girls.[/quote]
Kino escalation, very good, dont stop doing that.
In fact, that is how you get her trust, lead her physically, meaning, offer her your arm and lead her from A to B, gently move her around an obstacle with a hand on her back, stuff like that.
First, your ex wanting you back is good ----> other woman want you, your target should know that.
Not by you telling her, but if you meet up with her, do it somewhere where it will get back to your target. Obviously you do not make out with your ex, first because you just dont and second if she is insecure to begin with that might be too much.
Second, prepare for massive shit testing, DO NOT ACCEPT HER FRAME. Right now you are doing that, stop. In the middle of the massive shitstorm, throw in that if you were an asshole, your ex would not be all over you. If she asks why you wont simply go back to her, tell her you want her and your ex should have made up her mind before the shit hit the fan. DHV, social proof, passed shit test, all rolled into one.
Third, after you have lead her from A to B, start to eyefuck her.
Basically you stare into her eyes and think of all the perverted shit you would really like to do with that innocent little dove. For Petes sake, dont overdo it, your goal is for her to “feel the energy” “the sparks” or whatever neo pagan nonsense names girls give to sexual tension these days without her knowing why.
Google it, practice it.
If she starts to shift from one leg to the other or, if she is sitting crosses her legs, you are getting to her.
Then you take her hand in a not so brotherly fashion, stroke it with your thumb, play with her fingers and let the energy build, continue eye fucking.
If she starts blushing, averting her eyes and whatnot, build a last boost of intimacy by stroking a lock of her hair from her forehead and if she give you “the look”, kiss her.
Do that soon or you will be stuck in friendzone forever and at best she can be a social pivot to get to know other girls and as far as I understand neither one of you wants that.
If she puts up any resistance afterwards you are actually allowed to talk about your feelings (shocking, I know!) which would be something like :" I know you need some time bla bla, cannot help but wanting you blabla, ".
Oh yeah, and you can put “I feel the energy and its strong, I simply could not help it” right at the beginning of this conversation.
Since this is what it will have felt like for her, you have both been swept away by a whirlwind of romance, lost in your feelings, it is obviously…
I swear to God, every now and then I feel like standing on a street corner and ask any semi attractive woman “Hey, wanna fuck” just to keep my sanity.