T Nation

Anger/Rage Management

Okay, so I’m wondering what others do:

You’re pissed…

Short of beating the crap out of people/whatever, what do you do to “stay in control” and deal with it? I’ve not “snapped” yet…but sometimes it takes supreme effort to not go ballistic.

What do you do to deal with it?

I’m basically a fun guy who people enjoy being around (not joking) but these days the smallest thing can just “get to me”

I’m having a hard time controlling the spirit of “rage” that lives within me. Actually it/s a daily struggle.

Can anyone share their methods or give any words of advice?

Thanks

TB

MMA.

Meditation.

Seriously, works for me, and I would probably be clinically diagnosed as a sociopath.

Medication or having a stronger guy put the fear of God into you by whooping your ass, LOL! Just kidding.

Goosefrabba…

I seriously need to see a counselor or shrink about my anger, as I am normally very laid back, but lately, my anger has been out of control and the rage is consuming me.

[quote]apayne wrote:
Goosefrabba…[/quote]

YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!!!

meditation…not medication which I believe can be a crutch. But seriously there are tons of ways to control your anger, (I send TONS of people to anger management all the time). But the main thing is you have to want to change and not be an “angry person”. There’s breathing, thinking, body relaxation techniques, that all can help, if you let it.

talk to lonniejr or whoever he was…

Seriously, what is it about your current situation that’s putting you on edge? Stress at home, school, or work? Are you getting enough sleep? When I’m running a sleep deficit, I get pissed off easily. What generally calms me down is introspection… I ask myself if the person I’m mad at really and truly did something wrong, or if I’m just projecting my own anger at myself onto them.

Was there anything I could have done to prevent the situation, or make it better? I don’t know about you, but I screw up and make mistakes all the time. Unfortunately I deal with people who never let me forget it… but the mistakes are still mine.

Any book on cognitive therapy such as “Mind Over Mood” would help. Basically, it’s exercises where you write down things that bother you, then write down arguments about why you should not care. Or ,if they are important, write down what you can do about them.

It’s a way of taking time to sit down and figure things out, and writing helps you focus instead of letting your mind wander or focusing on negatives. It is not complaining or whining. Slow writing steps for decision making, planning, setting goals, etc. Instead of blindly meditating, you’re meditating on specifics.

I find it’s very similar to practices of successful people. Having goals, visualization, putting things in perspective, etc.

There could be many causes for a lot of anger under the surface. Cognitive therapy is very useful to help figure out what’s going on and what you can do about it.

[quote]nephorm wrote:
talk to lonniejr or whoever he was…

Seriously, what is it about your current situation that’s putting you on edge? Stress at home, school, or work? Are you getting enough sleep? When I’m running a sleep deficit, I get pissed off easily. What generally calms me down is introspection… I ask myself if the person I’m mad at really and truly did something wrong, or if I’m just projecting my own anger at myself onto them. [/quote}

I’ve asked myself this. I think it’s a combination of too much work (2 jobs plus private lessons that take “giving” energy…I teach English as a foreign Language in China, plus study Chinese daily. I have very little “fun” as this city has no social life…I’m not a heavy drinker like most other people here so I’m excluded from the norm. The other foreign teachers hate Americans and dislike me because the indigenous folks love the hell out of me.). And it surfaces as soon as “something” happens…it can be the smallest thing.

So basically, it’s solitude, overworked, no play, and always giving energy and not receiving any in return.

I suppose it’s what Danny John would say is a lack of balance.

I fully agree. We are responsible for everything…expecially our conduct. I’ve improved greatly…in terms of not showing how I’d like to rip out someones spleen via their mouth…but that rage just seethes in my gut like a cancer.

I do MA, I do have fun when I can…I LOVE working out. These are my outlets but these days they seem to be not enough. People always seem to want to take…and never give back. And my stores of “giving” are wearing thin.

TB

And…therapy is not an option at this time. Language differences and to tell the truth, I don’t need some “government fed knowledge” (via the "doctor) getting put into my head, if you get my meaning.

I’m NOT joking…you may be surprised at how many drones there are out here that mindlessly spit the name Mao (or whatever).

TB

This may sound stupid but Archery is the best therapy for anger management.

It helps you focus, relax and concentrate.

Sounds dumb but it works like you cannot believe.

[quote]hedo wrote:
This may sound stupid but Archery is the best therapy for anger management.

It helps you focus, relax and concentrate.

Sounds dumb but it works like you cannot believe.[/quote]

Nah…doesn’t sound stupid at all.

I can imagine the target being that particular person that I want to kick the shit out of and then release arrow into his jugular vein…oh …=D

TB

Play poker! You can make good money from it if you can get on TV.

Well that’s what I hear!

I’ll give you an excerpt about dealing with your anger, it’s called the Release Technique. Basically it works by forcing yourself to feel the emotion you want to get rid of (in your case, anger), and letting the anger build up and become so intense that you end up seperating yourself from the emotion. Then, you realize how ridiculous the emotion is, and you’re able to just let it go completely.

Here’s the excerpt:

"Lester Levinson found that people have three usual ways of handling
a feeling:

The first way is to suppress the feeling. But suppressed feelings don?t go away - they build up and fester inside, causing anxiety, tension, depression, and a host of stress-related problems. The repressed energy (or ?charge?) thesevsuppressed feelings create eventually drives you to behave in ways you don?t like or understand, and which you cannot control.

The second way is to express the feeling. By ?blowing up? or losing our tempers we relieve the pressure of the accumulated emotions. This can feel good because it puts the feeling into action - but it doesn?t get rid of the feeling, it simply relieves the pressure of it momentarily. Negative emotions may also be unpleasant for the person on the receiving end, which in turn causes more distress and guilt.

The third common way to cope with feelings is by attempting to avoid the issue by attending instead to distractions - by talking, watching TV, eating, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, having sex, etc. But despite our attempts to
escape them, the feelings are still there - and still take their toll in the form of stress.

But there is another option for handling a feeling - you can let go of it: release it, discharge it. This is the healthiest way to handle a feeling that is consuming us. We?ve all had the experience of being in the midst of an emotional explosion and then suddenly beginning to laugh at ourselves, realizing how silly or inappropriate or useless our behavior is.

Step One: Focus. First think of some problem area in life - something that is of great urgency and concern. It may be a relationship with a loved one, a parent or child; it might be your job, health or fears. Or it might simply be the feeling that you are experiencing now.

Step Two: Identify your feeling. Determine your feeling about the problem area, or the current feeling. What do you really feel? - open yourself up, become aware of your physical sensations - what word comes to mind? Determine the purest form of the feeling - for example, if you perform your releasing operations on fear, rather than hesitance or worry, you will find the results are much more dramatic and powerful.

Step Three: Feel your feeling. Let your feeling inhabit your entire body and mind. If the feeling is a grief feeling, you may break into tears; if it is anger, you may feel your blood begin to boil. That?s good - now is the time to feel the feeling.

Step Four: Individuate. Become aware of the difference between yourself, your ?you?, and what that self is feeling. When the feeling is fully experienced and accepted, there will at some point be a clear sensation that your feeling is notyou, so it would be possible to let go of the feeling. If you do not feel that it is possible to let the feeling go, feel it some more. Sooner or later you will reach a point where you can truthfully answer: ?Yes, I could let this feeling go?.

Step Five: Release. When will you let this feeling go? Sooner or later you will be
able to answer: ?I am willing to let this feeling go now?. So let the feeling go, to simply release it, if you haven?t done so spontaneously. It feels good to let it go - all the built-up energy that has been held in the body is released. There is a sudden decrease in physical and nervous tension. You will feel more relaxed, calm, centered.

Step Six: Repeat. Do you still have any of the feeling? If some of it is still there then go through the procedure again. Often releasing is like a well - you release some and then more arises. Some of our pent-up emotions are so deep that they require a number of releases."

[quote]apayne wrote:
Goosefrabba…[/quote]

Oh yeah…and WTF does this mean??? =D

TB

I’ll probably get flamed to high heaven, but when I smoked pot regularly, I was a much more mellow person.
Maybe a few hits of the chronic once in a while would sort your problem out bro.

[quote]deanosumo wrote:
I’ll probably get flamed to high heaven, but when I smoked pot regularly, I was a much more mellow person.
Maybe a few hits of the chronic once in a while would sort your problem out bro.[/quote]

No offense intended, but no way will I go back to that shit. I like myself better and think clearer and have more focus and clarity without it.

besides, there are severe penalties for it in this country to boot…

TB

[quote]Trailblazer wrote:
apayne wrote:
Goosefrabba…

Oh yeah…and WTF does this mean??? =D

TB[/quote]

watch the show Anger Management with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson then you’ll understand.

[quote]lostinthought wrote:
Trailblazer wrote:
apayne wrote:
Goosefrabba…

Oh yeah…and WTF does this mean??? =D

TB

watch the show Anger Management with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson then you’ll understand.
[/quote]

You’ll also understand the "YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SHIT!!! quote…