T Nation

Anaconda Is Here!!!


How would you like to have the perfect workout everyday? To feel like you drank from the fountain of youth? To be the master of the universe? Well, prepare yourselves because ANACONDA is here, and the erections you'll get while reading this will blow your pants off!

Direct from the Congo this magic formula is like no other. It is a testosterone booster, because it actually makes testosterone inside your body. How? Our special A7-E Nano Dispersion Robots powered by Thermonuclear Gel Technology. Each pill contains thousands of nano robots that will assemble inside your testicles and start manufacturing testosterone from raw materials inside your body. So its not a pro-hormone or steroid, screw you FDA. And yes the nano machines are 100% organic.

Now you can lift forever.

"Use this with in combination with V for Velocity Diet and you will become "el hombre de la caverna" in three weeks."
-Chris Sugadaddy

"Definitely approve of this supplement" -Tom Cruise

"Yazhooo! Purple dog palace here I come"
-Nuclear Dog

[Mod Note: Yes, it must be an April Fools parody!]


Can I use this while on a cycle of Metabolic Drive?

I was planning on 2 weeks Flameout and then 3 weeks of HOT-ROX for PCT. Does this sound good to you guys?


Cool! I don't even care about the effect, I just like the idea of little nano-tech robots swimming around inside me.

What if they take over though? Any way to shut them off?


You must write all of the Fizogen ads.


this is exactly what I needed!


Creative. Yet it feels like I went from being a normal human to a complete dunce.

I thank you...



This looks and sounds like an April fools.


Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):

  1. The label says not to take stimulants while using Anaconda, Im taking HOT-ROX, ephedrine, ma-huang, clenbuterol, viagra, T3, all washed down with starbucks triple expresso. Can I use Anaconda?

The latest research?sigh Double up your ADD dosage and F*K***G READ THE LABEL. ?Shy Wilson

  1. Can I use this while taking Metabolic drive?
    Yes, eat 2 scoops everytime you take a dosage. You will grow.


3. What kind of exercises should I do while taking Anaconda?

Ok let me show you this badass exercise?[turns on Autocad 3000]. -Thib Diesel


OH, I'll take 40 bottles right now. Why? If one is good, then two is better, and 40.....

I could take it double dose, non-stop all year while still cycling protein powder, 'cause that is hardcore.



4. Im 11 years old, Can I take this?

Please don?t, the effects of it will make you the opposite of a T-man in the long run. Keep away from kids. See pic above.

(and yes this is all a big joke)


You "cycle" Metabolic Drive? Or was that a joke, too? I've been dumbed trying to guess at what the real Anaconda is going to do when it comes out... whenever.


Is this better for cutting or bulking? I'm 17, should I use this or Deca?


Are these caffeine and ephedra free nano-dispersion testicular reassembling micro-robots? And if so, can I take this product at 4am because if I eat anything at 4:45am I get indigestion. And can I take this with creatine...or should I wait 2 hours after taking creatine to take it. And what happens if I need to take it on an empty stomach but I eat every two hours? Will that destroy the nano-dispersion testicular reassembling micro-robots?

Can I take it with Biotest Creatine, Alpha Male and my mom's home-made iced tea. What if her iced tea has caffeine in it? What if she accidentally pees in the tea?

Can I workout at night and take this product? If so, when do the nano-dispersion testicular reassembling micro-robots sleep?


Cy Willson: Hi there! Well I wouldn't suggest taking anaconda with anything containing...you know what? Fuck you, fuck every single one of you in the ass I've already fucking said 18 fucking times that you don't take stimulants with this! can you not read? How did you find this site? how did you turn your computer on? how did you live long enough to ask me this question?!

WHY!!! I sold my soul to Tim Patterson for this?!!?!

Wanna know the secret!?? There is a Biotest SUPERSTACK oh but we keep it a big secret!! so guys like you wont know! you take 16 max HOT-ROX with 8 Spike washed down with at mnimum 75 mg l-ephedrine and 1.2g of caffine.



I'm 135 pounds and don't lift at all. Will this stuff help me pack on muscle (say, 50 pounds with NO FAT) without me working out at all?


baby serpentor?


My first day on Anaconda:

I popped two and went to the gym and my strength went THROUGH THE ROOF! No, literally, I benched and threw the 405 (a PR) and it hit the ceiling tiles!

Also, I weighed myself and discovered I was 5 pounds heavier than the day before, and it was all LBM!

Looks like a winner, Biotest!


I got into a horrible car crash on the way home from the gym,I lost a lot of blood,broke my neck and lost my left leg below my knee.I rolled home since I couldn't walk and popped two Anacondas. Wouldn't you know it,my leg regenerated,my neck healed and I felt fine just 5 minutes after taking them.Thank you Anaconda,you saved me 250,000 in hospital bills.



The only way to shut them off is by freezing your balls. They will then be dormant for 10 years. After that...you are on your own.

They never sleep. The only side effects known of taking this at night is that you will wake up with a 2hour painless mourning wood. Make sure that your commute to work is more than 2 hours.

This is a known fact. Just remember that your new leg is infused with testosterone and you many need to decrease training for it while your other leg plays catch up. Take some Firenomore while you train to help your old leg.

All this info comes from a technical data sheet on Anaconda, found on april 1 in the Nation's backpages.