T Nation

An Apology


#1

I will be happy if this thread falls off the first page. Also it probably seems stupid to make a thread to apologize, but I owe quite a few an apology. About to give TMI and will regret this thread when I am done.

Some may have noticed that I am completely psycho at times lately and off the rails vicious in some of the threads. I very much hate to admit this but I have developed a drinking problem and I get pretty much belligerent when I do.

I was in a pretty bad car accident last year that burned my face and neck and caused damage to my right breast. I was afraid I was going to lose my breast for a while due to the trauma from the seat belt. Luckily the burns have healed and you can't see the scars very well. The breast has healed although I have a groove in it but I am happy to have it. I got into trouble with enjoying the vicodin way too much.

At the same time my dad now has onset dementia and has blood clots in his legs and this thing going on with inflammation in his pelvis that pinches the sciatic nerve and causes him to collapse and blackout. My mother just beat cancer about 2 years ago for the second time and then a month after my accident she had a stroke. She is recovering but has "word salad" sometimes and mood swings she can't control. She also has COPD and emphysema and is on oxygen. My parents are in their late 70's and I help them.

Sooo got that at home and the vicodin just mellowed things out so it was easier but I knew that was a bad habit so I got off that but I traded that for drinking. Legal and cheaper and so easy to get. So that is what I am working through and not doing the best job of it.

I sometimes get mean when I do drink and I have lashed out on here. The good thing about lashing out here is that I then have to see what I did the next day and having to face it puts the problem where I can't ignore it.

Sorry for those that I attacked. I am just a mess right now but I am working on it.

Also I realize I might seem arrogant that this is even thread worthy, it isn't to anyone else but me and my wanting to explain why I have wreaked havoc in a lot of threads lately.


#2

It's the internet, you don't need to worry about anyone's feelings on here. Sounds like you already have plenty to worry about.


#3

It WILL fall off the first page, which means people will forget about it and so will you, and you will get over your issues.

No harm, no foul. Just don't harm yourself, please :slightly_smiling:


#4

Posting this takes a lot of integrity.

Your recent outbursts did seem out of character, I have always enjoyed your genuinely well thought out posts.

As someone who has a lot of substance abuse history in their family, let me say, please don't try to do this alone. Alcohol can be the worst to kick if it gets it's hooks in you.


#5

No worries,OG. No one cares and no one here is seriously hurt by things said on here....I hope at least. I mean, everyone here is an asshole,you haven't noyiced? Lol

Take care of what's important, yours and your parents health. Good luck with the real things.


#6

Take a break from TN and get better.


#7

I had a feeling you were experiencing an adverse time in your life, OG. I now feel bad I didn't contact you.

No apology necessary.


#8

Wow.

Rough times, eh?

If it helps, you can send me as many mean spirited PMs as you want.

Id rather you would not drink yourself into oblivion to deal with your problems, but, babysteps.


#9

Sticky please.

I kid... I kid. I missed your outbursts but you have always seen level headed from what i have ever read. Best of luck in your recovery.


#10

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Hope you can make things right soon.


#11

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#12

I hope everything works out for the best OctoberGirl.

we're all pulling for you.


#13

Takes guts to admit that you have a problem--but the good is news that once recognised you will be well on the path to getting it sorted.

If any advice from an oldie (and nurse) is : don't beat yourself up--life will do enough of that. Having elderly and sick parents is tough, i a lucky in that respect but i see a lot of it every day at work.

Respect and regards

Stevebn


#14

Do something to address your drinking problem before it gets out of hand.


#15

Idiot, Drinking cleanses your soul, keep on drinking OP.


#16

I hope everything gets better for you OG. Your a strong person for going through all that and sharing what you did.


#17

So sorry to hear about your accident, and all the health things going on with your parents.

You've had to cope with some HUGE life stressors. Any one of those events could make anybody get a little "dysfunctional".

Hang in there. You'll come out on the other side of this a better woman, with empathy that will help other people. This kind of thing is what gives people depth of character. And you are already talking about it like it's a phase that you are putting behind you. That, my dear, is a very good sign.

And I like you a little bit more now that I've seen your humanity. Funny how that works. Hugs OG.


#18

Puff,

She is a very lovely person.

OG,

You know where to find me.


#19

Yes we noticed... but your other endearing interwbz attributes and epic thread starting capabilities more than made up for it,

I'm impressed you wrote this and know exactly exactly exactly what it is like. Beyond understand.

Its really sweet that you care, about T-Nation I mean.


#20

Not at all. Your openness and your willingness to apologize shows you care about how you've affected others. It takes real heart to put your feelings out there on the internet, especially when a whiff of vulnerability or humanity is like blood in the water to some fuckers.

For that I wish you all the good luck in life you deserve.