I came home from college 3 days ago. During the college semester I never get to come home because I go to school so far away and my family isn’t that well off so I can’t fly home whenever I want.
I do go to school around my uncles, aunts, and grandmother (45 mi away)on my moms side. My grandmother has Dementia,a form of Alzheimer’s disease, and over this past year it has gotten really bad. Last night she inhaled a piece of food that collapsed one of her lungs. After being rushed to the ER she was hooked up to a respirator.
My moms sister and brother start calling here talking with my mom to ask what to do. My mother is the oldest child and the only one who has done anything with her life. Both my uncles are drunks(harsh to say but the truth) and my aunt is bipolar along with many other mental illnesses. Anyway my mom said to sign a DNR and let her pass and she’d leave in the morning to go be with the family. Well everyone called her cold hearted and mean. But the thing is no one there wants to care take care of her. My grandmother has sat in her own fecis for hours because my uncles won’t clean her because it’s “gross”! None of them want to watch her or care of her. It’s like she is a burden to them and they just say F…k it it’s too hard I don’t want to do it.
So my mom left this morning and the plan is to take my grandmother off the respirator tonight. This means she will die. So in escence my mom is going to see her mom for the last time. However, when she left she didn’t cry at all. When I asked her if she was ok she said that she was and she will back when everything was taken care of.
I know when she gets there she will be blamed for her moms passing and there will be fights. So my dad is taking me and brother there tomorrow. However, I don’t want to go. I am so disgusted with my family I can’t bare to be with them. I almost feel like balming them for ruining my break, in the sence that if they took care of my grandmother she won’t be like this right now. I also don’t want to go, beacuse I can’t see my grandma that way and for damn sure can’t watch them put her in the ground. I don’t don’t know what to do or how to feel. I figure that my mom needs me even though see didn’t say it and I will go and be strong for her.
I guess this is life…and right now it sucks.
I’m off to the gym to clear my head.