Im gonna chime in and back up what everyone else has told you.
My great grandmother pretty much raised me and my brother. Thanks to my mom and dads drug and alchole use. So I know how that shit is. My great grandmother also cant evern remember anything or any one. She seems to remember me and my brother. But, only as kids.
My whole family went through the same thing. Passing here form family member to family member. All saying it was too hard to take care of her. Hell, I even helped out. I mean I might not even be here if it wasnt for her. I was the least I could do.
But now she is in a nursing home and she has been in there for 5 years she is 94. I have been to see her once. Right before I got deployed to Iraq. Just incase you know, I didnt make it back.
I dont think I will ever go back. It was so hard for me to see the woman that was so strong and that raised me and my brother not even being able to walk or talk well.
Now I am not a weak man and I hardly ever cry. Thanks to all the things that have happened in my life. But, it took every thing I had not cry in front of her. Hell, Im getting choked up just thinking about it now.
But, after I left there I cryed like a little girl. And I told myself I would never go back. Just because that is not the way I want to remember her.
So in closing you are not a bad person in how you feel. Ive felt the same way about my family. But, Im sorry that all this has happened. But, its not your fault. I hope everything works itself out.