I’m fed up.
I need to revitalize my commitment to my fitness, but I’m having trouble.
I got a few complications, but those are all mental or psychological, which is as good as saying I don’t have any…potentially.
I do have some distractions. Recently unemployed. Girlfriend. Questions about how imma make a living. And dreams of being on top of something. But I know fitness ain’t exclusive to those who hold gym memberships, and it is the providence of those who are inventive, adventurous, and take the initiative.
Not sure what I’m doing with my nutrition. I got a head full of trivia and a bunch of half empty notebooks. Unread books. I got a cabinet full of supplements I hardly touch. A heavy bag that ain’t hangin. A lonely weight bench in my living that ain’t really big enough for me. A storage bin marked ATHLETIC EQUIPMENT.
I been a on again, off again athlete for a long time. And right now I’m off. Realize I need a goal and I don’t think general fitness is enough. I’ve done a marathon, I’ve been huge and ripped (thanks Velocity Diet and myself for actually doing the program right. It’s been 10 years almost since I did the early version and I learned a lot about myself), I been a 10,000 yard a day swimmer, done a lot of martial arts, I been a model. Done baseball, basketball, football. I been a swim coach and fitness trainer. I’m not sure what’s next. I still swim. I weight lift, but these things are inconsistent. I got a couple straggling members of an 8-pack that are dying to see the light of day.
Part of my problem is remembering what I’ve done. The words I’m doing ___ bring a lot of memories to compete with. I feel like I gotta tell myself that don’t mean shit. Yesterday’s goals are today’s excuses. I hear them out of too many mouths. They rattle around in my own head. I gotta make shit new. The thought of doing anything without dedication seems like bullshit. And the thought of becoming again obsessed with something to the exclusion of everything and everyone else is scary.
I don’t do balance well.
Not sure if I’m going to make a sport-specific goal part of my commitment yet. But what am I progressing toward without a goal. Boxing? Smashing old records on the mile? 50 yard swim? Gettin huge in a hurry? Endurance on foot?
I made up my mind that all the distractions, half steppin, excuses, and plans with no execution are no longer tolerable, and I’m looking for the right community. Not sure what to do with community either.
Questions and ideas keep me awake at night, losing sleep. But I’d lose sleep to be working on something. Somehow I gotta simplify shit. I just don’t know yet.