It’s been a very long time since I had tears in my eyes but they’re welled up pretty good as I write this.
It’s been 9 months since the last time my dad came to visit. His previous 2 trips up here have ended in dissapointment and disgust towards who he has become. He’s always had a drinking problem which was the main cause of my family’s complete seperation 2 years ago but I see now that his bottle of Vodka has become his new #1 son. My dad is probably the most unhealthy, unfit and uncaring person that I know and it hurts badly to know he probably won’t be alive in 5 years but worse is that he doesn’t care enough to see me grow up, never win a bodybuilding competition, never meet my wife or hold my first-born child.
I’m 20 and my younger brother is 18 and I know we both missed out on a lot due to not having a father figure around for the last 10 years which I always reminded myself that it was just making me tougher and a better man but now I realize it was only creating a void. I thank god that my mom is twice as concerned and supportive of us to make up for the defecit of my dad but I still had to learn a lot of things the hard way with no one by my side. I suppose this makes me the ultimate hypocrite though.
I despise fat, lazy and weak willed/minded people yet I’m only alive because of one. We’ve tried too many times to talk with him, express what he has done to our family and try to get him to quit or at least lessen his alcohol abuse but he just shovels the same shit our way over and over again to shut us up that he’s quitting and he’s sorry. My favorite quote is “A quitter never wins and a winner never quits” which is how I strive to live everyday of my life but I’m throwing in the towel.
After he leaves in a week I doubt I will ever see him alive again. I can truthfully say that I’d of much rather never known my father and had dreams of who he might be than to see the real man give up and call it quits early.
So if this post gets through to just one dad and is enough to make him realize that his negative actions have far greater impacts on his family and his sons in particular then it was well worth writing. You only have so much time, spend it with your family not falling over.
P.S- Sorry for the tears I know it’s very untestosteronish. I promise I won’t cry for another 10 years.