T Nation

Ah, The Red States...


#1

All You Need to Know and Believe to Be a Republican

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to the spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.


#2

If your a republican supporter your confused, if not put this stuff on billboards!! I wonder how long until the "correct" viewpoint is put across.


#3

"Your" is a different word than "you're".


#4

Maybe the Red states are red, because they are embarrassed?


#5

All you need to know and believe to be a Liberal:

It's OK to be gay. As a matter of fact, it's better to be gay. Please promote it, make your kids gay. Anything but straight is great!! Gay, gay, gay, gay, yay, yay, yay! Heterosexuals are evil.

Let the government take care of you. Crap out as many kids as you can with as many different people as you can. This way you can get lots and lots of welfare.

The NRA including Charlten Heston are a group of evil, evil people and so are the guns that they are so crazy about. They are the real murderers in society. Take away the guns now and it will solve all the homicide problems.

Teach your kids how to masturbate when they are 5 years old, preferebly while looking at gay magazines.

White people are evil, evil people. They are the reason for all the problems in the world. Give all the jobs to anyone who isn't white. Don't worry about the whole "best man for the job" thing, it's overated.

Let's all learn Spanish so we can cater to the 500,000 illegal immigrants that are flooding into the country each year now.

Religion is great, as long as it doesn't include anything about Christianity. Christians are evil, evil people. Muslims are great, especially the extremists. Don't ever say the Jesus word! Oh no, I said it!

If you encounter a Christian who doesn't believe in evolution, say things like "you are so fucking stupid!" to them like harris447, a true liberal.


#6

I started when I was four without even being taught. Do I win?

This is something that confuses me.

All the right-wing, Christian Repulicans who claim to follow Jesus. If you are truly Christian, why the hell aren't you hardcore economic liberal? Screw that, why aren't you a communist?

And all the liberal athiests out there are the ones who whine the loudest when we trim 0.1% off of Medicaid. WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT ALL THE MISFORUTUNATE STRANGERS OUT THERE IF YOU ARE NOT RELIGOUS!?!?!?! Is it because when you grew up mommy told you to share? Is it your college professors who convinced you that it is cool to support government social programs?


#7

You really are so fucking stupid.

See, mine were funny and true. Yours are the lunatic ravings of people who desperately wnat to believe that, even though they hold power in the White House, Congress, Supreme Court, etc., that they are persecuted.

"Teach kids to masturbate while looking at gay magazines"? What the fuck are you talking about? Please find a source for this.

A serious question: where did you go to school?


#8

"See, mine were funny and true"

Yah, if all you believe is propaganda and rhetoric being spewed from the left. While his are ridiculous, yours offers little more than comic relief for left-heads. Try not to take yourself and your blogging base of info so serious.


#9

I was in Oklahoma a few years ago about a month before the presidential election. I was in line at Starbucks. Two ladies in front of me were talking politics and I was kind-of listening. One turned to the other and said "voting against Bush is like voting against Jesus". LOL


#10

As a moderate, I have to say that emu's post really was just raving. harris's at least had some truth behind them, of course it's still merely propaganda, but there is some truth in them nonetheless.

When the fuck have liberals said "being gay is better?" When the fuck have they even mentioned masturbating? To gay magazines?

When the fuck have liberals said that white people are bad? Do you realize that affirmitive action is NOT supported by every liberal in the US? It is beginning to be really quite hated by many.

When the fuck have liberals ever said illegal Spanish immigrants are OK?

Your religion one is the only one with some half truth. I myself truly can't stand those who claim that Christianity is bad, but every other religion is merely oppressed.


#11

All You Need To Know To Be A Democratic Liberal:

Let everyone do whatever they want, as long as everyone else pays for it.

Harris: Where did you go to school?

Also, it seems to me that your vocabulary is quite limited. You should read more socially acceptable books. This should allow you to use more non four-letter words.

...just a suggestion if you want to be taken seriously......


#12

What would Jesus do?


#13

Liberals...a sorce of constant amusement.

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question - What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?

Answer - A competent liberal President.

Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?

Answer - Mace.

Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.

Question - How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer - None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

Question - How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"

Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.

Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome

Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.

Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.

Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It?s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.

Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal?s ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.

Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.

Q: What's the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Q: What's the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He's not a Democrat.


#14

omg taht is liek so funny an clevr LOLOLO

did u cum up wit dat on ur own dood?


#15

"grew7 wrote:
omg taht is liek so funny an clevr LOLOLO

did u cum up wit dat on ur own dood?"

Translation: Great post Hedo!!!

What's next grew, Nah nah nah nah nah!!???

JeffR


#16

When your trying to use humor to make a point...try being actually funny.


#17

I dug it Harris. Pretty humorous.

I can take liberal jokes as long as they're funny. Doesn't bother me.

And FlyingEmu, you are again proving complete incompetency and retardedness. Are you from Texas by any chance?


#18

Please list your source for "Jesus shares hatred for homosexuals". I don't hate homosexuals.

Please give the specific scriptures out of the Bible that state Jesus hating homosexuals.


#19

Hey FI being from NJ and being a liberal you have to have a sense of humor :slight_smile: Being from NJ is hard enough.


#20

Nah nah nah nah nah?