T Nation

..Again.. another mistake..

Here we go again right? Another stupid, fucking teenage mistake.

I’ve been friends with my gf for atleast a year. Close, best of friends. We started going out a little over a month ago.

Zoom forward in time: Today… her dad sees me. Drinking a beer. Call her mom, and says “mindy’s no longer aloud to talk to ray.” “I don’t want her around him or even talking to him anymore”

She calls me. Explains what happens. Tells me it’s over. Tells me there’s nothing she can do.

Here I am. Extremely suprised. Speechless. not knowing what the fuck just hit me. BOOM! My best friend, and my gf is never going to talk to me again! WTF?! How? Why? What can I do? I’m so confused at this moment, and more than anything pissed at myself. I always seem to fuck things up. I’m suire I’ll get some more old timers telling me how stupid I am, but even if I get 5600000 flames, if I get one good sentence of advice it’s all worth it. I’d really like to keep 'er. Thank you. -D

I say it’s not her father’s choice, it’s hers. She should stick up for herself.

Her parents are crazy, over-protective nut-balls. Drinking a beer is not the end of the world. Get her to talk to her folks about this, maybe she can impart some sense of reason on them.

Yes, somewhat overprotective. There’s a thing called “guilt by association” in the world, “peer pressure” if you will. I can see the father’s viewpoint, and he has probably in his mind taken it to an extreme conclusion. Is there anything you can do? Well, you could try to talk to the father (good luck), you could try to just sneak around behind their backs (usually not a good idea), or you could just live with it (unacceptable to you, I’m sure). It’s a bitch being a teen, ain’t it.

Give it time. Her dad only wants the best for her and seeing you an underaged drinker and whatever other impressions he has developed of you was just too much. He only wants the best for his little angel.
She is caught in a really tough place, give her time also.

Your post surprised me on two counts. First, that the father honestly believes that teenagers do not drink. Second, that your best friend didn’t stick up for you. My conclusion is that this must be a very religious family (or morally extremely strict). I agree with the others that there isn’t much you can do. Obviously your gf sides with her dad (or he has laid out the law so strongly she dare not go behind his back), so you must live with that. If there is any possibility that you come in contact with this family outside of your relationship with the girl, try to put on a stellar behaviour model for the next little while. Show them that you are indeed a nice guy and not the drunken boor they now believe you to be. It’ll be tough, but if you persevere, I am sure you can convince them that you are worth their daughter’s attentions. Good luck!

Don’t waste your time trying to fix things. I too came from super-strict parents - you can’t change them.

Hire a hooker to seduce her dad. Take pictures. Use blackmail to get your g/f back. It’s worth the $100

How old are you that the dad flipped when he saw you drinking a beer. I am 18, a freshman in college and most parents finally give up and join reality when it comes down to drinking by that age. Her dad must have been a dork back in his day.

To everybody saying the father is overprotective. Let’s get some more info here. Ray, how old are you? What were you doing when you got caught? were you driving down the road with a 40 in hand or were you in your own backyard at your parents’ BBQ? As a father of 3 girls who is both very religious and morally strict I would do the same thing her father did. Circumstances would dictate how long I stayed mad. Example: If you are 14 and my daughter is 13 and I see you riding in a car with 4 of your homies, all drinking beer, you might as well plan on seeing my daughter at school between classes and that’s it, end of story. However if you are 18 and my daughter is 18, and I see you drinking a beer by the pool after cutting grass all day for senior citizens, I would cut you some slack. But you had better have the balls to face the music like a man, show remorse, respect, and patience or I would consider you an immature punk and send you on your way. In other words, show some class, bide your time, get a hobby, and learn from your mistake. I will give you a lot of credit for accepting responsibilty for your actions. That alone shows me you are on the right track!

her dad seems to be a closeminded fuck. i say try the talk it out once, if it doesnt work, jsut go behind his back. THE WORST he can do is put a restraining order on you which doestn really seem likely

D, my daughters just got out teenagehood within the last two years. As a father who was more strict than their friend’s fathers, I’ll fill you in on a father’s point of view. Sure, I know my daughters were drinking, etc, but I made a point to tell them it was not acceptable in my household; one because it was unlawful, and two; I loved them too much to want to get a nighttime phonecall from the police telling me they were in the hospital because some moron boyfriend was DUI and crashed the car. I remember the stupid things I did under the influence as teenager that could have caused personal injury or death. One of daughters decided to get in her mother’s face about not being allowed to “choose my friends, eyc,etc,…I’ll do what I want…”, she did this many times, calling her mother profane names.So, in her senior year of high school,I threw her out of my home onto the street. She had to live with her boyfriend’s grandmother to finish H.S. If your gf’s parents really love her and want the best for her, they will lay down rules for her behaviour. You won’t like those rules, but tough stuff. Maybe her parents desire for their daughter grow up alive and not be bringing home any grandchildren before the wedding. Try looking at it from a father’s point of view; would you want your daughter dating you?

Uh, so he should just knowingly let his underage daughter date an underage someone who is going to be drinking? If he’s going to say it’s perfectly fine that her boyfriend drinks how could he logically say she can’t until she’s of age? I would have forbidden her to date him too. Maybe, if he came up to me later like a man and swore to me that he would not drink while dating my daughter (until legal), I’d change my mind. There are the legal issues, the relaxing of inhibitions, and issues of safety to be considered by a father. After all, he’d damn sure like to see her not being picked up by police, pregnant after a druken sexual escapade, or dead in a drunk driving accident. Some of you sound like you have this idea that parents are just there to pay the mortgage, feed you, and leave you alone. Doesn’t work like that. My advise? Swear off drinking to her father, and mean it. If you can’t do that than move on. What impressed me about your post is how you didn’t blame the father. Drax, if she lives with her parents, they do have the right. When she moves out, different story.

get over it… move on… teenage love doesn’t last… if you two were to stay together, there’s a 99% chace you all would end by college, if not before then… go out, have fun… sew oats

Defex, you seem to have a knack to screw things up and piss people off. Start thinking with your head for a change. Go to her father and explain that you were kidnapped and forced at knifepoint to drink that skanky beer; otherwise liquor would have never touched your lips. It was just the thought of his daughter that gave you the strength to fight off all 7 of these homies and escape. Then tell him that you made a mistake and will never get kidnapped again and maybe, just maybe, he will give you a second chance or third or fourth or whatever. Go for it Defex. Make Tdom proud.

Well, I guess the dad’s have all spoken up! I too have daughters and don’t like the idea of them drinking under age, but I know that forbiding them to see certain people only fuels the desire to do so. In this case, I guess the girl is listening to her dad. That should tell you something about how much she wants to be with you, Defex. However, believing that simply telling your teen they can’t see someone is going to solve anything is wrong. They will sneak out and do it anyway. Best to have open communication and understanding. They will make mistakes, but hopefully not too many of them. And no, I don’t like the idea of my daughters drinking at teen parties, either, but you can’t lock them up. You have to hope that the moral, responsible upbringing you have given them will come to mind when they need to make decisions. And you must allow them to make their own decisions, or they will rebel big time. Mind you, I am not speaking about 13 and 14-year old kids here. At that age, parental intervention is crucial. After that, a little letting go of the leash is very important. Generally, if you let them be responsible, they will be–if you have done your part as a parent and parented well.

You actually sound not so cool!

I say call her daddy, act disappointed, and say something along the lines of “I am real sorry, and know that I did something to cause you to lose faith in me, but it’s really hard for me to give up the staedy tail I have been hitten 4-5x/week, and the hummer’s I get when Aunt Flo is in town”

Thanks for all your advice.

I’ve taken the initiative and written him a letter. She’s giving it to him when he gets home from work today. I hope it goes well. In it I explained to him this wasn’t something I do on a normal basis, and I’d never dream of doing it around his daughter, or influencing her to do the same. I explained how positive we’ve both been on each other’s lives in the past year or so. I asked for him to forgive me, understand the situation, and let us continue to communicate. I hope it works out. If it doesn’t, I don’t see what else I can do. Thanks again. -D

Good Luck…It sounds like you handled the situation the best you could.

I’ve never had any daughters…well i’ve had some, but never raised any. And I think you’re crazy to take advice from all these old fogies. Every guy wants any excuse to keep his daughter away from men. Your mission, to nail the daughters without him finding out. So who cares if he sees you pounding a beer. If she tells you that it is over, then she is not really your girl. She should have said “We’ll have to sneak around now, dumbass.” Well now that you’ve been a puss, and written that letter, I’d recommend banging the girl, never talking to her again, and doing some donuts on this dudes lawn with your car. Then go get a beer. You rule.