T Nation

Advice? Stressed. My Coping Skills Toolkit is Empty


Just got home from visiting my grandmother in memory care. Had to help convince her to take meds, let the nurses clean her, feed her…I HAD to be the adult and she was yelling and calling me names. Today is a rest day, I have been crying because I know that is not really her. Yeah, I really wanna go to the gym when I look like rocky my eyes are so puffy lol. Hey, at least I laughed and am kinda laughing at even posting this. But I feel like I want to punch or break something…any advice…and I can’t drink alcohol :cold_sweat:


Whats wrong with feeling bad for a little while and crying?


My father past away about a year ago of dementia at 69. The last 5 years were very hard in many ways. My mom placed him only a few months before he pasted.
Some days I wanted to knock some sense into him. Some day I got in argument about placing him with my mom. Or had to watch my brother do the same.

I was very hard. I was so frustrated and drained.
Lifting some heavy stuff to let go of the frustration can be very good. I actually, one day, chain saw a few trees out of frustration. Best therapy ever.

The sad point is that it does not get better. Understand that the person you loved is now a new one. I lost my father twice, when he got sick enough that he was no who he used to be and a second time when he died.

Accepting and not taking it personal. But not fun



  1. Go into basement.
  2. Primal fucking scream. Scream at a wall or object like you’re trying to pulverize it with your voice.

Or split firewood.


Rip the gym up, watch a comedy then go out with my man-whore bestie to hunt down some skanks


Make firewood seem to be winning


Wouldnt it be funny if she lived in some super urban area? Just strolling through central park felling trees with a Fiskars axe. Flannel required of course.


I live where the homeowners association cites you if you have a weed in your yard lol. No, seriously, it’s so bad you are required to have a certain amount of trees in your front yard. Thanks for all your responses!!! I husband has a hockey tarp, plexiglass shooting thing in the garage. I sawed off the top of one of his Oder sticks…never played before and started shooting like I was on meth or something while blaring Iron Maiden. I’ll get a letter from my hoa and yes, after many bad shots I started beating the crap outta the stick. Ah, the insanity helped. My “active” rest day lol. It was 80 here yesterday and was in garage so I came in house and looked like a deranged person cuz I was in nice clothes sweaty with makeup running. Should’ve taken a selfie. Still hurts, but I got outa lot of anger. I know it’s a part of life but damn. Again ty for responses. I felt so powerless! And I like to feel in control because I used to be so self destructive. But I tore some shit up yesterday. Today I’m gonna do a hiit cuz my hands are a little tore up…I should’ve been wearing my pink lifting gloves lol or my garden gloves or my dish cleaning gloves or my cleaning with bleach disposable gloves…wait, I just realized I have a lot of gloves. Oh and winter knit gloves to match my beanies in case I’m cold…oh, and my beloved Chicago Blackhawks mittens…hmmm.


Cuz I’ve always viewed tears as minupulation…


You could always try using them the way they are intended.

Regular emotional responses are coping mechanisms. From what you’ve written previously, it sounds like you have a lot of problems with those. I can relate to that. I’ve had and have all kinds of problems with emotions and responses.

An old buddy of mine had a really serious brain injury (skull cap removed to relieve swelling, long term coma- virtually no chance of survival). I said a prayer and bawled my eyes out, because I just lost my friend. Miraculously, he recovered. I got my friend back. I jumped for joy and the tears flowed again. So did everybody else. Just like normal people.


Really insightful stuff there.

There’s a difference between tears as a normal response to a stressful, possibly devastating emotional situation (fine) and tears as manipulation (ex. rich teenage girl crying to avoid a speeding ticket - I grew up in a wealthy, predominantly white suburban community and I think every single girl in my high school class had been pulled over & cried their way out of a speeding ticket by the time they turned 18; it may have actually been a requirement to graduate).

OP, I’m sorry for your difficulty, and all I can suggest as Skyzyk and Basement already have is to a) let yourself cry at least a bit and b) find that physical outlet like chopping wood or something.


Cool post but my dr agreed that with my anxiety I neeed to expunge it and as you said, not take inward. I’m angry that I let myself get hurt. Crying is a sign of weakness and manipulation. I’d get spanked if I cried growing up. If I cried more the wooden paddle with holes would come out. I really have,as an adult distance myself from them. Self destructive behaviors in my family are the norm. I have to get the anger out or it will eat at me. I didn’t hurt anyone and don’t have to worry about a child see my aggression. Breathing techniques etc don’t “work” for me. I realize I’m seeking validation in this and other posts. I’m a survivor and have overcome many obstacles from my inner strength and courage. I realize I don’t need that. I’ve got my back. Thnx


Punishing a child for expressing frustration or tears is child abuse. That is very sad.

If you have a therapist who is aware of your issues, childhood abuse, and so forth… That’s better than strangers on the internet. I’d recommend copying the things you’ve written in this thread, and also the issues you discussed with Emily in PW about conflicts with other women regarding perceptions of your appearance. There seems to be a lot of drama, coping with various issues, going on in your life right now.

Happy to talk lifting in the future, but other than give you some general information above, I’ll step away from any advice or validation for relationship or mental health issues. None of us know you well enough to give personal advice, and it seems to be a fairly complicated history.

All best,


Np. Yes tend to seek validation. Yes, I see I’m in both mindfulness and cognitive therapy, have a psychiatrist, a cardiologist, and a nutritionist. If you knew where I came from and how was treated, you’d do free ekgs like my cardio out of pity,too. My purpose I feel is to empower others who were never wanted as a child, had no stability, developed self destructive habits…but then said enough. You hit rock bottom and realize you only have so much energy in a day…so what do you want to spend your time doing. I understand where your coming from, but from where I came and was treated, you’d be in awe.

There is life outside of the safe “bubble” and I have been tapping into it. I’m not meaning to be combative, but rent a friends don’t always understand. Yes, the fact that I laugh at stuffed animals cuz the can’t hug back is an issue. But not life threatening. Talking with the world is what project 375 is all about. Yet, haven’t felt ready to talk about it. Wear neon and be proud and don’t let the stigma keep you from being happy.

Again not being combative, I’ve said advice is appreciated many times. I am a sponge…I like to see what does and does not work for people. I understand your opinion to shut that door, but have you looked at the mortality rate of anorexics, and I’ve fought and fought and didn’t listen to those who had no faith in me. As master yoda says, do or do not there is no try. My past is my past…I hope to grow mentally, emotionally and physically. Reaching out for help and growth is a good thing…you receive feedback and then look at what you said and realize their perception. It helps you grow! Shout out to those who fight to survive and surpass everyone’s expectations of them! Your voice is important!


Np. I’m past being in high school…had that mindset for too long. I understand boundaries and what you can and cannot do. As I’ve said advice is always appreciated. I know where my strength comes and that’s from within. I don’t advertise my real accomplishments. I’m suffer from a disability, too. I stood on that paraolympics stand and did it with tears in my eyes. I am a survivor


Did anyone read the text messages between the two brothers during the Parkland school shooting? I was sitting in my work breakroom and had about a dozen fat, wet tears hit the table in front of me before I was able to pull myself together.

I regularly tell my team there’s room for crying at work. There isn’t room for apathy or laziness, though.


For anyone that is interested. Slept on it and wondered if you guys even know what it is. Mind over matter.


Others I know have problems, too. So, I thought I’d provide a link because based on many posts, I’m not the only one trying to accept who they are or wouldn’t be here for guidance.


Oh shit, I am sorry for you, and know exactly (well, not exactly) how you feel. Both my wife and I have family (my grandmother and both my wife’s parents) who have just gone into memory care.

My grandmother thinks the Nazis are coming for her again and she is back in a camp. One of her nurses is a Russian immigrant to Israel and my Bubbe thinks she is German. The nurse just sucks up abuse like you’ve never seen. She says they all do it to her.

It’s total fucking hell.

I admit to throwing myself into my family, kids, workouts, and synagogue full force, largely as a distraction. And wine to the point that I went on the wagon last night because I was getting fat (for me) and it was screwing with my sleep.

I am ashamed to say I’ve prayed for early and peaceful deaths, it is so awful.

I’d like to sugar coat this, but there will be good days and bad days, but the good days will each be not as good as the last and the bad days worse.

My religion has truly helped me; perhaps that is a choice for you.

Otherwise, you have to power your way through it by yourself.

If it comforts you, just know there are hundreds of thousands of people going through rough equivalents all at the same time and they somehow muddle through.


You’re going to lose your macho image. Must be the drain cleaner.