T Nation

Advice part deux

Hey guys, I need some advice. T-men have come through for me before and I’m sure you will again. OK, here’s the deal: I have a female friend that I’ve known for 2 years now. We met at work but she transferred to the home office so it’s not like this would lead into an office relationship. She’s funny and cool, interesting, whatever. I think I might have a thing for her but maybe its so shrouded in “friendship” that I don’t know. We’ve got some things in common and get along fairly well. I’m 26 and havent had a real relationship since college so it is not like anyone is holding me back per se. She’s single too and as far as I know not interested in anyone. (She and I talk a lot, I think I know her well.) I do not know why its never gone farther than friends I mean I don’t overtly flirt but neither does she. I want to kind of start hanging out or whatever but I can’t tell if she digs me at all. Like I was at a party with her and this girl started looking over at me and she told me to go for it so I figure if she’s trying to get me to talk to other girls then maybe she’s just keeping it platonic. But I tell her to go after guys at bars that try to mack on her but I have a thing for her. I know I’m being a huge pussy about this but this girl is one of my best friends and I don’t want to screw up a good thing.

There is always a danger of messing up a really good friendship if a possible relationship doesn’t work out. There is always a danger of messing up a really good friendship if one of the parties has expectations that the other doesn’t. Then the friendship becomes awkward. However, if you think you do have a thing for her and want to give it a whirl, you shouldn’t hold yourself back. It may work out really well, or if not, you might be able to keep on being good friends afterwards. It has happened. The fact that she is telling you to hit on other women is not necessarily an indication that she is not into you. Many women will hold back their interest until they get a sense that the guy is into them. Despite women’s lib and all that jazz, many women are still reluctant to make the first move. They feel it is the guy’s place to do that. So, until you do, she will probably go on thinking that you only want to be friends. How she feels will only be evident once you make some kind of move. It may work out really well, or it may not. But life is full of taking risks, and if you don’t, then you really aren’t living. Good luck. I hope it works out for you!

Dude I was in the same situation, and I came right out and asked her out, and I went throuh the same shit at parties and bars, she just want to know where she stands with you, If it ever comes up again and she says go after that girl , tell her that you are already chasing a girl, then out up to her she will respect you and thingswill fall into place. As for me I ended up wit this girl for seven years, we broke up because she wanted to get married. Sorry but I do not want to get married or have any kids, but seven years no regrets. Good luck and go for your!

I don’t know you or her, but I have a strong feeling that trying to hook up with her might be a waste of time. If she wanted a relationship with you or even had a thought about that in the back of her mind, she would not be too enthusiastic about you hitting on other women. I do not believe in male-female friendships (neither do I believe in Tooth Fairy ;-), but if you like her as a friend I’d suggest to keep an eye open on the possibility of relationship with her if she makes her first move, but concentrate more on other women. Of course, there is the “you got nothing to lose” theory, but I do not believe in it either. My ego is too important to me. :slight_smile:

Take her out for a drink, get pissed, take a load of coke and fuck her brains out.
Ask her how she feels the next day

Goldberg, is that you?? Just ask her out dude!! What do you have to loose but your dignity (and a good friend). J/K…Tell her how you feel and maybe she feels the same way and you guys start bangin’ like jack rabbits!!!

I have opposing feelings, which won’t help you at all…on one hand, what’s life without taking a few risks? On the other hand, a hot female friend can introduce you to far more of her hot female friends than a girlfriend ever would :slight_smile:

I think Paul has the best advice…Otherwise you’d be a fool to persue the enevitable. If you spend enough time with her, you will eventually dong her. That’s just nature, one day you will both be caught in the same mood at the same time , maybe have a few drinks and a pregnancy test the next day. Otherwise if you want her, load her up and drill her and knock off the flim-flam.