[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I forgot what his real name is.[/quote]
They call him Macaroni.
[/quote]
Feather in his cap?[/quote]
There would have been had he set off the lunk alarm.
1/ Let the emotions go
2/ Start to flirt other women preventively (get a plan B)
3/ Let time do its shit
4/ Watch her come back or vanish
5/ Start to think that texting other people is not always a deal breaker and can be talked through
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
[/quote]
About as on-point as one can be.
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
That pic on linked must be ten years old. After seeing the FB pic I am having doubts about whether or not this thing got physical. I am 49 and she is ten years younger. Plus, she is a beautiful blonde with a killer body. I am thinking about asking her to sit down with me and go over the phone bill from April (when he started work) until now. I hate to throw marriage away without being sure.
Or, is it just my ego having trouble admitting she chose that dude over me?[/quote]
I wouldn’t let looks get in the way. Mick Jagger gets laid like the rent gets paid and he is one ugly dude.
Female infidelity is seldom about physical attraction, it’s more about vengeance…
All ol’ Jay had to do is pray on her emotions, make her feel beautiful and important and not be you.
You don’t throw the marriage out the window, but she is not telling you the truth. Your gut knows it. Hell, there actually may be layers of deception designed to throw you off the trail.
Is your wife, by chance a self proclaimed “Strong woman”?
[quote]RootX wrote:
1/ Let the emotions go
2/ Start to flirt other women preventively (get a plan B)
3/ Let time do its shit
4/ Watch her come back or vanish
5/ Start to think that texting other people is not always a deal breaker and can be talked through
[/quote]
Time is an important factor. If she becomes increasingly combative, problem. If she says shit like ‘Let it go’, or ‘God forgives me, why can’t you’- big problem.
If she shows contrition and is doing what she is supposed to, to save her marriage, then you got something to work with.
I cannot stress enough, you need a good, strong marriage counselor. You are not going to be able to do this alone. And this counseling needs to start immediately if you want to save this marriage.
I recommend against female counselors at this point. Don’t get me wrong, there are good ones, but it puts you at a higher risk to be made out to be the bad guy. Just in case, I’d go with male marriage counselors. It should be your choice anyway.
You choose the counselor not her. A trained eye can detect the lying. You’re going to get somewhere faster with counseling. You need closure, one way or another.
There is no shame in it, actually EVERY married person should see counselor at some point. Even when marriage is good, it’s still tough.
Get into counseling today. I favor Christian counseling, because they tend to cut through the bullshit faster, but if you’re not a Christian then well, see somebody. You just don’t want to get caught up in terminology and psycho babble, you want answers, and fast.
[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
I found out my wife has been texting and talking with her boss after hours. It’s been going on for about six weeks and she was hiding it from me. She says nothing hinky went on, that they were just friends and everything was above board. He has an EMT background and she is a nurse, so they had the medical field and those experiences in common.
She doesn’t have a lot of unaccounted for time, but they work twelve hour shifts together behind a security gate and she has a trailer, so who the hell knows. I love her, and i think she loves me, but when this broke i got drunk and told her to leave and we have been separated for a week. I want her, back but I don’t feel like I can trust her. [/quote]
Back to the original thing here guys… Some texting and convos, he got drunk and bounced her now a bunch of random dudes are blowing up some dudes shit… WTF if it was just a case of friendship now this guy has no chance of reconciliation & this Jay guy now has drama 4 no reason. Has anyone pulled there head out of their asses for 5 minutes to consider maybe they were just friends?? Too late now anyhow but I think harassing the guy should stop…
T rave if yur out there let this one burn go to the strip club get fucked up and make it rain on some single moms. Go have some fun enjoy being single. If your the type of dude that is on high alert & 4 ever jeolouse just be single. Being single and dating is ok… Friday is tomorrow go have fun & stop the madness.[/quote]
Or you can take this option and consider your marriage over.
[quote]2busy wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]2busy wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
And the comments about nurses are dead on.[/quote]
So…
What I learned is that I should have asked the redhead nurse out on a date.
[/quote]
I thought maybe that had already happened?
But yes, nurses are notoriously horny. That can be a good thing.[/quote]
No nurses yet.
Noted about horny nurses.
Maybe I need to go back to the hospital…
[/quote]
Ok, I can concur on the horny nurse comments now.
However, they are not insatiable.
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.[/quote]
Au contraire mon frere 
Two things:
- Women are NEVER 100% happy - there is always a chink in that armor which can be exploited.
2)Women make emotionally based decisions. Emotion can me manipulated.
Given these two FACTS, it is possible that when the stars properly align, a window of cheating potential CAN (and often does) get exploited.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
a happy woman.[/quote]
Does not compute
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
a happy woman.[/quote]
Does not compute[/quote]
lol
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.[/quote]
Au contraire mon frere
Two things:
- Women are NEVER 100% happy - there is always a chink in that armor which can be exploited.
2)Women make emotionally based decisions. Emotion can me manipulated.
Given these two FACTS, it is possible that when the stars properly align, a window of cheating potential CAN (and often does) get exploited.
[/quote]
Ok, so happy is a bit of a stretch. But I concur that when I’m with a man and my love is being acknowledged and appreciated, I don’t even look at anyone else, much less engage them.
But how about this - when you have more than one child you love them both, differently but equally, yes? Why can’t you love more than one person? Who decided that love was in limited supply, that you only have so much to give, and in order to love another person you have to take your love away from someone else? That’s not real love, it’s “conditional emotional investment”.
[quote]theBeth wrote:
Ok, so happy is a bit of a stretch. But I concur that when I’m with a man and my love is being acknowledged and appreciated, I don’t even look at anyone else, much less engage them.
But how about this - when you have more than one child you love them both, differently but equally, yes? Why can’t you love more than one person? Who decided that love was in limited supply, that you only have so much to give, and in order to love another person you have to take your love away from someone else? That’s not real love, it’s “conditional emotional investment”. [/quote]
Okay I was kidding before, but this honestly does not compute.
Real love is a conditional emotional investment. Giving it to two people at once is merely a betrayal to them both. At least from a man’s perspective. Whatever God created the male brain didn’t program an option for him to be okay with his partner loving someone else at the same time. In fact he hard wired in the urge to enact a brutal Viking death on the other male in such cases.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.[/quote]
Au contraire mon frere
Two things:
- Women are NEVER 100% happy - there is always a chink in that armor which can be exploited.
2)Women make emotionally based decisions. Emotion can me manipulated.
Given these two FACTS, it is possible that when the stars properly align, a window of cheating potential CAN (and often does) get exploited.
[/quote]
NO ONE is ever 100% happy, but only a child expects to be.
Personally, I would not want a man who wanted me knowing I was committed to someone else. Obviously you’ve met some women who feel differently, but that’s a skewed sample.
I believe that my mind is responsible for the guidelines within which my emotions are allowed free rein. All major life issues work this way: I don’t go to bars and leave children out in the car. I don’t simply blow off work, I call in sick if need be and make sure nothing essential is missed in so doing. I don’t overspend.
Relationships are the same way. I don’t cheat, period. It doesn’t matter about opportunity; I value my integrity more than the highs I can presumably get from exciting men looking for cheating woman.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]theBeth wrote:
Ok, so happy is a bit of a stretch. But I concur that when I’m with a man and my love is being acknowledged and appreciated, I don’t even look at anyone else, much less engage them.
But how about this - when you have more than one child you love them both, differently but equally, yes? Why can’t you love more than one person? Who decided that love was in limited supply, that you only have so much to give, and in order to love another person you have to take your love away from someone else? That’s not real love, it’s “conditional emotional investment”. [/quote]
Okay I was kidding before, but this honestly does not compute.
Real love is a conditional emotional investment. Giving it to two people at once is merely a betrayal to them both. At least from a man’s perspective. Whatever God created the male brain didn’t program an option for him to be okay with his partner loving someone else at the same time. In fact he hard wired in the urge to enact a brutal Viking death on the other male in such cases.[/quote]
I concur.
You cannot equate the love for your multiple children with multiple romantic, companionship goals. One will ultimately be given less and I would not want that for my children. You cannot serve two masters.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.[/quote]
Au contraire mon frere
Two things:
- Women are NEVER 100% happy - there is always a chink in that armor which can be exploited.
2)Women make emotionally based decisions. Emotion can me manipulated.
Given these two FACTS, it is possible that when the stars properly align, a window of cheating potential CAN (and often does) get exploited.
[/quote]
NO ONE is ever 100% happy, but only a child expects to be.
[/quote]Plenty of women out there with that childish expectation who “want the fairy tale” - ESPECIALLY the attractive ones, as they feel they “deserve” it. [quote]
Personally, I would not want a man who wanted me knowing I was committed to someone else. Obviously you’ve met some women who feel differently, but that’s a skewed sample.
[/quote]LOL at my “skewed sample”. We’ve covered this ground before, hon. And the criteria for a man wanting a woman has NOTHING to do with her availability, or lack thereof. Rather it has more to do with her hip to waist ratio, her tits and her facial symmetry. MANY (not all of course) women WANT to feel WANTED. And they don’t get that from their husbands. The old saying “for every hawt supermodel you see, I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of her shit”, is VERY VERY true. Women, especially attractive women, are particularly vulnerable. Especially as they get a little older. MANY (not all) lack the self esteem to age gracefully and make “mistakes” (that they later sweep under the rug, justify and confabulate away) to fill their emotional needs. [quote]
I believe that my mind is responsible for the guidelines within which my emotions are allowed free rein. All major life issues work this way: I don’t go to bars and leave children out in the car. I don’t simply blow off work, I call in sick if need be and make sure nothing essential is missed in so doing. I don’t overspend.
[/quote]I assure you, Em, that my mental image of you, gathered through several years of online interaction, is the EPITOME of responsibility and frugality. With a bit of sexy and “responsible excess” thrown in there for good measure. As for your mental guidelines that contain your emotions, methinks you are overestimating yourself a little (predictably and adorably so I might add)… You are a woman, not a robot.[quote]
Relationships are the same way. I don’t cheat, period. It doesn’t matter about opportunity; I value my integrity more than the highs I can presumably get from exciting men looking for cheating woman.
[/quote]
I believe you. I know that your integrity would NEVER allow you to go out with the intention of cheating. But one can never say with absolute certainty what one would or would not do when the fell clutch of circumstance raises it’s ugly head.
But as I’ve said before over the years of our respectful debates about the sexes, MY experience has been with many woman who’s actions have often not been in lockstep with their “proclaimed values”. Maybe you’re different, maybe you’re not, but until you’ve spent eight hours with a man of exceptional understanding with opportunity present, I don’t think you can say for sure. I know what you can “SAY”. But we’ll never know what you’d “DO”. No matter what you’re intellect (prefrontal cortex) tells you, your emotions (deep limbic system) and instincts (amygdala) are what’s really running the show. Deny it all you want. But every man who understands women and understands seduction KNOWS this to be true. YOU (your conscious mind) is NOT who we are communicating with, I assure you.
This also has nothing to do with your integrity. You, as a woman, would be absolutely operating entirely within your biological/evolutionary programing. If the right switches get flipped, in the right sequence and with the right intensity, it’s like opening a complex combination lock - the legs just magically open…
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I don’t think Jay is sleeping well. He told Raven he’s divorced yet in his facebook picture he’s with a woman who is most likely his wife (probably the older one). This means he’s scared Raven will talk to his wife. It’s also a tip off to guilt.[/quote]
Whether he’s married or not, the main guilty party here is OP’s wife. She’s the one who strayed. (Or didn’t. Op has no proof anyway…) A woman who values her marriage will reject flirting/sex advances.
Like I said, it’s always easy to go for whoever '‘stole’'your other half, but it achieves nothing when your relationship was already in trouble.
[/quote]
Yes, EXACTLY. Male advances have no power over a happy woman.[/quote]
Au contraire mon frere
Two things:
- Women are NEVER 100% happy - there is always a chink in that armor which can be exploited.
2)Women make emotionally based decisions. Emotion can me manipulated.
Given these two FACTS, it is possible that when the stars properly align, a window of cheating potential CAN (and often does) get exploited.
[/quote]
NO ONE is ever 100% happy, but only a child expects to be.
[/quote]Plenty of women out there with that childish expectation who “want the fairy tale” - ESPECIALLY the attractive ones, as they feel they “deserve” it. [quote]
Personally, I would not want a man who wanted me knowing I was committed to someone else. Obviously you’ve met some women who feel differently, but that’s a skewed sample.
[/quote]LOL at my “skewed sample”. We’ve covered this ground before, hon. And the criteria for a man wanting a woman has NOTHING to do with her availability, or lack thereof. Rather it has more to do with her hip to waist ratio, her tits and her facial symmetry. MANY (not all of course) women WANT to feel WANTED. And they don’t get that from their husbands. The old saying “for every hawt supermodel you see, I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of her shit”, is VERY VERY true. Women, especially attractive women, are particularly vulnerable. Especially as they get a little older. MANY (not all) lack the self esteem to age gracefully and make “mistakes” (that they later sweep under the rug, justify and confabulate away) to fill their emotional needs. [quote]
I believe that my mind is responsible for the guidelines within which my emotions are allowed free rein. All major life issues work this way: I don’t go to bars and leave children out in the car. I don’t simply blow off work, I call in sick if need be and make sure nothing essential is missed in so doing. I don’t overspend.
[/quote]I assure you, Em, that my mental image of you, gathered through several years of online interaction, is the EPITOME of responsibility and frugality. With a bit of sexy and “responsible excess” thrown in there for good measure. As for your mental guidelines that contain your emotions, methinks you are overestimating yourself a little (predictably and adorably so I might add)… You are a woman, not a robot.[quote]
Relationships are the same way. I don’t cheat, period. It doesn’t matter about opportunity; I value my integrity more than the highs I can presumably get from exciting men looking for cheating woman.
[/quote]
I believe you. I know that your integrity would NEVER allow you to go out with the intention of cheating. But one can never say with absolute certainty what one would or would not do when the fell clutch of circumstance raises it’s ugly head.
But as I’ve said before over the years of our respectful debates about the sexes, MY experience has been with many woman who’s actions have often not been in lockstep with their “proclaimed values”. Maybe you’re different, maybe you’re not, but until you’ve spent eight hours with a man of exceptional understanding with opportunity present, I don’t think you can say for sure. I know what you can “SAY”. But we’ll never know what you’d “DO”. No matter what you’re intellect (prefrontal cortex) tells you, your emotions (deep limbic system) and instincts (amygdala) are what’s really running the show. Deny it all you want. But every man who understands women and understands seduction KNOWS this to be true. YOU (your conscious mind) is NOT who we are communicating with, I assure you.
This also has nothing to do with your integrity. You, as a woman, would be absolutely operating entirely within your biological/evolutionary programing. If the right switches get flipped, in the right sequence and with the right intensity, it’s like opening a complex combination lock - the legs just magically open…[/quote]
It has to do with all sorts of things that start with my integrity and the decisions I make about life. I curb my instincts and drives continually, it is necessary to do so in order to live a fulfilled life. Hunger, sleep, sex – all of these must be repressed to one degree or another if I want to look the way I want to look; perform optimally at work, home, and in the gym; and maintain the quality of intimate relationships I feel I need.
I also believe that if other men can so easily turn my head, I am with the wrong man and my next set of decisions needs to be the consideration of change on that front. THEN, perhaps a return to the man with the mad seduction skillz.
Oh, and this:
Men too! There are all sorts of silly immature men out there, petulantly bemoaning that they can’t have what they want! And not all of them are good looking.