T Nation

Advice on Teen Son

Apparently my 15 year old son has been submitting sex-stories to a yahoo group. Obviously She Say and I didn’t know about this. He’s getting email such as spam like ‘50 year old man lonely in FLA’ (we’re assuming it’s spam) and more personal email from people saying they love his stories and offering advice on what to put in the next stories.

For those of you that know me primarily from SAMA and Get a Life you might think I’d be OK with this, but I’m really quite conservative. I’m looking for advice on what to do about this situation. I don’t want to overreact and I don’t want to embarrass him, but I don’t want some old man posing as ‘meg’ to show up at my house one day.

Thanks.

Complete computer Lock down…

by 15 kid should know enough about personal security…

I agree with Null, but I think some discussion is in order. Serious, serious, discussion. I’m only 17 so I’m not some parenting expert obviously, but if you just lock him out from the computer and leave it at that, he’ll just get pissed and find someway to justify it in his head (I’ve done that a lot).

I’m not sure how, but after you establish all the punishments you gotta really sit him down and let him know how big a deal this is. It probably won’t seem like he’s listening, because we’re too proud to admit defeat, but he is. Knowing that you’ve let your dad down hurts, we just won’t show it.

I feel for you, I have 5 teenagers right now between 14 and 19. Personally I think they are all fucking brain damaged. Well to be fair one of them has Downs and he is the best kid of them all. Teenagers today really lack in real world knowledge, they live in a computer age where they do not think someone will show up at there door. (See this website). They feel protected and separated and it fosters this type of behavior. I had to come down on my 16 year old daughter for doing stupid shit on facebook and myspace. Like name address etc.

Thanks for all the replies so far. I appreciate the help.

Sen-

Have you seen the stories? Are they explicit/graphic? Het/homo? Just asking to get a level of where this is. Is it ‘normal’ sex stuff or are you worried about the perversion level (for lack of a better term) or just the safety and general inappropriateness of it?

This is a tough one. Things are the same but different from when we were young. I had magazines, from the old man’s stash and he knew I got into them. I got my wrist slapped. It’s what young boys do-- think about sex (edit: I don’t mean this to sound like I’m condoning it). I was dating a 20 year old and playing gigs in bars when I was 15 and the folks weren’t happy about that shit.

The difference is the ‘real timeness’ of the Internet. There’s real safety issues there. Beyond the sex stuff, is he aware of the safety issues?

Have you had ‘the talk’ with him?

Good luck.

On a positive note it sounds like your son is a good writer. Just needs to focus his efforts in another direction. (looking for a silverlining in all of this for you)

[quote]DJHT wrote:
I have 5 teenagers right now between 14 and 19. [/quote] you poor bastard.

sen, i have to agree with the others that have chimed in. even though it’s going to embarass the hell out of him (maybe leave she-say out so it’s man to man), you’re going to have to talk to him about it sooner rather than later. kids now spend so much of their lives in a virtual environment that they almost forget that the avatars they’re talking to are real people who live in the real world. it’s all to common for them to not realize that there might be real world consequences for they’re virtual actions.

Sit him down, tell him you found it and ask him what he was up to/ why did he post it.

Tell him its a problem because its about sex and you worry about security.

Depending on how he reacts, either ban him completely (with the understanding that Enray is right and that he might find other ways to get on the net) or if he’s embarrassed, tell him he can still use the computer but that you’ll be checking his accounts every once in a while. Or take it away for a bit and let him back on with limitations.

If he keeps doing it, take away everything he holds dear or at least the computer/phone/video games.

Might be a good idea to keep it “man to man.” He might be mortified if he thinks his mom is going to find out. You can probably use that to your advantage. (Also, the big danger is that he found your SAMA stories and was inspired. You might need to be ready to explain that).

good luck

[quote]al38 wrote:
(Also, the big danger is that he found your SAMA stories and was inspired. You might need to be ready to explain that).
[/quote]

This.

On a lighter note, I remember when I was about 17, my dad, as I was smoking in the garage (he knew I smoked and made me smoke outside) came out and lit up a cigarette and proceeded to tell me that I should quit that because it’s not good for me.

Now, imagine me, long haired (like halfway down my back long), probably had eyeliner on, trench coat, boots, looking at him and responding “Uh, yeah dad”.

Military School, then straight to the Marines.

you should probably beat him with a stick as well.

oh, yeah, that whole “talking to him” thing sounds good too, after the beating and before the military school. And make him do 5/3/1 so he doesn’t turn out like PeteS

Hetero…graphic…I think he’s actually got a serial going…it’s on a group called something like ‘mind control’…I tried to look at it, but get kinda creeped out…the one bit of his one story I read had aliens involved somehow…it’s basic teenaged boy stuff…I’m not really worried about the ‘content’…no violence or anything really weird…

It’s highly unlikely he saw a SAMA thing I’d written…I have a laptop no one else by She Say uses…it’s usually at work and/or locked up in my room.

I’m not worried about the perversion level…more the safety and the fact that he spends more time on this than cultivating real life friendships with teh ladiez…he had a girlfriend last fall/winter, but apparently she wasn’t very bright…really pretty girl, but he quit going on dates with her and texting when she became really, really busy with a dance group thing she was doing…she was the ‘aggressor’ in the relationship as far as we could tell…they went to the movies 3 or 4 times and spent time at our church youth group…I’m pretty positive nothing beyond a good-night hug took place.

I’m definitely going to talk to him mano-y-mano…will discuss particulars with She Say tonight and then address it. ‘The talk’ I’ve had with him has been ongoing for 8-10 years…just ask him if he has any questions and tell him to be respectful, etc…

Thanks guys. Any more advice is sincerely welcome.

And like Ecogenx said, I don’t want to stymie his career, but there’s gotta be a better outlet than a yahoo group :slight_smile:

Gotta admit, the other’s advice is better.

One caveat: if has violent or otherwise abusive content… Then help is in order.

2nd on the 5/3/1…

[quote]mjnewland wrote:
Military School, then straight to the Marines.

you should probably beat him with a stick as well.

oh, yeah, that whole “talking to him” thing sounds good too, after the beating and before the military school. And make him do 5/3/1 so he doesn’t turn out like PeteS[/quote]

Nice…I’m on it!

Here’s one of his stories…hope this doesn’t get this thrown into SAMA…this is the only one I’ve read…looking to see if anyone sees anything disturbed in this, or just typical teenage boy stuff:

	Candy Cones makes a New Friend

Girdershade, a small town about 3 hours from Emerald city by car

â??I see what you mean, Ms. Chaplain,â?? the lawyer said to Cynthia Chaplain. Three weeks ago her sister had broken off total contact with her, quit her job as a cop, and was now reportedly working as a stripper at a seedy night club. 
While Cynthiaâ??s lawyer, Alexis Brown, was saying this she was comparing the two pictures of Carla. In the first one it showed a professional cop, who was quite pretty with dirty blonde hair, a good figure, and a no-nonsense look on her face. The second showed a slutty stripper who was very busty and sexy, she had long platinum blonde hair, oversized breasts that made a dramatic arc with her bubble butt and long legs, and a â??bad girlâ?? look on her face as she danced around a pole.
â??Yes, I have no idea what happened. She was always so serious, almost feminist. I hired a P.I. who found out that the club is owned by a guy called Pedro, Pedro Juarez, a drug kingpin. I just donâ??t know what to do I-â?? Alexis interrupted Cynthiaâ??s pleas for help
â??Calm down Ms. Chaplain, Pedro Juarez is not above the law. I highly doubt that Carla did this of her own free will, I donâ??t know what kind of drugs he used, but this is not her,â?? Alexis held the picture up for emphasis, â??we are going to stop this bastard, understand?â??
â??Mmmhmm,â?? Cynthia rubbed tears from her eyes, â??just get my sister back.â??
â??I will, my flight leaves for Emerald city in an hour so I have to go,â?? Alexis grabbed her purse and rose from her desk,â?? Iâ??ll call you when I get there, and when I have a breakthrough on your sister.â??
â??O.K.,â?? Cynthia rose as well, having calmed herself, â??good luck Ms. Brown.â??
With that they both left the office, and Cynthia drove home. She checked her phone again, still no messages from her sister. She sighed and drove home. On the way she spotted a prostitute, wearing cheap makeup, tight clothing, but seemingly happy when a van drove up to her no doubt commissioning her for a â??night of funâ??. 
Cynthia scoffed, and drove on. She couldnâ??t bear to think that her sister had been turned into nothing better than that. Paid to fuck with anyone, and then giving most of it to her pimp Pedro, and-
She cut herself off, breaking down in tears. Gripping the steering wheel harder, blinking back tears she looked up to see the light change. She screamed loudly as she ran through the four-way intersection. Then an SUV bit the sedanâ??s bumper sending it pushing more into Cynthiaâ??s fragile Prius. 
â??AHHHHHHHH!â?? she shouted again, and instinctively reversed when she saw a big mustang braking frantically as it charged head on at her. It collided at half speed sending Cynthia back, and her seat belt snapped in place. The airbags deployed compressing the blow a bit as she reeled again at the windshield. 
Then all went dark, and the last thing she heard before that was the cheap hooker suggesting someone to call an ambulanceâ?¦ 

â??Its done Mr. Juarez,â?? Carlos said to Pedro â??the snakeâ?? Juarez. The drug kingpin was sitting casually in a leather backed armchair. In his right hand he held a glass of scotch that he took swigs of occasionally. At his feet Bambi was feverishly sucking his colossal member, trying to get as much of the 12â?? into her wet mouth as possible.
â??Good, that means no loose ends,â?? he took a small swig of scotch, â??send Tony up there to make sure sheâ??s out of the picture.â??
â??Right away sir,â?? Carlos obeyed and began to dial.
Carlos sighed, and began to increase his thrusts into Bambiâ??s mouth. He knew about the plot for awhile now, his grapevine extended very far. He reached down to his intercom to bring Candy in and tell her about his plans for the lawyer. He pictured her at his feet sucking just like Bambi was, and he felt a spike of pleasure at that and sprayed his cum into Bambiâ??s warm mouthâ?¦who, as always, swallowed hungrily.

Alexis Brown scanned Emerald City. She was mesmerized by its skyscrapers, restaurants, stores, theaters, but then remembered that there were two halves to the city. Down in the neon district, a much darker city awaited her. 
She sat calmly in her cab, confused at the cabbieâ??s unprofessional manner, and getting lost twice. She didnâ??t care though, and didnâ??t bother to switch cabs as he had said the ride would be free. So in her bliss she relaxed a bit. Alexis gazed out the window, the neon district made her want to barf.
20 dollar hookers lined the streets, men with pocketfuls of cash showed them bills and took them away into their cars. Sleezy con artists showed out of place tourists the â??best car insurance dealsâ??. Cheap muggers waited in back alleys side by side with the greasy rapists. 
Alexis scoffed, she couldnâ??t stand such trash. She had come from a very upper class family. She graduated law school quickly for her age, was very successful with it as well. But not with men, oftentimes they would mistreat her, or be threatened by her stunning success.
That wasnâ??t the only stunning aspect to her though. Light brown hair, that was tied up in a professional bun went with her little makeup. She had a professional white blouse on, and wore black form fitting jeans, both covering her ample breasts and shapely legs, respectively. All in all she was the epitome of a sexy woman, with a feminist streak in her.
She took a guilty pleasure from convicting men to long times in prison for their wrongdoings. Alexis often fought to have some in jail for life for domestic violence, and she couldnâ??t stand men taking advantage of women in anyway. All those thoughts clogged her brain and she silently cursed Pedroâ??s name. 
Meanwhile she didnâ??t notice the diver, Carlos, put on his face mask and release one of Pedroâ??s new drugs into the air. He took a wrong turn and angled to get around to the back of Dark Star.
â??Wuzzatâ?¦smellâ?¦â?? Alexis said, her world becoming colorful and alien to her eyes. She got dizzy and slumped over in her seat, not even noticing that they were going behind the popular club. 
â??Shhâ?¦â?? Carlos said and parked the car. He got out and opened up Alexisâ??s door, unbuckling her and carrying her over his shoulder.
â??Where areâ?¦we?â??she managed, confused and dazed at the unfamiliar surroundings. 
â??Shhâ?¦just go to sleepâ?¦â?? Carlos quieted her like a Mother would a little girl, and to add insult to injury patted her firm derrière. Alexis cooed and sank into slumber. Carlos grinned and walked into the clubs backstage area, he couldnâ??t wait to show Mr. Juarez his sexy prize.

Honestly? I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but that ain’t even half as bad as what I was expecting when I started reading your post.

Adult and inappropriate for a 15 year old to post in a sex forum? Absolutely.

However, it’s not too far removed from some of the steamier crime fiction novels or even some of the more adult themed sci-fi. It’s got a real pulp/noir feel to it.

If you posted those paragraphs without the background and asked “Guess who wrote this”, I might have guessed James Ellroy (LA Confidential, Black Dahlia, etc) or some similar modern noir author like Jason Starr (Twisted City, Tough Luck, …).

Ellroy excerpt (and this isn’t even close to where he goes):
http://www.barcelonareview.com/24/e_je.htm

Does your son read that kind of stuff?

Sorry- don’t know if that makes you feel better or not.

Your son has real talent at writing, you just need to help him channel it.

Nothing you can really do about taming his sexual urges and its probably not healthy to suppress him. Just do the best you can to make him realize women are not objects and should be treated with respect. (As for women who enjoy the object attention, that’s for another day. One step at a time.)

I had to do the same with my son and now that he’s 24, I’m proud of the way he treats women.

As for the internet, learn how to set up your router to filter sites/addresses. Some will let you set times of day on the filters if you want to unblock stuff like facebook after homework is done.

All of the above and…

Introduce him to weight training.

[quote]SteelyD wrote:
Honestly? I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but that ain’t even half as bad as what I was expecting when I started reading your post.

Adult and inappropriate for a 15 year old to post in a sex forum? Absolutely.

However, it’s not too far removed from some of the steamier crime fiction novels or even some of the more adult themed sci-fi. It’s got a real pulp/noir feel to it.

If you posted those paragraphs without the background and asked “Guess who wrote this”, I might have guessed James Ellroy (LA Confidential, Black Dahlia, etc) or some similar modern noir author like Jason Starr (Twisted City, Tough Luck, …).

Ellroy excerpt (and this isn’t even close to where he goes):
http://www.barcelonareview.com/24/e_je.htm

Does your son read that kind of stuff?

Sorry- don’t know if that makes you feel better or not.[/quote]

What he said. One of my degrees is in lit, I have published some stuff myself, and that was my focus in life before I realized I needed to make money here and now, not later (ok, I just wasn’t that good). For 15 he has a talent. Maybe redirect this into him maybe trying some writer’s workshops, don’t know about your area but there always these being run here by some washed up old poet or grad student needing to make ends meet. Turn a ‘negative’ into a ‘positive’.

And regards to Mr. Newland above, see my post in your new log. Also, block periodization (and understand it) or else…

Thanks guys. I half-posted it out of pride…I thought it was pretty good…he’s been writing since he was about 12…spent a lot of time submitting his non-steamy stories to smaller magazines and got tons of rejection letters, but a lot of nice notes…I’m thinking now he’s excited that he’s getting things ‘published’…even it if is in a yahoo group…

He lifts sporadically…has the attention span of most 15 year olds…just turned 15 last week…I usually go out and ‘spot’ him while he’s lifting if there’s something I need to talk with him about…so…tomorrow or Thursday I’ll get him out to the garage and talk to him.