T Nation

Advice For All of You Raging Libido Guys

I’ve been reading (and contributing) to some of these threads and it dawned on me that there is a common problem when it comes to us middle age guys who are on TRT, and seeing the results from it. That problem is that with your new found (or renewed) raging interest in sex, the wife just isn’t quite up to speed in that department.

While I have been called an “ill advised fool” when it comes to matters of TRT protocols and hormone optimization, and admittedly there is a shred of truth to that in some respects, the matters of love and life are where I truly have a ton of experience. I’m no guru mind you, but I have been married to the same woman for 24 years, and we still have a ravenous sex life! My wife and I enjoy each other almost daily, and sometimes more than twice a day. Now some of you may think that I’m just “lucky” to have that kind of woman. I assure you that luck has never been my friend. I have had to earn everything that I have ever gotten through the hardest means possible. I can promise you that, barring major marital problems that need to be addressed first, a little work on your part can turn things around for you… Hell, maybe this is an area where I can contribute to my fellow T-Nation brothers in a more productive way…Who knows? That being said, if you are having issues with your wife keeping up, the following may help you…I have a 2-3 day exercise for you…

Things you’ll need to get beforehand…(Wine, Warming Massage Oil, a couple of candles)

Day 1…

  1. When you get home from work, ask your wife if you can help her with supper, or better yet, fix her a glass of wine (pick up some on your way home if you don’t have any) and tell her you would like to cook supper for her and the kid(s) tonight. Regarding the wine, if your wife doesn’t drink wine often and doesn’t know what kind she likes, I would recommend a sweet Red or a Malbec.
  2. After supper, tell her that you want her to have another glass of wine and sit on the couch while you clean up, and then put the kid(s) to bed.
  3. Spend a few minutes after you’ve cleaned up with some mild chit-chat. You know, ask her how her day was and LISTEN while she talks. Don’t start complaining about your day. For her, it’s a safe zone to complain as much as she wants. For YOU, it’s a negativity free zone.
  4. Tell her that you don’t want her to take her bath/shower just yet. Get 3-4 clean towels and lay them out flat on her side of the bed. Light a few of those candles and turn the lights down, and put on some soft slow relaxing music. Bring her in the bedroom and start slowly undressing her. Kiss her softly while you’re doing this. Take your time. DO NOT ram your tongue down her throat!. Gentle is the key here. You want her to think that you are trying to prime her for sex, but we aren’t going there tonight…This is all about her. Even if she tries, calm her down and tell her to relax. Make sure she knows that you just want to do something special for her…
  5. Lay her down on the towels completely naked, and spend no less than one hour giving her a deep massage (please warm the oil first! You can do this by putting the bottle in a glass of warm water, or you can rub it in your hands vigorously before you put in on her skin) Front and back. Do NOT make any sexual advances here…control yourself! lol Keep you hands away from genitals and breasts. get close in a teasing manner, but don’t touch them.
  6. When you’re done, let her relax on the bed naked and finish her wine, or get her another glass if she wants it. You don’t want her drunk, just relaxed…
  7. Let her take her shower /bath and go to bed… No sex tonight remember?

Day 2.

  1. Go through your normal morning routine and act as if nothing special has happened. She will probably have a good smile on her face this morning and thank you for the evening. Just smile and say “You’re welcome baby. I thought you deserved a break.” and let it go at that.
  2. Around midday while you are at work, send her a text. Tell her you were thinking about last night. This is actually foreplay. The sexual desire of a woman starts in the mind…trust me here… Build this up very slowly, Don’t get sexual at first. Hint at it with things like, “I was thinking about my hands gliding over your body last night. How soft your skin felt. How beautiful your naked body was lying there on our bed.” This kind of thing. Build this up over the entire course of the day, slowly getting a little more sexual. Don’t go for broke and tell her you want to fuck her like a banshee…not yet but that’s coming. Allow her to respond before you build. Judge by her response if you need to go a little higher.

Example…if you text, “I was thinking about your beautiful body lying in the bed last night”, and she responds with “Oh yeah? What were you thinking?” then it’s a good indicator that she’s starting to think about it. if she responds with, “Can’t talk, Jr just threw his mac and cheese on the floor!”…you might wanna give her a bit and back it down a little…
It doesn’t mean that she’s not thinking about it, it just means that shes in mommy crisis mode…respect that. I promise that the first text planted a seed. She may respond later or not at all. the idea is to initiate foreplay LONG before you ever get to that point. Get her thinking about it. when she does, the desire will follow. The idea is to be very descriptive and very subtle. Read a Romance Novel if you have to to get a good idea of the verbiage.

  1. If you get a bite with a positive response, you don’t want to set the hook just yet…ease into with something like, “I was thinking about how my hand was moving over your abdomen. Massaging your warm skin. I’m actually having a hard time containing myself right now just thinking about you”. You get the idea…

Anyway…build this up and see where it goes…Depending on how many fires she had to put out that day, you may not see immediate results, but believe me…you planted the seed. Don’t kill that seed by getting pissed if she doesn’t respond the way you think she should. Stay nice. Stay caring. Do this whole thing again in a week if you have to (and you should even if you get a good response), but don’t get pissed. The last thing you want in this area of your relationship is argument. the building of sexual tension should NEVER be associated with anything negative… Only GOOD vibes here… Make her want it.

Give this a try guys. You’re more than likely to not regret it!. Again, if you have some deeper marital issues, this may not turn her into a squirting sex animal right off the bat, but this is still a very good start to healing your marriage…Best of luck guys!

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Had a good chuckle at that mate lol. All this walking on eggshells, o sorry dear let me pull that chair out for you ( in your mind you are thinking = that’s a BJ owed for later)

I’m very much the opposite, more the barbarian type , possibly coming from my Viking Irish roots. A quick growl after work and she knows the score… Even when the painters are in at that time of the month I’ll always find another hole … there can be no excuses lol

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LOL…Good luck with that friend!

There is definitely a time for this type of interaction, do it myself from time to time, but for people in the situation I’m referring to in my op, this ain’t gonna cut it…

Yeah this is not our style at all man. It’s more like, “we fucking tonight?” “sure, how clean do you need me?”

But I am nearly 4% neanderthal.

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Wow - this thread is one to watch. I have to live more in @bmbrady77 camp…then when it’s go time and my junk doesn’t cooperate the whole time, that adds a whole new level of issue to work through.

Work on your other techniques man. Have a backup plan.

Yep. That’s how we work…married happily since 2001.

In fact she was tired to give me my weekend bj… She knows tonight it’s a must…

My foreplay…I texted her this emoji :heart_eyes:

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Yeah… Wife pretty much doesn’t like the other stuff unless it’s followed by a bone… But when she does, she finishes pretty quick from my time down south, and is warmed up and ready to go for the main event… But there are times I am too, only to be let down by my dick. Oh well…haha

That shit is amazing @charlie12. Good for you.

Hey that’s awesome for you guys in the Neanderthal camp. I live there sometimes myself (and my wife loves it when I dominate sometimes), but you can’t stay there 24/7 bro. If you don’t pamper and cherish your wife every once in a while, believe me…SOMEONE ELSE WILL!!

Yeah. But @bmbrady77 has good advice for the guys and marriages that need this type of romance.

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I cherish…text her nice things while she’s as work. Bring up the clothes. Wash dishes here and there. Flowers once in a while… Tell her nice things…

It does help … esp if you want to feel that she actually wants your dick.

BTW 3 kids. It’s 10 minutes sessions. We both enjoy it. With limited noise…

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That’s why you’re wife does the things that she does for you bro. See…you get it!!

That’ll come around brother. Stick with the optimization. Just make sure your wife is fully in the know as to WHY it doesn’t work sometimes. The last thing you want to do is keep that shit to yourself. Trust me, no matter what excuses you can come up with, unless she fully understands what you’re dealing with, she will think that it’s her and that she doesn’t turn you on anymore. Fools advice brother.

Gotta turn on the tv man!! Get some background noise going!!

And the fan…lol… Am sure they suspect. But hey married people have sex

Man I would hope they do suspect. I would feel sorry for a kid that grew up one day and realized they never saw their parents give each other affection, or never heard any animal noises coming out of the bedroom!

This is how SHE likes it dude. Not all women want what you have outlined. As a matter of fact in my 47 years I never dated a woman like that. My wife and I live a fully satisfied life in so many ways. I appreciate your write up if it helps some guys with their women that are open to this type of thing. But to think that you know women because you have been with the same one for 24 years is ridiculous. There are all different types of women out there. Understand that some would be so turned off by your above scenario they would question the fabric of the relationship.

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Where in the fuck did I ever say ALL women?

I’m just trying to be helpful here bro. For fucks sake drop your test dose a little!

Right here…

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