"In surveys about first dates and turn-offs, there are always the same handful of no-no’s to avoid:
Now, according to an actual study published in an actual scientific journal, if you proclaim yourself to be gluten-free, your date will be turned off."
Now that nerd culture is “in,” most of my old advice about what not to talk about is out.
Clearly you need to learn how to talk like the MicroMachines guy so you can really maximize those 11 minutes.
The phone thing - I would go one step further and make a point of turning it to vibrate or even silent (depends on if you have a reason to be reachable during the date).
As a male, your aim is to talk as little about yourself as possible. If you can do this, look like you put effort into preparing/have decent hygene, keep the conversation flowing, pay for the evening and be nice to the wait staff you can basically walk back to the car and bend your date over the bonnet.
I wouldn’t suggest as fast as an auctioneer.
No dude: the Micro Machines guy
As in the case of a classroom or therapy session, phone on or not silenced is fine as long as you note at the outset that you have a sitter or are waiting for a call about your mother’s surgery, or whatever, and “I hope that’s okay.” It’s not the phone itself, it’s the discourtesy of the unnecessary intrusion. If the intrusion is for a valid reason, I don’t think anyone cares. It’s the people who seem blithely unaware that they’ve left someone sitting there, essentially alone, that engender hatred.
I would be impacted by my date’s food order depending on how they handled it. Make choices that don’t include gluten? No problem. Talk about your GI issues or diet when we’re not talking about food choices in a more global workout/health management context? Problem. Shugart is right. It’s too fussy-seeming. But again, if you order a salad with blue cheese and a ribeye with broccoli, I have no idea of your gluten status and so am not making any negative judgments.
Really, to win the first 11 minutes, all you have to do is be courteous and resist whiny behavior. You don’t even need to make her talk about herself - I don’t think my dates have ever gone that way, I think they’ve been mutual fact-finding expeditions. Too much emphasis on you and I’m going to think there’s no room for me, too much emphasis on me and I’m going to wonder why you were so evasive, since I’m asking questions, too. I will cheerfully ramble on about my work, but eventually I’m going to come around to “and what about you? do you like what you do?”
[quote=“EmilyQ, post:7, topic:247377”]
… I think they’ve been mutual fact-finding expeditions. Too much emphasis on you and I’m going to think there’s no room for me, too much emphasis on me and I’m going to wonder why you were so evasive, since I’m asking questions, too…
Master that quote and the early dates will go well. If you wind up in bed on first date, consider whether she’s like that with everyone.
Strongmangoals also has some good pointers.
Probably not everyone but it might be a sign of what’s to come. Pretty vexing for a lot of guys but I think some women are more likely to sleep with someone they like but maybe aren’t really into, at least not in the long term sense. I think that’s a reason so many flings happen on holidays
This makes zero sense to the male mind lol
Browsing, saw this, felt like commenting.
Why TF do men not understand wat women appreciate? Be a gentleman. Be the strongest, best you that you can be, be comfortable as that man, and provide a bubble of physical, emotional, and financial safety for her during the date (if you want a relationship or marriage, continue in this mode).
Be direct in answers. Actually care about what she says. If you really don’t care, fake it and don’t go out again, but don’t be an a-hole to a lady, ever.
Men must exercise restraint, show class, and BE a desirable man rather than trying to give the illusion of it for their own selfish reasons.
Any lady is going to pick up on insincerity quickly.
U want to pass the first impression test? Be a F’n man and deserve the grade.
True. Ladies of a higher character would. A more self-centered woman would accept the flattery willingly and keep it around insofar as it would meet her needs for vanity.
Ok, I suppose I should’ve qualified what I meant when using the term “lady.”
Nope … you’re spot on … I equated ladies to encompass all women … I didn’t immediately associate it with women of a higher character
If you need to be told how to act then you’re probably a bit of a dick.
lot’s of dicks in the world who don’t even know they’re dicks
Aye, like Richard Gere
Exactly who I was thinking about