T Nation

Actor Fred Willard Does It, Too

You might not recognize the name, but I would bet that most of you know his face…

Anyhow, he’s been masturbating in public. A lot. The most surprising thing to me, though, is the fact that there are still adult theaters…

http://news.yahoo.com/willard-completes-program-avoids-lewdness-charge-023507272.html

[quote]Elegua360 wrote:

Anyhow, he’s been masturbating in public. A lot. The most surprising thing to me, though, is the fact that there are still adult theaters…[/quote]

The most surprising thing to me is that masturbating in public is illegal in California.

“Wha’ hoppen?”

Willard was arrested after uniformed vice officers were conducting a routine investigation of the theater and they said they saw him engaging in a lewd act.

Ugh, don’t these “vice” officers have anything better they could be doing? It’s not like he was found peeking into an elementary school classroom window. It’s a bloody adult theater. They have a “jizz mopper” as a job position.

At least they are keeping their behavior contained to a single, privately owned space, where this kind of behavior is clearly welcomed.

I love Fred Willard. Try watching Best of Show and walking away thinking any different. I love Pee-Wee Herman, too. In fact, those are probably two of the funniest comedians I can think of. Although it’s pretty stupid for a public figure to go anywhere near one of those places, the way the police and media treat these “crimes” as if they, themselves are somehow holy and sinless themselves is the part of these stories I always find the most loathsome. Most particularly because the article itself encourages a kind of voyeurism not so far removed from the “crime” they are reporting.

He was great in Best Of Show…“Say…how much do you think I can bench press?”

[quote]SteelyD wrote:
“Wha’ hoppen?”[/quote]

I get the reference!

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Willard was arrested after uniformed vice officers were conducting a routine investigation of the theater and they said they saw him engaging in a lewd act.

Ugh, don’t these “vice” officers have anything better they could be doing? It’s not like he was found peeking into an elementary school classroom window. It’s a bloody adult theater. They have a “jizz mopper” as a job position.

[/quote]

Porn theaters are one stop shops for easy collars. It would be harder to find someone who wasn’t bashing one out during the movie.

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Willard was arrested after uniformed vice officers were conducting a routine investigation of the theater and they said they saw him engaging in a lewd act.

Ugh, don’t these “vice” officers have anything better they could be doing? It’s not like he was found peeking into an elementary school classroom window. It’s a bloody adult theater. They have a “jizz mopper” as a job position.

[/quote]

Porn theaters are one stop shops for easy collars. It would be harder to find someone who wasn’t bashing one out during the movie. [/quote]

I know, that’s my point (not that I think we disagree). The cops go in, grab anybody who’s in the theater whether or not they are in flagrante delicto, because who’s going to be able to convince a judge or jury otherwise, or even want to take the case to a public trial.

Big haul for the aptly named “vice” squad, without ever having to put themselves in harms way or actually engage in work that would in any way improve the safety of the community or do anything other than ruin someone’s life when that someone wasn’t bothering anybody else. What a bunch of heroes.

Then, when a high profile guy like Willard is caught in the act, we get the ironic spectacle of the news media splashing it all over their pages so we can all engage in our own brand of onanism.

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Willard was arrested after uniformed vice officers were conducting a routine investigation of the theater and they said they saw him engaging in a lewd act.

Ugh, don’t these “vice” officers have anything better they could be doing? It’s not like he was found peeking into an elementary school classroom window. It’s a bloody adult theater. They have a “jizz mopper” as a job position.

[/quote]

Porn theaters are one stop shops for easy collars. It would be harder to find someone who wasn’t bashing one out during the movie. [/quote]

I know, that’s my point (not that I think we disagree). The cops go in, grab anybody who’s in the theater whether or not they are in flagrante delicto, because who’s going to be able to convince a judge or jury otherwise, or even want to take the case to a public trial.

Big haul for the aptly named “vice” squad, without ever having to put themselves in harms way or actually engage in work that would in any way improve the safety of the community or do anything other than ruin someone’s life when that someone wasn’t bothering anybody else. What a bunch of heroes.

Then, when a high profile guy like Willard is caught in the act, we get the ironic spectacle of the news media splashing it all over their pages so we can all engage in our own brand of onanism. [/quote]

Yeah, wasn’t disagreeing at all. Just pointing out that “routine investigations” of this kind are usually made with the expectation of catching small fry to pad out arrest quotas.

I jack off in regular theatres…

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I jack off in regular theatres…[/quote]

Among other places. That’s the last time I invite you over to watch a movie. I still can’t figure out what you found arousing about The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Why is this shit news?

Why anyone would want to jerk it in public like that, is beyond me… but, whatever.

I <3 Fred. Bad decisions or not…

[quote]imhungry wrote:
Why is this shit news?
[/quote]

I realize you probably didn’t want a long-winded answer, but I’m going to give you one. I just finished reading The Belief Instinct by Jesse Berig. The main point of the book is to examine the psychological and cognitive origins of why people are compelled to believe in supernatural deities.

In one section he describes how, given our increasing socialization, language, and highly developed “theory of mind” ability (the ability to create a hypothesis as to why someone else would do something), one’s social fallout due to gossip became a potentially devastating result to passing on one’s genes. Our opportunities to observe others’ behaviors and our aptitude for developing theories as to their motivations appears to be without equal in the natural world. While “theory of mind” drove our general belief in deities due to its importance in our survival, it was due to theory of mind is conjunction with higher socialization and especially language that led to our impression of a moralizing all-seeing Creator (or demigod, spirit animal, etc., choose your flavor).

While that sounds irrelevant to your question, the important point is the fact that this all-seeing God is moralizing. Berig sidesteps the main thesis of his book to sugges that not only do these three traits influence our image of God, but they also impact our behavior towards each other, specifically in the form of gossip. People gossiped because it was important for people to be socially-aligned, as this was evidence that they were looking out for the sake of the group and not just themselves. People now had an unprecedented ability to disseminate gossip and theorize as to why the offender was socially misaligned.

Now, our unparalleled access to the lives of celebrities tricks us on a deep level into thinking these people are part of our in-group, that we are practically on neighborly terms. Hell, most people probably know MORE about celebrities than they do their neighbors. As a result, gossip about celebrities tickles the same part of the brain that gossip about locals does. In short, this is news because at one time, this sort of revelation about people in our social circle gave us a distinct adaptive advantage. One could say that Fred Willard masturbating in an adult theater is news for the same reason that God watches (and judges!) you while you masturbate in private.

So knock it off! Haven’t you heard that porn is addictive, anyway?

All things considered, I’d consider it a bit more strange to sit through an entire adult film in a dark theater and not at least consider spanking it.

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I jack off in regular theatres…[/quote]

Among other places. That’s the last time I invite you over to watch a movie. I still can’t figure out what you found arousing about The Odd Life of Timothy Green.[/quote]

It wasnt the movie. It was your color scheme in the living room.

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I jack off in regular theatres…[/quote]

Among other places. That’s the last time I invite you over to watch a movie. I still can’t figure out what you found arousing about The Odd Life of Timothy Green.[/quote]

It wasnt the movie. It was your color scheme in the living room.
[/quote]

Makes sense.

[quote]NAUn wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:
Why is this shit news?
[/quote]

I realize you probably didn’t want a long-winded answer, but I’m going to give you one. I just finished reading The Belief Instinct by Jesse Berig. The main point of the book is to examine the psychological and cognitive origins of why people are compelled to believe in supernatural deities.

In one section he describes how, given our increasing socialization, language, and highly developed “theory of mind” ability (the ability to create a hypothesis as to why someone else would do something), one’s social fallout due to gossip became a potentially devastating result to passing on one’s genes. Our opportunities to observe others’ behaviors and our aptitude for developing theories as to their motivations appears to be without equal in the natural world. While “theory of mind” drove our general belief in deities due to its importance in our survival, it was due to theory of mind is conjunction with higher socialization and especially language that led to our impression of a moralizing all-seeing Creator (or demigod, spirit animal, etc., choose your flavor).

LOL!

While that sounds irrelevant to your question, the important point is the fact that this all-seeing God is moralizing. Berig sidesteps the main thesis of his book to sugges that not only do these three traits influence our image of God, but they also impact our behavior towards each other, specifically in the form of gossip. People gossiped because it was important for people to be socially-aligned, as this was evidence that they were looking out for the sake of the group and not just themselves. People now had an unprecedented ability to disseminate gossip and theorize as to why the offender was socially misaligned.

Now, our unparalleled access to the lives of celebrities tricks us on a deep level into thinking these people are part of our in-group, that we are practically on neighborly terms. Hell, most people probably know MORE about celebrities than they do their neighbors. As a result, gossip about celebrities tickles the same part of the brain that gossip about locals does. In short, this is news because at one time, this sort of revelation about people in our social circle gave us a distinct adaptive advantage. One could say that Fred Willard masturbating in an adult theater is news for the same reason that God watches (and judges!) you while you masturbate in private.

So knock it off! Haven’t you heard that porn is addictive, anyway?[/quote]

LOL awesome

Why the hell is it illegal to jack off in one of these theaters anyways? If it’s such a blow to the integrity of society or whatever, why the hell do they even have them to begin with?

It’s like having bars that serve booze and then arresting every person who stumbles out of the place for being drunk in public. You go to a bar to get drunk and you go to a porn theater to jack off in a public place. After all, that’s really why these places exist, especially when there’s so much free porn available to watch on the Internet in the privacy of your own home. They exist for people who like to fuck a tightly clenched fist in public.

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I jack off in regular theatres…[/quote]

Is that what you pump on movie popcorn?

I thought the old Ct. Rockula was much more interesting than this new one. Tell us what does shooting up heroin feel like? I bet you will say warm, super comfortable (Christmas fireplace with the whole family security, if that’s cozy to you.)

[quote]conservativedog wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I jack off in regular theatres…[/quote]

Is that what you pump on movie popcorn?

I thought the old Ct. Rockula was much more interesting than this new one. Tell us what does shooting up heroin feel like? I bet you will say warm, super comfortable (Christmas fireplace with the whole family security, if that’s cozy to you.)
[/quote]

Still the same old Ct.

Im just really into depriving people of what they really want these days…