T Nation

A Food Poem

By Dave Tate

About Oreos

Finally, this is NOT a meal or snack.
It is just another way to add some JACK.
Sometimes you have to do things to live your dream.
And yes, this may mean eating some cream.

This may not be the best habit to keep,
but remember when the rest of the world is asleep
you will be the one paying the price
as they wake to another day of chicken and rice.

Sometimes you need to eat healthy to stay clean,
but I am here to say you may have to eat like shit to be a machine.
This may be contrary to fact,
but skinny NOT?let’s get jacked.

If you want to grow up to be like the great King Kong,
then mark my words, you may need some Ding Dongs.
Listen up and make sure to get this right.
It all comes down to calories per bite.

Some of you may be saying, “Dave, you are whacked.”
This is okay because I?m almost JACKED.
I have done what I needed to do.
And yes, I remember the picture at the zoo.

To keep from getting decked,
you should get your blood work checked.
A glass, ice cream, and root beer make a float?
just what is needed for a monster bloat.

Please don’t get trapped.
You need to eat big to get JACKED.
There will be times when you?ll want to quit.
Walk to the mirror and look through your slits.

Your face is bloated and looks like dread,
but your arms are JACKED, you can’t shave your head.
Eating in class once led to after school detention,
but a must this was to gain water retention.

Go to the store and hit the cookie isle.
Load the cart up with a big giant pile.
When you check out, you will pay the toll.
Never mind, this is the way to get ?swole.?

The point I am trying to make
is really as simple as eating cake.
Candy bars, subs, and chips are the right track.
A great daily lunch this is to get JACKED.

It has to do with more than getting big.
For some of us, this may mean being a pig.
You see getting lean is a piece of cake.
It is getting big that makes most shake.

The thought of losing their abs
has them all taking jabs.
They need to get in the kitchen and crank up ?back in black.?
Tear open a box of pop tarts and get JACKED.

They buzz­buzz­buzz l ike mosquitoes
when all they need is a bag of Doritos.
I will say this one more time.
What they say and do is such a crime.

They have their ass tied and bound.
Here is a clue?fudge round.
Diet ing is easy when you set your way.
Adding mass is without a doubt a different day.

They have their way, and I have mine,
but please remember, I walk the line.
They might have been the head of the class,
but they can kiss my JACKED up ass!

It made me smile.
Have a good night.

Read this before, and it is probably my favorite poem.

It will now be forever saved on my computer.

just went out and bought double stuffed peanut butter oreos and a half gallon of milk … they won’t last 10 minutes.