T Nation

A break up - any advice?


#1

My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just decided to dump my ass telling me that she needs to be independent. She said that all she could ever do was think about me and how to make our relationship work. And then all of a sudden she hits me with " I don't want to try anymore". I basically fed and took care of this girl in a million and one ways over the years so you can say I am quite crushed. However I am a T-Man and I will not let this ruin who I am determined to become.

The girl was abused in every way possible by her mother, father and uncle. I still want to help her to at least get some psych help before she grows into a totally cold and emotionally shut off person like her father (who abandoned her at 16). Should I just bow out gracefully and let it be?? Or shall I pull a say anything scene and get this girl back. I don't mean to sound like a dork, it's just that I love her and don't want to give up even though she's a total psycho.


#2

so you're a t-man huh


#3

Give up. You can't fix or save psychos. Never works. She'll come back to you a few times and you'll want to fuck her. Don't.


#4

You are not responsible for someone else's happiness!
So unless you are happy .........


#5

I second Doogie's comments! Leave her alone. Baggage gets heavier with time.


#6

i 3rd Doggie,i just got finished with a crazy bitch,make sure you DONT fuck her again and get all attached!!!


#7

Fuck her in the ass, then give her 10 bucks and say you never want to see her again.

JK.

Seriously, you won't fix her. No one ever will. You betta beleedat!!


#8

I was once in a relationship with a mentally/physically ill girl and can understand where you are coming from. It feels like your soul is torn in half when they turn around and say that nothing you've done has helped and they want to leave. However, from this you should learn that nothing you can ever do will help unfortunatley. In time you'll realize that you were better off and that as sad as it is some people are just kinda fucked up and always will be. Don't sleep with her. Don't talk to her if at all possible. Invest in yourself, get to know yourself again..who you are without her in your life. This should help you realize possibly how much you've contorted YOUR life out of what it should be to please your ex.,and you'll see how it would have never worked. BTW in terms of her problems you have to be the judge of what you can do to help if/when she comes crying. There is a fine line between being there for someone who is important to you and letting them walk all over you. In the mean time I won't say the typical "Fuck as many ho's as you can" BS. It might work it might not...I mean hey it's pussy right. Isn't much wrong with that. Just do what feels right. Good luck bro, keep your head up.


#9

I was once in a relationship with a mentally/physically ill girl and can understand where you are coming from. It feels like your soul is torn in half when they turn around and say that nothing you've done has helped and they want to leave. However, from this you should learn that nothing you can ever do will help unfortunatley. In time you'll realize that you were better off and that as sad as it is some people are just kinda fucked up and always will be. Don't sleep with her. Don't talk to her if at all possible. Invest in yourself, get to know yourself again..who you are without her in your life. This should help you realize possibly how much you've contorted YOUR life out of what it should be to please your ex.,and you'll see how it would have never worked. BTW in terms of her problems you have to be the judge of what you can do to help if/when she comes crying. There is a fine line between being there for someone who is important to you and letting them walk all over you. In the mean time I won't say the typical "Fuck as many ho's as you can" BS. It might work it might not...I mean hey it's pussy right. Isn't much wrong with that. Just do what feels right. Good luck bro, keep your head up.


#10

Find better.

Very much like training, you cant give her strength by yourself. Unless she walks the road to better health by herself, theres nothing you can do. Sure, you can give a different viewpoint, but, ultimately, she has to do the work by herself.

And dont feel bad fordumpingher. You have standards. And chances are, unless she starts from a strong mindframe, youll just be a crutch that slows progress. But leave the door open for her upgraded version if she does walk the road to redemption, if that`s what you really want.

In short, let it be. Do your own thing in the meanwhile.


#11

This science-backed tip could help"


In the brain, emotional pain feels like a punch in the gut

Heather Sokoloff
National Post

Friday, October 10, 2003
ADVERTISEMENT

Having your feelings hurt or your heart broken makes you feel like you've been punched in the stomach, scientists say.

Researchers from the University of California at Los Angeles have discovered the human brain reacts to physical and emotional pain in the same way.

"You'd never tell anyone to hurry up and get over their broken arm," said Naomi Eisenberger, psychology researcher at UCLA. "Now we know you can't tell someone to hurry up and get over their broken heart."

From: http://www.nationalpost.com/home/story.html?id=8E9A828F-F9D4-45EA-8685-04AE7F479729


#12

psychos drive you crazy. just leave her be


#13

Been there. Done that. Leave the freaks alone! They'll never learn with you constantly trying to help. Let her help herself!

Let the baggage go! You're better off lifting heavy weights, at least it will benefit you!


#14

Pretty much everyone is spot on so far -- run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Take some advice from your moniker -- don't dwell and obsess. Put your efforts into other things, and meet other girls when you are ready. There are 3.1 billion women in the world, including a good number who are sexy, smart, into T-men, and not all screwed up.


#15

Doogie and the others are right.

Now go find rebound chicks.


#16

I'm impressed by everyone's comments.

It's hard for a man to walk away from something like that. Maybe it's our instinct to want to fix everything, or prove the opposition (your girl)wrong, but walking away from a relationship especially when there are still so many qustions unanswered is not an easy thing to do. However, it is something you MUST do. Put her where she belongs, in your past. Let some one else take care of her, or at least give her the space to take care of herself. You might never have the same relationship you had before, but you'll be better friends.

Oh yeah, don't fuck her.

B.


#17

What the hell were you doing that for? You contributed to her wanting tohabe independence by giving her none in your relationship. Nice job man.

Live and learn. Find a girl who can take care of herself without you. A guy who wants/needs a girl to depend on him is NOT a "T-man" in my book?


#18

Machine it's not like I had much of a choice in the taking care of her dept. After her parents abandoned her she basically had no way of feeding herself on any sort of consistent schedule (due to her not bing able to finish college and get a reasonable job). I couldn't exactly let her starve or let her live in the dark if she couldn't afford lightbulbs now could I? It just wouldn't be the right thing to do.

I learned though how much this reflects boxing. My other love. Sometimes you gotta take a knee to regroup and sometimes you get knocked on your ass. It's how much will you have in your heart to get bck up and into the fight which makes you a champion. I have no intention of contacting her or going back for her. Though all my friends say she will be back without a doubt, I just can't see it happening. It's ok, time to move on.
But thanks to all for the advice. I really do appreciate it.


#19

Good deal. Best of luck to you.


#20

Honestly, if she comes back, don't get caught up in that web again. From what you said, with all her issues, you're better off changing your phone number and staying the hell away from her.

Refer to all the advice above. Go out and find some more women out there with less baggage.