This is going to be long and probably not well written but bare with me please
A little 
background info:
Im 19 from Ireland but i currently live in Glasgow, Scotland where i go to uni. I have played rugby since i was about 4. Ive taken rugby serious ie. training rugby specific, since i was about 15.
ive had some success, representing my county and country at youth/schools level. But as the sport has got faster and fitter i havnt kept up. Im one of those āold skoolā type props. that is good in the scrums and tight situations but very undynamic about the pitch. ie i fall into rucks and mauls more times than actually do anything in them.
i used to be a great ball carrier and made lots of ground but now everyone else has caught up with my size and i am no longer effective. my last game at a decnt level was nearly a 18 months ago. since then i have been playing for a team about 3/4 leagues below what i was used to. ive started to accept this is the league for meā¦ but my heart tells me im a lot better than everybody around me in this league.
i am currently in a state of flux and dont no wheather to pursue my dream of playing top flight rugby or switch it up and train for power lifitng or strongman competitions.
my stats atm
6ft2
21stone/ 135 kilos
50 inch chest
42/44 inch waist
no idea what my BF% is but its definatly high (dangerously)
1RMs
deadlift 190kg / 420 lbs
bench 100kg / 220lbs
box squat 160kg / 355 lbs
as you read my stats, you will see im hardly, āhealthyā and im feeling more and more unfit daily. thats what i want to change.
i have started a few logs on here before and even started the VDiet but i failed. imo i have failed before becasue of being in uni and being surrounded by sooo many bad influences. the last VDiet i attempted i failed because of a few factors outside my control.
i got robbed on the second day of week 2, my laptop, hifi was stolen and my room wreaked. i couldnt claim on the insurance because i had left the window on the SAFETY latch. 
then 2 days later my mum got mugged back in ireland. so i had to fly home and sort that out. found the guy, heāll not do it again. but lets not go into that.
so pretty much since the middle of May i havnt been back into the gym or watching what i ateā¦ ive been spiralling into the āim unhappy because im fat, but i eat because im unhappyā frame of thinking. and becoming more and more depressed and demotivated. all i have done since middle of may is play 2 rugby matches. and pretty much ate like a pig.
so ive taken pretty drastic measureā¦ uni ended on the 7th June. but im not going home. im not going to see my family. im not letting my friends come visit me.
i have payed to stay on in halls by myself for 6 weeks. on the 15th july i go to belgium for a festival and i want to āEARNā this!!
all my friends are away home. i started a new labouring job on monday to get me out of the flat and into a routine. im working shifts of 7-3/4pm, 4/5 days a week. the work hasnt been that taxing so far but i dont know what lies in store for me.
naturally i am a lazy kinda guy unless someone motivates me or i get into a routine. the only time i was happy with my body was the end of 2 summers ago when i was training every morning at 7.30am 5 days a week in the school gym with my rugy team.
we had got a new/basic gym installed and our new coach had a grounding in strength training and put us through are paces. this is when i grew to love the iron game. i was naturally stronger than all the guys and i made pretty fast gains. i had been training for about 8 weeks. with an average of 7 sessions a week and i was big. not ripped or anything. i still had a stomach. u might have been able to see a 2 pack if the lighting was right and i posed i had some sort of VTaper and felt really really good.
its been all downhill since then. pictures will follow.
my goal isā¦ to be down to a 38 inch waist. increase all my 1RMs. get Fitter and decrease my BF% but i dont really want to dip below 18stone. im not bothered by āthe cover modelā look or anything. i want to look like the mean mother fucker i used to. i want to intimidate people.
Long term goal date is 27th October. thats my 20th birthday. by then i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed. i want to be able to take my top off on a hot day and go talk to a chick with confidence. i want to think about (maybe not actually do) buying a tshirt a size smaller so i can show my body off.
i know in my heart that under this sizeable layer of FAT i actually have a decent frame of muscle. i come from a long line of strong men, all my relatives on my dads side were/are farmers, most of the men on mums side are construction workers. there all naturally big strong guys.
my dad is 45 and he can still out bench me and he runs marathons. so i think i have decent genetics. they never watched their diets or were very scientific about it. they just got BIG and strong.
i want people to be afraid to call me ābig ladā incase i rip their heads off.
So to achieve this i have put myself into my own āBoot Campā. i have isolated myself from everyone. i have shaved of my long hair. I will need a good kick up the arse from you guys. i want you all to rip me to shreds if i need and even if i dont. Dont pussy foot around me.
Tough love is the best love
This is the start of my new life, a new me.
