I’m 6’ and weigh 244 lbs. The only thing I want in the world right now is to look good again. I have no idea what to eat, or how to workout. I’ll do whatever it takes. I want to accomplish this more than anything in the world. What should I do?
First off, congratulations on deciding to take control of your mental health and physical wellbeing. They are closely linked and making this first step is massive.
Answering these 3 questions for us would give us a much better picture.
- Do you have gym access?
- What does your current training schedule look like, or what kind of schedule would you be able to adopt to prioritize training?
- What does your current diet look like?
The more you tell us, the more we can help you.
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First thing you need to do is come to terms with the fact that this is a long process. There is no secret, magic pill, etc… it is hard work to change.
Tell us what you ate and drank yesterday.
Do you have any health issues besides the depression?
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My thoughts would be:
- Get control of your nutrition. This should be front and centre in your mind, make good habits that you can do week in week out for many years.
- Do something difficult that you don’t hate several times a week. Lifting weight is obviously good, but don’t discount things like calisthenics or kettlebells or whatever. You need to be happy doing this several times a week for many years.
- Walk a lot. Walk outside where possible. This will be great for losing weight, but also for your mental health.
Edit:
And don’t forget “non-gym” stuff like dressing appropriately and basic grooming. These can do as much for your self image as any gym stuff.
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Honestly man, it’s so difficult not to feel better after a walk. There are days I am absolutely miserable over certain things and a half-hour out with the dog can completely change my foothold of the day.
Scientists today believe that progress is one of the keys to a happier life. It’s been observed in rats that if you just give them cheese their brains are very unlikely to produce dopamine. Make them work for it though? Lots of it. Low dopamine can cause depression, irritability, tiredness, and lots of other really shitty things. My point is, and to reiterate @dagill2’s second point, falling in love with the process is going to be essential for you.
It would be easy to recommend you a program that will put muscle on you, or a diet that makes you lose weight. What we really need to help you with is figuring out something you’ll be able to do sustainably whilst still moving towards your goals.
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I’m all about getting over depression, but I want to point out the obvious and say…
This is not going to fix your depression. I’ve no problem with you training for the sole purpose of looking good - but if the impression is that this will make you feel better/cure your depression… it won’t. Depression is a whole other beast.
More than happy to help give you some tools to look better, but just know that it’s a shifting goalpost that usually leads to body dysmorphia (meaning you always think you look like shit, no matter how good you actually look).
^Speaking from experience as someone who only focuses on what’s wrong with my physique.
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I hadn’t read this, but I absolutely believe it. I’ve always believed we’re animals meant to work and get less happy the “easier” things are. Very interesting that it’s been studied like this.
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I disagree. There have been numerous studies that exercise can help depression. Not sure how you how you made the immediate leap to BD.
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I don’t disagree with this sentiment, but someone who has self-identified as “extremely depressed” has also said
You don’t see a correlation? The ask wasn’t to help get over depression, it was to help him look good because he’s depressed… Frankly I don’t think looking better will cure “extreme depression”; exercise could certainly help though.
At one point in time I was a chubby little teenager with no confidence and pretty strong signs of depression. I believed more than anything in the world that having 6-pack abs would solve this (spoiler alert: it didn’t).
I think BD is extremely common amongst most men (and probably women) in the gym, considering that most are going there for the sole purpose of vanity. I don’t think it’s a stretch to envision that someone with “extreme depression” who’s said the only thing in the world they want is to look good - would end in BD.
But exercising regularly certainly did help me, and would likely help OP.
Note that I didn’t say not to exercise for vanity or mental health, I was just stating that the cure for depression probably isn’t found in the gym - and if it is, OP probably doesn’t have “extreme depression”.
EDIT:
This is really all I meant with my comments, thank you @mnben87 for summarizing =)
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I agree and disagree. Exercise itself can help depression in the short term. Most people feel pretty good for a bit after exercise. Interestingly not all. Some people feel kinda shitty after it. I sometimes wonder how much of a person’s success with training is related to this variable. The people that get the strong positive exercise response (hormones, feelings of accomplishment, etc) I would think would have a better outcome on average.
But I think @Andrewgen_Receptors point is that depression isn’t necessarily related to how your body looks and I agree with that. You can have all sorts of mental issues and have a jacked body (see Calum von Moger).
To the OP. I think your fastest path to what most people would deem a good physique is weight loss. I think the recommendation to walk a lot is a good one. Eliminate the worst elements of your diet, and work from there.
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After looking it up again, I must clear this up as my explanation was a little off. It is actually that they depleted dopamine in the rats that they gave food to, and the food is still enjoyed (so not that they didn’t produce dopamine, but that they could still enjoy it without it). In the rats with dopamine, they would work to get that food, so it is involved in the motivation and not the pleasure.
This is almost a direct quote from what Andrew Huberman has said on the topic, and here’s a neat little video if you’re interested.
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The group needs details. To find a plan, we need to know the variables.
- Access to equipment
- Time - How many days a week and how long do you want to exercise?
- Likes and dislikes - You can punish yourself and do things you hate for a time, but eventually you’ll burn out.
- Nutrition - You could log your food and share, but that task kind of sucks. I recommend reading a book like The Abs Diet. It simplifies nutrition and gives you some categories of foods from which to choose. There’s no calorie counting and you even get cheat meals to help keep you sane. There are many ways to skin the cat, but that’s the book I used the first time I actually cut weight on purpose.
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Thank you.
- There is a small gym in my building. It has dumbbells, a treadmill, and an exercise bike.
- I have no training schedule and a lot of free time.
- I’m vegan and don’t eat until late in the evening. Usually rice and beans. I wake up with cravings a few times through the night and eat whatever I can find. Often pb & jam sandwiches.
Thanks. No, I have no health issues beside depression.
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Thanks. I don’t think my depression is due to not looking good, or that looking better would cure it. I don’t think anything will cure it. But I thought maybe if I get some exercise and start caring about myself and how I look, it may make my life a bit less terrible.
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Thank you very much for the carefully thought out reply. I will respond more, but I need to think about it a little more first.
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Thank you. I will definitely give more details. Not doing so good today.
I have my own battle with depression and my worst days are when I do nothing. I need to accomplish something during the day or I feel like I wasted it. It doesn’t have to be much.
Everyone is different, but if you have the time, I recommend going to that little gym and playing around. Do 30 push-ups in as few sets as possible. Walk a mile on that treadmill. Do 30 DB rows to match the push-ups. Just start.
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That is excellent advice. Especially for me. I always overthink things and am reluctant to begin anything without over researching it first.
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Consistency is super important in fitness. I’d rather see someone use @Frank_C routine and stick to it long term, than go all out and quit in a month.
Same goes for diets. A lot of people trying to lose weight go too extreme and burn out in short order. The guy who cuts out sugary drinks and sticks with it loses more in a year on average than the guy who ate only clean “diet” foods for two weeks then gave up.
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