T Nation

50 Symptoms of the T-Nation Man

You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…

  1. You ask your girlfriend to spot you while you take the groceries out of the car trunk.

  2. You can name all the Mr Olympias, in order, from Larry Scott through to Ronnie Coleman, but you can’t name the last 5 presidents/prime ministers of your country.

  3. You know the amount of protein and fat there is in 100gr of every mammal, reptile, fish or bird on Earth, but you can’t remember your mum’s cell phone number.

  4. Your best friend confesses that he’s cheated; you tell him it’s OK, to get back on track and not to worry so long as he follows Berardi’s 90% rule.

  5. You can squat 400lbs in the morning, but can’t get up from the sofa in the afternoon.

  6. You’ll have 7 meals a day, but won’t eat even one donut.

  7. You’re no good at maths, but you know for sure that 3x10 is not the same as 6x5.

  8. You know 173 ways to cook chicken breast. And you still hate it!

  9. You drink so much green tea they’re going to name a Chinese province after you.

  10. You have two fridges in your house: one for your food, and one for the rest of your family’s.

  11. A PC meal is not about eating politically correct food.

  12. Your house is burning and the only things you think of rescuing are your training log and your Foreman Grill.

  13. You ask a girl at a party her dead-lift PR before asking for her phone number.

  14. Having watched Rocky 25 times is not excessive. Having watched Titanic once, is.

  15. Your reply to every training question a newbie asks you is “eat, lift, eat, sleep, eat, lift, repeat.”

  16. Grow! is not just something you shout at plants.

  17. Your work mates comment on how hot some girl is, and you mutter something about her calves not being in proportion to her quads.

  18. You know where your ITB and VMOs are.

  19. You can actually spell iliotibial.

  20. You don’t consider waxing your chest gay.

  21. Wearing a pink polo shirt with the collar up, is. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

  22. You think veins are sexy.

  23. You buy your T-shirts 2 sizes too small and tell the shop assistant they’re for your little brother.

  24. Your wife/girlfriend thinks you’re having an online affair with a woman called Cris.

  25. You’ll jot down every rep you make and every calorie you eat in your logbooks, but you won’t write down the date and time of your children?s’ dental appointments.

  26. You own a copy of Pumping Iron - Special 25th Anniversary Edition. You just haven’t told anyone about it.

  27. You don’t have meals, you have feeds.

  28. You spend 10 minutes at the grocery store comparing every single packet of pasta to make sure you buy the one with the most fibre and least carbs.

  29. You’ll consider dolphins collateral damage in your war against scrawniness if your supermarket is out of dolphin-friendly tuna.

  30. Testosterone is your favourite hormone.

  31. You actually have a favourite hormone.

  32. You find your car parked in by another car, you don’t start honking your horn, you dead-lift the obstructing car out of the way.

  33. You know exactly what you’ll be eating two Thursdays from now at 4:00pm.

  34. You’ll pay $100 to delay your flight to Cancun by 1 day because you hadn’t carbbed up properly after your 12 week cutting program.

  35. You have a T-shirt with a big, colourful mandrill on it. And you’re not embarrassed of wearing it.

  36. You can estimate somebody’s bodyfat % up to 2 decimal places buy simply looking at a blurry photo of them on the net.

  37. You know T-Dawg is not a rapper.

  38. You’ve tried living off nothing but protein shakes, fish oil and flaxseed for a month at least once in your life; and you still think Chris Shugart is not crazy.

  39. You went to John Berardi’s Calorie Calculator when you first joined T-Nation, and entered your stats 3 times because you thought it was broken when it told you you needed 5398 kcals for maintenance.

  40. You now consider 6000 kcals a reasonable amount of food for a day.

  41. You don’t workout, you follow a TWA training plan. (TWA: Three Word Acronym)

  42. The only time parallel is good enough is when you park.

  43. You walk past a building site and you can’t help doing a few chin-ups on the scaffolding.

  44. You enquire about someone’s wheels, you’re not asking about their car.

  45. You know curling in the squat rack is a mortal sin.

  46. You knew who Arnold was before he became an actor, but you still can’t spell his surname.

  47. People ask you if you take steroids just because you’re muscular and wear a T-shirt that says “Testosterone” in bright yellow letters.

  48. You drink an extra litre of water before bed so you’ll be able to wake up in the middle of the night to drink a Grow! shake.

  49. You don’t consider The Beast an entity to be feared, but you wouldn’t make a pass at Mrs Beast just in case.

  50. You name your first born child “Biotest.”

Priceless. What about fish and fowl, though?

[quote]Miserere wrote:
You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…

  1. You’re no good at maths, but you know for sure that 3x10 is not the same as 6x5.

  2. You think veins are sexy.

  3. Your wife/girlfriend thinks you’re having an online affair with a woman called Cris.

  4. You went to John Berardi’s Calorie Calculator when you first joined T-Nation, and entered your stats 3 times because you thought it was broken when it told you you needed 5398 kcals for maintenance.
    "[/quote]

The truest ones. Too funny.

[quote]Tizzah wrote:
Priceless. What about fish and fowl, though?[/quote]

True! Now updated. Thanks Tizzah.

BTW, when did the “edit” button get added?

(Mod Note* Edit added? Oh about a year ago. LOL)

This was entertaining. Rats off to you.

priceless thread LOL

[quote]Miserere wrote:
BTW, when did the “edit” button get added?

(Mod Note* Edit added? Oh about a year ago. LOL) [/quote]

Damn… [hanging head in shameful embarrassment] I never saw it till this post… :frowning:

Good list!

-Nate

Wow… that was some DAMN fine work there, Miserere. Well done!

I am so with you on this one:
39) You went to John Berardi’s Calorie Calculator when you first joined T-Nation, and entered your stats 3 times because you thought it was broken when it told you you needed 5398 kcals for maintenance.

Fantastic.

Well it was quite funny. But they aren’t symptoms of a T-Man. The definition of a T-man (as much as I hate that word) is not the same thing as the definition of a dedicated bodybuilder. Therefore the symptoms would read more like :

  1. Eats rocks for breakfast before killing bears and wrestling boars with his bare hands until lunchtime.

etc etc

Nice post though I just think the title is important in things such as this and it sort of ruined it for me.

[quote]Miserere wrote:
You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…

  1. Your work mates comment on how hot some girl is, and you mutter something about her calves not being in proportion to her quads.

[/quote]

Is this bad?

Great post. I have two more to add.

  1. You have to stay up late to watch your favorite Olympic events.

And one I just noticed this morning…

  1. You’re the only person you know who has a room with chalk and chains in it.

[quote]robzilla wrote:

  1. You’re the only person you know who has a room with chalk and chains in it.[/quote]

HAHAHAHAHA! TRUE!

man 95% of that is stuff that actually has happened/i’ve thought of haha

[quote]ConorM wrote:
Well it was quite funny. But they aren’t symptoms of a T-Man. The definition of a T-man (as much as I hate that word) is not the same thing as the definition of a dedicated bodybuilder. Therefore the symptoms would read more like :

  1. Eats rocks for breakfast before killing bears and wrestling boars with his bare hands until lunchtime.

etc etc

Nice post though I just think the title is important in things such as this and it sort of ruined it for me.[/quote]

Aaaarrghh!! Damnit!! I actually did think about the title quite a bit, for the reasons you’ve pointed out, and I finally decided on 50 Symptoms of the T-Nation Man. This wasn’t meant to be about T-Men, but about us, the members of this forum, doing some absurd and goofy things in order to become T-Men.

Somehow, the working title of the first draft made it onto the final post.

I hope the edit function works…

ConorM: Maybe you should start a 50 things a T-Man does thread. I liked what you said about eating rocks and wrestling bears. :slight_smile:

May I humbly add:

#51 You’ll only marry a woman who’s genetics make up for your genetic short comings. (ie My g/f’s father is 1 ft taller than me AND she has HUGE calves.)

[quote]Miserere wrote:
You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…

  1. You’ll have 7 meals a day, but won’t eat even one donut.

  2. You have two fridges in your house: one for your food, and one for the rest of your family’s.

  3. Your work mates comment on how hot some girl is, and you mutter something about her calves not being in proportion to her quads.

  4. You don’t consider waxing your chest gay.

  5. You think veins are sexy.

  6. You don’t have meals, you have feedings.

  7. You spend 10 minutes at the grocery store comparing every single packet of pasta to make sure you buy the one with the most fibre and least carbs.

  8. Testosterone is your favorite hormone.

  9. You know exactly what you’ll be eating two Thursdays from now at 4:00pm.

  10. You don’t workout, you follow a TWA training plan. (TWA: Three Word Acronym)

  11. People ask you if you take steroids just because you’re muscular and wear a T-shirt that says “Testosterone” in bright yellow letters.

[/quote]

The ones listed above especially decribe me.

[quote]Miserere wrote:
You know you’re a T-Nation Man when…

  1. You ask a girl at a party her dead-lift PR before asking for her phone number.[/quote]

Shit, there’s what happened to me.

Geek boy

Hey man, good list, well done! Although I would disagree with #2 most are dead on.

LZ

Favorite One.

  1. You’re no good at maths, but you know for sure that 3x10 is not the same as 6x5.

Sheer Genius!

  1. Everyone thinks your “pretty lean” already but you still have 8 weeks left on the diet.